Three Years Later
by Li-1980
Summary: It's Bella's 21st birthday. Edward never returned to Forks and Bella is dating Jacob. What happens when Edward drops in to Forks to see Bella? Will they be able to be together after everything? Read and review! :D
1. Three Years Later

**Three years later:**

It's been three years. I always hated being celebrated but this was different. This was because of him.

Jake and I had been on and off for years. We've now been dating for seven months nonstop and it's kind of nice. He's been putting up with me for so long, it's odd to think there was a time in my life where he wasn't there. A time when I didn't need him.

The phone rang and I nearly tripped as I run to get it. "Hello?" I began to heard laughing. Instantly I knew. "Tripped over again?" I untangled the phone and walked to the fridge. "A little. What's up Jake?" I began drinking my bottle of juice. "Seth and the others are having another party at La Push. Wanna come?" I looked at the clock. "Jake I'd love to but I'm kind of behind on my studying." He tooth a deep breath and I was ready to defend my answer. "Bells come on. You haven't hung out with me all week!" I sighed. "Look Jake you know I'd love to, but you're the reason I'm behind on my studying in the first place!" He laughed. "Okay then. Well if you change your mind you know where to find me!" I sighed. "Okay. Night Jake!" then he told me. "Love you Bells." I smiled. "Love you too!" I hung up the phone and decided to make dinner for myself. Charlie was rarely here which made it great for studying and spending time with Angela and Jessica. The only bad thing is it made me have to come up with a million excuses as to why Jake couldn't come over. I knew if he were here he would want more than I was ready to give and that would get him asking questions.

I was happy being his girlfriend. Right now it was enough for me. But he was always wanting more. I quickly cooked macaroni and cheese for dinner and headed upstairs. When I got to my room the window was opened and I noticed the cool breeze. I shut the window and looked outside. I knew he wasn't coming back and I had shut the idea of him returning out of my head. But every now and then... I finished all of my studying and decided to rest my head for a moment. While doing so I fell into a deep sleep. The phone disturbed my sleep and I woke with a shock. "Hello." I mumbled. No one answered. "Hello? Is anyone there?" again nothing. "Goodnight!" I hung up and got up to turn my computer off, organised my books and homework then decided to go to bed. Tomorrow was going to be hard, it always is but hopefully Jake will distract me.

The next day I woke with a shock. "Morning!" It was Jake. He had made me breakfast in bed. "Jake! What are you doing here?" I sat up and he leaned in for a quick kiss. "it's your birthday. Can't tell me you don't remember your 21st birthday bella!" I sat up and stared at the window. It was shut. "Um yeah sure." Jake moved the tray next to me. "I guess Charlie already got here before me." I shrugged. "Why do you say that?" He pointed over to blue present sitting on my desk. "Listen do you mind if I get up and get dressed? We can eat breakfast together downstairs." He smiled and took the tray away. "Okay. Don't take too long or you might just miss out!" I smiled and kissed his cheek. He kissed my lips in return. "I won't take too long!" He left my room and shut the door behind him. I ran over to the present. I knew it wasn't from Charlie. I couldn't tell Jake that. Charlie had been gone for two days on a police investigation in Seattle. Apparently they needed his expertise. It was good for him to get out of Forks every now and then. I opened the present slowly. It was a cd. I grabbed it and opened the case. I put the headphones into my cd player and popped in the cd. I hesitated pressing play. What if I was so desperate for this to be from Edward? But what if I was right? If he was here what would that mean? I moved my finger away and I took off the headphones.

"No." I quickly changed and while I had my hand on the door knob I turned back and stared at the headphones. "Oh screw it!" I put them on and pressed play. It was the song Edward had created for me. I thought I would cry or be angry. But I just smiled. Was this his way of saying sorry for hurting me? I heard Jake calling me from downstairs. I turned off my player and took off my headphones. "Coming Jake!" then I turned to my window. Was it him that left my window open? Was he trying to give this to me last night? I opened my window and left it open.

Please review and let me know what you think... :) New chapters coming very soon - have already written upto Chapter 8 :D

Li xxx


	2. Happy Birthday Bella

**Happy Birthday Bella:**

I ran downstairs and Jake had prepared a lovely breakfast. Within an hour I told him I had to study again. He shook his head. "Bells it's your birthday. Let's go cliff diving or go the movies I don't care! But you can't stay cooped in your room again! Not today!" Against my wishes I went upstairs and grabbed my handbag. When I got outside he kissed my sweetly. I jumped and moved away trying to change the subject. "Three hours Jake! Honestly that's all I can do." He grabbed me and put his arms around my waist. Suddenly the idea of him touching me scared me. What if Edward was nearby and watching this? Would he just leave again? I moved away and got in his car. "Okay let's go." It wasn't new to Jacob for me to pull away. He was probably the most patient boyfriend in the world. As we drove away I kept looking in the mirror hoping I would see something.

We spent the day at La Push. Emily and all the guys were all there. Emily cooked a wonderful lunch for us all and Jake spent the whole time with his arms wrapped around me. I couldn't help but feel the need to rush back home to see if Edward was there. I hated myself for thinking it. Why was I so desperate for him to be back? Hadn't I moved on with my life? We all finished lunch and Emily said she wanted to have a chat with just us girls. "What's on your mind Bella?" Straight to the point. "Nothing. I mean I've never been a fan of celebrating my birthday." She stopped walking and turned to me. "It's something else I know it. Come on Bella you can talk to me." But I couldn't. "It's nothing. Just there is so much school work and I guess I didn't expect it to be this tense." Emily laughed and we continued walking. "Bella you're going to be an amazing teacher. Don't give yourself such a hard time!" I nodded and we walked back to the rest of the group. I walked next to Jake and hugged him. "Thanks for today. It was great!" He held me tighter and kissed my cheek then my nose then eventually my lips. "Anything for you Bella!"

It was six o'clock and I had spent all day with Jake. We got to outside my house and he smiled at me. "How about I come in and make you some dinner?" I shook my head. "Jake today was perfect. But I really need to study." He smiled and I drew myself closer to him. I kissed him gently and hugged him tight. "Thank you for everything." He pulled my hair away from my cheek and placed another kiss there. "You're welcome. Call me if you get bored." I laughed and hopped out of the car. "Will do!" I waived him goodbye and ran upstairs. It didn't appear that anyone was there. I walked to the window and stared outside. I closed my eyes and quietly said "Edward." I turned around and I was still alone. I grabbed my keys again and headed outside. I got in my truck and headed for the meadow.

I hadn't been there in years. I had promised myself I would never go there again. There was no need. He wasn't in my life. But I had this urge to go. This hope that maybe I wasn't going crazy again. That maybe he had returned. A million thoughts entered my head and I had not one answer for anything. When I got there I walked up into the clearing. The sun had set and it looked beautiful. While walking into the clearing I closed my eyes and sat down. I tried not to let all of the memories flood back to me but it was so hard. I laid down and tried to fight the urge to wish he was here. That maybe he had loved me as much as I loved him. I stayed still. I was so comfortable and so at peace when in my heart I was nowhere near peaceful. I was still in love with someone that vanished. With someone who didn't love me and probably never could.

I rolled to my side and left my eyes shut. I could have fallen asleep if it weren't for the odd feeling I had that I wasn't alone. I opened my eyes and sat up. I couldn't see or hear anything out of the ordinary. I got up and decided to go back to my car. I took one step and as I looked straight ahead of me there he was. Edward in our meadow.

Please review. Tell me what you like/dislike about it. Thanks :D

Li xx


	3. The Meadow

**The Meadow:**

"Edward." I stared at him. He was exactly how I remembered him. "Are you real?" He nodded. "Yes." It felt like we stood in front of each other for hours, maybe days before he spoke again. "Did you get your birthday present?" I nodded. "I know I told you that when I left it would be as though I never existed. But I was nearby and had to give you the cd." I didn't know what to say. I was afraid he would leave again. "Thank you." He nodded. "You're welcome." He walked closer to me and I was afraid I would cry. "Why are you here?" He stopped walking towards me. "I am here to conduct some business for Carlisle." He sounded so cold. "Oh." I felt pathetic. He didn't come for me. "How have you been?" I tried to form words. Each sentence was harder and harder. "Good. I'm studying to be an English teacher." He smiled. "That sounds amazing Bella." The way he said my name shot fire through my veins. "I wanted to give you your present in person but you were busy." This had me confused. "What do you mean?" He looked around avoiding my eyes. "You were studying in your room." I sighed. "You could have said hello." I didn't mean for my words to sound harsh but I was hurt. "Well I have to go soon." I shrugged. "Do you? I mean maybe you could come over and we could talk? You know, catch up or something!" I was so heartbroken of the idea that he would leave so suddenly. "I don't think that's a good idea." I tried to hold back my tears. "Oh." I had so many thoughts but none were leaving my mouth. "Happy Birthday Bella." He turned to walk away and I grabbed his arm. "Please Edward. The least you could do is stay for an hour and talk to me." He looked at my arm unmoved. "One hour?" I smiled. "Yes." He nodded and I grabbed my keys. "I have a new car." He nodded. "I saw." I tried so hard not to smile. But every time I looked at him my heart jumped into my throat.. "A new truck. You'd be so proud of me." We began walking through the clearing back to my car. "Got it as an early birthday present." He barely spoke. When we got in the car he noticed the small wolf toy hanging from the mirror. But he didn't say anything about it. "It was a present from Jake." He turned away and nodded. "He's a werewolf." Still nothing. "Really? You don't have anything to say about me hanging out with a werewolf? No, 'Bella that's incredible dangerous' speeches?" He turned to me and finally replied. "You're allowed to associate and date whoever you want Bella." We got on the road and I wondered how he knew we were dating.

"Dating? Why would you think we were dating?" He turned away. "Well he's always around you." I smiled. "How would you know that?" I pulled over. "Bella I don't have long here in Forks. Why are you pulling over?" I stared at the wolf and replied. "How long have you been in Forks Edward?" He stared at me. "Three days give or take." Then I began feeling really pissed off. "You've been here for three days and you didn't bother saying hello until now." He pulled away from my glare. "I came here for business Bella. I don't have time for anything else." Rejection, hurt, humiliation were all flooding through me. "I mean that little to you? If it wasn't my birthday would you have even said hello?" He shrugged. "You've been gone for three years Edward." He hesitated to reply but finally said. "I know." I drove us back to my house and we walked inside. We were standing in the loungeroom. It was so informal. "I better go." Edward turned to the front door and I had to stop him from leaving. "I'm not happy." He stopped. "Did you hear me Edward? I'm not happy." He slightly turned around. "You looked happy." He turned around and walked towards me. He stopped just in arms length. "You weren't looking hard enough. For a year after you left every time I heard something at my window, or heard the phone ring I prayed it was you. But you never called. You never wrote, I would have no way of knowing if you were still alive." He smirked. "Technically I'm dead." I folded my arms. "Was this all just a joke to you? Is that why it's so easy for you to be back? For you to have left in the first place?" He walked closer to me and touched my cheek with his left hand. "This isn't easy for me Bella. It's torture for me to see you have moved on. To see you happy and living life. It's heartbreaking, but it's what I wanted for you." A tear left my eye without me realising until he wiped it away. "But I'm not happy Edward. I told you that. I haven't moved on. Secretly I've been waiting for you to come back to me." He then held my face with two hands and put his nose to mine. "I'm not just talking about Jacob. You're going to school and having these amazing experiences. If you and I stayed together you wouldn't have had that Bella. You would still be withering in pain from thirst." I closed my eyes and felt his cool breath on my face. I forgot how much I loved the little things about him. "I don't care about that. I never did. Just, please, you have to tell me,Doo you still love me?." I felt my heart beat so strongly I thought it would fall out of my chest. He leaned in closer to me, slowly as always and kiss the tip of my lips. The kiss was gently and slow and when he had the strength to pull away he whispered to me. "Yes I love you. I'll always love you." I put my hands to his face. It was so smooth, so cold. I leaned on my tip toes and gently placed my lips to his once again. It was like two magnets. We were unstoppable. The kiss was so intense I didn't even realise that he had taken us upstairs to my bedroom. His hands lifted my jacket off and he laid me gently on my bed. He was hovering over me and I was sure this was a dream. His tongue traced the outline of mine. His hands had a tight grip on my waist. His mouth moved down to my neck then down to my chest then out of nowhere he pulled away. I sat up and stared at him. "What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" He shook his head. His arms were crossed and he wasn't looking at me. I got up off the bed and reached out to him. I lifted his eyes to mine. They were still golden brown. "You're not hungry. It's okay you're not going to hurt me." He didn't say a word. We motioned back slowly to my bed. "You always over estimate me." I smiled and I laid on my side facing him. "We'll just take it slow." Afterward we didn't move. I wanted so badly to kiss him but it was so lovely being this close to him. I couldn't complain. I began to close my eyes and held on to Edward. I wasn't even sure if I was going to sleep or waking up.

The morning crept up on me, I hadn't even realised I was going to sleep. I heard Jakes voice coming up the stairs. Sheer panic ran though me. When I opened my eyes Edward had a finger to his lips. I turned to the door and back to ask Edward to go but he had already gone. I walked to the door and fixed my hair. "Bella open up!" I opened the door and waived. "Jake what's wrong?" He hugged me and stared at my face. "Bella you had your door wide open. That's pretty-" He stopped and looked around my room. "We have to get you out of here." He grabbed my hand and got me to the top of the stairs. "Jake what is it?" He began to look around the rooms again. "Vampires. They're around here. I'll take you to Emily's!" I broke my hand out of his grip. "I'm not going anywhere Jake I have class." He looked at me and looked at my bedroom door. "Bella a vampire has been in here! It's not safe." I began to walk back to my room and with my hand on the handle I turned and patted his shoulder. "Jake really it's okay." He followed me in my room and began looking around suspiciously. I didn't want to lie to him but I couldn't tell him Edward was back. "What aren't you telling me Bella? Have one of them come back?" I pretended to look through my books and didn't meet his suspicious gaze. "Bella answer me!" He grabbed my arm tight. "Ow Jake you're hurting me!" I really winced but he wasn't letting me go. Then right before me was Edward.


	4. Team EdwardTeam Jacob

**Team Edward/Team Jacob**

"You! I can't believe you have the nerve to show up here after what you did!" Jake pushed me out of the way and confronted Edward. "Get away from her. I don't need to answer to a mutt like you." I moved in between them. "Enough. Jake I need to talk to you." He didn't move his eyes off Edward. "If you think you're just going to come in and just ruin everything then you're in the wrong. Bella is with me now." He grabbed me and placed me beside him as if I were a trophy. "For now." Jacob snickered and his hand began to burn. "Jake calm down." He let go of me and he looked like he was about to transform. "Edward you need to go." His eyes watched as his body was shaking. "I'm not leaving you here with him Bella. He's dangerous." I stepped in between them. "Enough. I'm not doing this!" I pushed Jake and he let me. He fell to the floor and he began to calm himself down. "Edward I need to talk to Jake." He nodded and stared at Jacob. "I'll be at my house. Come when you're ready." I nodded and he walked out the door.

"When were you going to tell me that filthy blood sucker was back in town?" I knelt down and faced Jake. "Jake I'm sorry!" I put my hand to his face to comfort him but he pushed me away. "How long?" I moved back and sat down in front of him. "I only found out last night. Jake I'm confused." He began laughing and he covered his eyes with his hand. "Confused? That's hilarious Bells. He left you three years ago without any word or contact and sweeps in and decides hey it wants to date the human again. He dumped you Bella! He left you in the forest! He let Victoria come after you!" his words were cold but I knew I deserved it. I had hurt him time and time again. What else was I to expect? "Jake you know I love you." His face was hidden behind his hands. "Are you choosing him?" I sat on my knees. "I don't know." He quietly stood up and looked down at me. "It's because of him. That you couldn't get close to me. That you wouldn't let yourself be happy! But I could have made you happy Bella. I still can." I stood up and stared at him. He was my gentle giant. He loved me unconditionally and all I could do is break his heart. "I have to figure that out for myself Jake. I need to know once and for all who I'm supposed to be with." He nodded and before leaving my room said one more thing. "He'll leave you again Bella. But this time I won't be there to put you back together again." He stood up and stared at me before jumping through the window. "If you do this, if you really do this to us then I don't want to see you ever again." I looked away while he left and knew he was speaking the truth. And I couldn't blame him one bit.

I went downstairs and got in my truck and headed for the Cullens old house. Edward was standing outside. "I guess we should talk." I got out of the car and into his arms where I never wanted to leave. We walked up to his old bedroom and sat on his lounge where we began to talk. "Did you come back to see me?" He nodded. "I've been checking up on you every few months." Suddenly my breath was shallow. "Well I mean I've sent Alice to check on you. I knew if I were here in person I wouldn't leave." I folded my arms and sat back. It was a lot to take in. "So Alice told you that Jake and I were dating?" He nodded. "Bella, I left so that you could have a normal life and be happy. You shouldn't have to worry about my world. You should be able to grow up, have babies and be you. If we stayed together you would either have died or become like me." As tears began to form in my eyes I tried all I could to hold back. "Would that have been so bad? For me to be like you?" He nodded. "You don't know what it's like to live like this." Then the tears fell. "_You_ don't know what it's like to live like this! You think it's easy to know you left me because I wasn't good enough for you." I got up off the lounge and began walking in circles in his room. "Bella." He held me gently and whispered. "I only said that so you wouldn't come looking for me. So you would move on. Do you think for one second I actually believed anything that I said?" I didn't know how to answer. I moved out of his grip. "I don't know Edward. All I know is that I've been a shadow of myself because I lost you. I was ready to live that life with you! To be a vampire and love you forever." I took another step back. "But you left me. You just left!" I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to keep a deep breath.

He gently moved his hands to the shape of my face. "I wanted something better for you. I wanted you to be happy." Without meaning to I punched into his chest. "I was happy Edward." I left the room and walked outside. I sat down wondering what to do next. He followed me and sat next to me. "I'm leaving Forks tomorrow. If you want me to stay I'll stay." What a stupid question. I wanted him to stay forever. "I'll be leaving tomorrow night. I did actually have something to organise for Carlisle." I turned to him and asked. "Don't you have a cell?" He smiled. "I wouldn't leave without giving you a way to contact me." I laughed. "You mean again right?" He nodded. "I missed you dearly Bella." I smiled and looked at his golden eyes. "Me too." He leaned in and gently placed a kiss on my lips. "I better go." I stood up and faced Edward. "Will you promise to come back after you've helped out Carlisle?" He nodded. "Here is my number." He pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket. "Come and see me before you go okay?" He nodded and kissed me on the cheek. "Promise Edward." He smirked and whispered in my ear "I promise." He hugged me and walked me to my car. With my hand on the door I stared at him. "Please don't disappear again." He nodded. "I promise. I'll be here until tomorrow night so come and see me." I got in the car and waived as I drove away. I was nervous the whole way home until I called his cell. "Hello." I smiled. "Just wanted you to know I got home okay." He chuckled. "Thanks. I'll see you soon?" I nodded. "Yes." We hung up and I went inside.


	5. Decisions, decisions

**Decisions, decisions:**

That afternoon I pulled out the photo album from under my bed. It was filled of pictures with me and Jake. Was I cruel to him? Was I using him to survive? Of course. But I didn't have a choice. I was told by Charlie after a year of Edward leaving that I had other options. It wasn't as though I didn't love Jake. Like I didn't want to be in love with him the way he loved me. He was my best friend. But was I able to live without Edward again? Seeing him, just for the few hours I did, how is it possible it erased any romantic feeling I had for Jake? I flipped through the photos and began to cry. The whole situation was ridiculous and heart breaking. If I said no to Jacob I would lose him forever. Billy would hate me too and never let me near La Push again. Not to mention how disappointed Charlie would be with me. I'm sure he had it in his head for a long time that we would get married and live happily ever after. And if I said no to Edward I know that I would be going against my heart. I know I would never be able to be myself again. If he left town again this time I wasn't sure if I would survive. That was all I did when he left the first time. Survive. I didn't start to make sense or look like myself until my 19th birthday. I couldn't put Charlie through that again. While I turned over page by page I knew these were all excuses Although it was true that I worried I would be hated by Billy and Jacob I knew what my heart was choosing. But how to tell Jake? How was I going to look him in the eye and say "Well thanks for saving me and loving me! Gotta go now!" I couldn't. But I couldn't continue to be his girl, if that's what I was.

I rested my head and began to cry. I hated being selfish, I hated that soon I would have to walk into Jacobs arms for the last time. As I cried I began getting so furious with myself. Why couldn't I tell Edward to leave? Why couldn't I tell him it was too late for us? Because I still loved him! It was that easy to answer. But apart from my relationship with Jake so much else had changed. I was in university and studying to be a teacher. Would I stop that? Would I give that up too? What about Charlie? If I left town he would be miserable without me. Without any real explanation why his only child is leaving him for a man that left her years ago. I told Edward a long time ago I never wanted to be the kind of girl who would just follow her boyfriend. But isn't that what I was doing now? I closed my eyes when I heard a tap on the window. It was Jake. I walked over to the window and opened it. He quickly moved inside. "Hi." We hugged and I spoke into his chest "Hi." He held me for moments when I finally began to pull away. "We need to talk." He crossed his arms. "No Bella. You can't be that stupid." I pulled my hair back and put it into a pony tail. "Let's sit down." But he didn't move. "Bella please don't do this." I sat down and avoided his stare. "I have to." His words were still spoken softly. He sat besides me and his eyes didn't move off me. "Why? Didn't I make you happy? Didn't I love you with everything that I am?" I nodded. "Yes. Which makes me think I should have done this sooner." Tears began to form and I didn't know if I could avoid this lump in my throat and actually say the words. "So that's what it's like? You prefer to be used and left is that right?" He got up off the bed and crossed his arms again. "Jake I love you." He had his back to me and whispered. "Don't use words you don't understand Bella." He motioned to the window and I grabbed his arm. "Jake I'm sorry. You think I don't hate myself for this? For all of this? Do you think I wanted it this way?" He couldn't look in my eyes. I could tell he was about to cry. "Don't you think I tried?" He pushed my arm away and stared at me one last time. "No Bella I don't. All of your energy was placed on him and I, I didn't stand a chance with you." He jumped out the window and ran away. I felt like I was going to drown in my tears.

I heard a strange sound from outside my bedroom door but I couldn't move. I felt a pair of strong cold arms around me. "I'm so sorry." I turned around and let Edward hold me. I spent the rest of the night in his arms crying and saying things that I am sure didn't make sense to him. I didn't feel myself falling asleep but I did feel that Edward's grip was not getting loose. Maybe he meant it when he said he wouldn't disappear again.

- I have another chapter written but I would like a few reviews before I post - just so I know you're still enjoying the story. :) It always helps to have feedback, thanks! :)


	6. Charlie Returns

**Charlie returns:**

My eyes began to flutter and I finally was able to make myself wake up. There he was holding onto me, staring at me with a big grin on his face. "Good morning." I smiled. "Good morning." I knew we still had a lot to work out. But waking up next to him, it made me happier than I had ever been. I moved over closer to him and gently kissed him on the cheek, then gently on the mouth. I began to get a little carried away but he didn't stop me this time. I guess being separated for three years made us both appreciate each other a little more. The other reason why he let me kiss him so passionately? Guilt. I was sure of it. But I didn't care. I still wasn't sure how he was in my arms. I moved my body to be closer to him and before I knew it I had rolled on top of him. I couldn't explain what happened next. It was magnificent. He smoothly moved his hands from my back to my waist and his grip was amazing. I felt wanted, like I was worth the world. I moved my hands to his shirt and began to unbutton them. When I had finished I had moved to my own when I felt his hands on mine. "Bella I think we need to stop." I ignored him and pushed his hand away. I had successfully unbuttoned three buttons when he swiftly rolled us over so he could be on top and out of nowhere he left the room. I sat up and called out his name. "Edward. Where did you go?" I began to button my shirt back up and heard someone walking up the stairs. "Charlie!" I said to myself. I jumped up and fixed my hair in my mirror and just in time to hear him call out. "Bells. Are you here?" I took a breath and walked to my door and unlocked it. "Hey dad!" We hugged and he gave me a card. "Sorry kid, forgot to leave this before I went. How was your birthday?" A million thoughts entered my head. "Um that's okay. My birthday was uh great. How was Seatle?" We walked downstairs and he looked in the fridge. "Well nothing has been solved yet. I might need to go back next week again." He grabbed a can of beer and closed the fridge. "I might be going to Billy's tonight. Are you coming?" I folded my arms trying to explain that I probably wouldn't be welcomed there.

"Uh no I've still got a lot of studying." He nodded and looked at me in a weird way. "Bella is everything okay?" I nodded then shook my head. "Actually no, there's something I need to tell you." He listened. Sometimes I hated the fact my dad was a cop, it made certain lies so much harder to tell. Especially when my ex is a werewolf and my other ex is a vampire. "Well uh, something's happened with me and Jake." He took a sip of his beer and waited for me to finish. "We broke up. At least we were breaking up sort of so yeah I don't think I'll go tonight." He put his beer down and gave me a hug. "I'm so sorry kid. What happened? Jake is such a good guy, did he hurt you?" I nearly laughed. It was all so horrible. "No dad, he didn't hurt me. I just admitted something to myself that I should have a long time ago. We're not in love." But Charlie looked confused. "But he loves you Bells." I nodded and tried to meet eye contact. "But I don't love him dad. Not the way he loves me and I don't think I ever will. I've tried, I really have but it's just not there. I'm not supposed to be with him." He gave me another hug and whispered. "It's okay kiddo, I understand. These things are hard." He gave me a kiss on the cheek. "You look kinda weird. Is there anything else you wanna talk about?" this was my chance. But I couldn't utter the words. I hadn't really begun to understand all the emotions of what happened in the past 24 hours. I knew the reasons why Edward left but how could I translate that to him? "Actually no." So I lied. "Well I'm gunna check in at work then head to Billy's. I'm real sorry this didn't work out kiddo!" I nodded, grabbed his jacket then left. I ran upstairs and opened my bedroom door. There was Edward on my bed, hands behind his head. Just like the first time he stayed in my room. I smiled and he smiled back. "What?" I sat next to him and he moved his hands around me. "I was just remembering the first night you stayed here." He smiled "Oh. Maybe we can recreate that night." I kissed him gently. "Will you be here tonight?" He nodded. "For as long as you want me." I nestled into his arms and watched as the sun beamed through my window. It was rare that in Forks the sun shinned. I watched as it trailed down Edwards face. The past three years felt like a dream. Like Edward didn't exist and neither did his species. I trailed my finger down his forehead and down his nose and stopped at his lips. "Do you think I'll ever be able to make this up to you?" His eyes softened and I was sure if he could have cried he could have "Yes. It'll take time. For now I'm doing everything I can to make myself believe you're real and you're here." He smiled and grabbed my hand and stared at my fingers. "I promise if you let me stay, I'll stay forever." We had so much to talk through but I just couldn't bring myself to say another word. I rested next to Edward and closed my eyes. "I love you." To everyone else in my world I am sure they'd think I was crazy to be back with Edward. Especially Charlie! I knew the pain I caused him when Edward left. But I can't rationalise the love I have for him. I wasn't going to let him off the hook, he would need to work at earning my trust. But for the main part I had chosen him. Little did I know the battle had just begun!


	7. Holding Back

**Holding back:**

I had been laying with Edward for almost an hour when he whispered "Charlie." Without any warning Edward was gone and my door now burst open. "You know I thought we were a family Bella." He began pacing back and forward. "I thought that after everything you went through you would have learnt a lesson in who to trust and who to throw away." Then it occurred to me. Somehow it hadn't before. Jake told Charlie about Edward. "Dad just calm down!" the glare Charlie gave me could have burnt through me. "When were you going to tell me Bella? Or did you think it would be easier for Jacob to tell me?" A lump entered my throat and I couldn't reply. "How do you think he felt telling me that my daughter broke his heart because the Cullen's are back in town? After everything he did for you! He was there for you when Edward left. How could you throw that away?" I sat down unable to explain or defend what had happened. "Do you have any idea what you've done to him Bella? Why in the world would you even be talking to that Cullen kid." I got a little angry even though at the time I didn't really have the right to. "His name is Edward dad." He kept on pacing. "How could you Bells? He's in love with you kid. Do you really not see that?" I nodded. "I know. Alright I know. You just don't understand-" he cut me off and began to laugh. "Oh I understand alright Bella. He comes into town being all sweet and kind explaining why he left you, how it was so selfless for him. But he wasn't here Bella! He didn't see you fall apart and watch as everyone you knew tried to put the pieces back together again."

I took a deep breath and he knelt down to my eye level. "You might not remember kiddo, but you were a wreck. You abandoned all your friends you looked a mess and for seven months straight you barely slept. I can still remember the screaming." He stopped and waited for me to respond. "I remember." He shook his head and started again. "He left you Bella. He broke up with you and vanished. How can you forgive him so easily?" I tried to hold back the tears. "I can't explain it. I know that it'll take some work for us to get back to where we were and we have to talk a lot out but I want this. Dad, I want him." He stood up and put his hands on his face to try and wake himself up. "I don't want him here Bella." I knew this would start. I knew Charlie wouldn't welcome him into our house. "Okay." He shook his head. "I mean it. If I see him I'm putting him behind bars." I could have argued that I was 21 or that I knew what I was doing but I had to respect Charlie. "Okay." I stood up and we hugged. He left the room and I wondered if Edward heard all of that.

I looked out the window and whispered "Edward!" then I felt his arms around me. I turned to stare him. "I'm sorry." He smiled and gently touched my face. "It's nothing more than I deserve. I have to earn back his trust." I leaned into his chest and I could feel him playing with my hair. "I wish I had a time machine." I smiled. "Me too." He leaned in and touched his lips with mine. "Was it hard to hear?" He nodded. "It killed me to leave Bella. Each day felt like a year but I did it for you. I thought I was doing the right thing. I don't think you would hurt like that. I'm so sorry." We hugged tighter. I didn't have any magical answer. All I could do was hold him. "We'll get through it." He nodded but his eyes. They looked the way they did the night after my birthday party. "You know you can't leave again." He stared straight through my eyes. "I don't think it's possible for me to leave Bella. You're my everything." We kissed again. This time around it was harder. It had been a long time since he had been around my sent. I tried not to take the small kisses as a bad sign. "Since I'm not allowed here maybe you can wander over to my house every now and then." I smiled. "He said if he see's you he'll put you behind bars. Let's just concentrate on the whole him not seeing you part." We laughed and hugged once more.


	8. Two Weeks Later

**Two weeks later.**

For the next two weeks I didn't speak a word of Edward and I could tell that was making Charlie nervous. I think he would rather know what was happening then watch me tippy toe around him. "Alright Bella enough." He said while slamming down his fork. I had made one of his favourite dishes, spaghetti bolognese in hopes that after a while he might forgive me. I couldn't imagine it would have been easy being friends with Billy after what happened. "What?" I put the pan over the sink and sat down next to him. "I hate this. I guess it's time for you to tell me what's going on with you and uh, him." I was happy that Charlie didn't use any other name like previously since Edward was upstairs. "Well uh, you really want to hear about me and Edward?" He shook his head. "No, but it makes me nervous. Lately you've been really happy, and don't get me wrong kid but you were happy last time. I just want to make sure he's treating you good." I nodded. "I know and yes he's treating me good. His family are coming back to Forks." That took him by surprise. "All of them? Geez Bells I wish you told me earlier." I took a sip of my cola and hesitatingly replied. "Well, it was only sorted last night. I think it's a good thing dad." I began eating again and I could feel him looking at me. "What?" He began eating too then stopped and stared again. "Bells just take it slow okay? I really don't want to find out you're pregnant and he's left town again." That answer shocked me. "Dad geez." Embarrassed I couldn't face him. "Sorry but you're not a child anymore and things are different than before! I know you're more serious and I just don't want to see him ruin your life!"

With that remark I put my plate in the sink and said goodnight. "Don't be made Bells." Dad said while throwing his napkin down. "You've been working so hard and I don't want you to throw it away. You've only got one more year and you're finished college." I nodded and said goodnight again. I opened my door and Edward was pretending to read Wuthering Heights. "Hi." I crawled on the bed next to him and he smiled and put the book down. "You know I'm wondering why did you decide to stay at home instead of going to a dorm." I smiled and kissed his cheek. "Well if I did then we wouldn't exactly have privacy right now would we?" He smiled and threw the book behind him. He was laying next to me just staring. "I'm sorry that things between you and Charlie aren't back to normal yet." I nodded and played with his hair. "Well he's taking it better than I thought he would." He leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips then the chin then the cheek. It was adorable. "Besides I should be apologising. I'm sorry he said, well everything that he's said." He smiled and kissed my lips before stopping and looking at my forehead. "What?" he began making a funny face. "Seriously what? Why are you looking at me like that?" He smiled. "Just trying to read your mind. But unfortunately you're still blocking me." I smiled and played with his hair again. "I don't mean to." We kissed for a moment then he rolled off me and collected the book he threw. He seemed a little distant and I just had to ask why. "What is it? What are you thinking?" He turned through Wuthering Heights and ignored my stare. "Just thinking about things." I rolled over on my side so I could see him more clearly. "What things?" "Well I've been thinking. About what we've been doing the time we've been apart." It was odd of him to bring it up. Hadn't we been trying to work through it? "Oh. And?" He quickly looked in my eyes and back at the book. "I want to ask you something, and I have no right to ask it." I began to get nervous. I sat up and stared at him. I grabbed the book and threw it on the floor. "You can ask me anything Edward." He still couldn't meet my gaze. I knew it was bad. "It's just, with Charlie talking about things and well it got me thinking. Please don't be offended because I don't care what the answer is, it's purely curiosity." I nodded impatiently and asked "What is it Edward?" He sat up next to me and quietly asked. "Did you sleep with Jacob?"


	9. While You Were Sleeping

**Three years later:**

It's been three years. I always hated being celebrated but this was different. This was because of him.

Jake and I had been on and off for years. We've now been dating for seven months nonstop and it's kind of nice. He's been putting up with me for so long, it's odd to think there was a time in my life where he wasn't there. A time when I didn't need him.

The phone rang and I nearly tripped as I run to get it. "Hello?" I began to heard laughing. Instantly I knew. "Tripped over again?" I untangled the phone and walked to the fridge. "A little. What's up Jake?" I began drinking my bottle of juice. "Seth and the others are having another party at La Push. Wanna come?" I looked at the clock. "Jake I'd love to but I'm kind of behind on my studying." He tooth a deep breath and I was ready to defend my answer. "Bells come on. You haven't hung out with me all week!" I sighed. "Look Jake you know I'd love to, but you're the reason I'm behind on my studying in the first place!" He laughed. "Okay then. Well if you change your mind you know where to find me!" I sighed. "Okay. Night Jake!" then he told me. "Love you Bells." I smiled. "Love you too!" I hung up the phone and decided to make dinner for myself. Charlie was rarely here which made it great for studying and spending time with Angela and Jessica. The only bad thing is it made me have to come up with a million excuses as to why Jake couldn't come over. I knew if he were here he would want more than I was ready to give and that would get him asking questions.

I was happy being his girlfriend. Right now it was enough for me. But he was always wanting more. I quickly cooked macaroni and cheese for dinner and headed upstairs. When I got to my room the window was opened and I noticed the cool breeze. I shut the window and looked outside. I knew he wasn't coming back and I had shut the idea of him returning out of my head. But every now and then... I finished all of my studying and decided to rest my head for a moment. While doing so I fell into a deep sleep. The phone disturbed my sleep and I woke with a shock. "Hello." I mumbled. No one answered. "Hello? Is anyone there?" again nothing. "Goodnight!" I hung up and got up to turn my computer off, organised my books and homework then decided to go to bed. Tomorrow was going to be hard, it always is but hopefully Jake will distract me.

The next day I woke with a shock. "Morning!" It was Jake. He had made me breakfast in bed. "Jake! What are you doing here?" I sat up and he leaned in for a quick kiss. "it's your birthday. Can't tell me you don't remember your 21st birthday bella!" I sat up and stared at the window. It was shut. "Um yeah sure." Jake moved the tray next to me. "I guess Charlie already got here before me." I shrugged. "Why do you say that?" He pointed over to blue present sitting on my desk. "Listen do you mind if I get up and get dressed? We can eat breakfast together downstairs." He smiled and took the tray away. "Okay. Don't take too long or you might just miss out!" I smiled and kissed his cheek. He kissed my lips in return. "I won't take too long!" He left my room and shut the door behind him. I ran over to the present. I knew it wasn't from Charlie. I couldn't tell Jake that. Charlie had been gone for two days on a police investigation in Seattle. Apparently they needed his expertise. It was good for him to get out of Forks every now and then. I opened the present slowly. It was a cd. I grabbed it and opened the case. I put the headphones into my cd player and popped in the cd. I hesitated pressing play. What if I was so desperate for this to be from Edward? But what if I was right? If he was here what would that mean? I moved my finger away and I took off the headphones.

"No." I quickly changed and while I had my hand on the door knob I turned back and stared at the headphones. "Oh screw it!" I put them on and pressed play. It was the song Edward had created for me. I thought I would cry or be angry. But I just smiled. Was this his way of saying sorry for hurting me? I heard Jake calling me from downstairs. I turned off my player and took off my headphones. "Coming Jake!" then I turned to my window. Was it him that left my window open? Was he trying to give this to me last night? I opened my window and left it open.

**Happy Birthday Bella:**

I ran downstairs and Jake had prepared a lovely breakfast. Within an hour I told him I had to study again. He shook his head. "Bells it's your birthday. Let's go cliff diving or go the movies I don't care! But you can't stay cooped in your room again! Not today!" Against my wishes I went upstairs and grabbed my handbag. When I got outside he kissed my sweetly. I jumped and moved away trying to change the subject. "Three hours Jake! Honestly that's all I can do." He grabbed me and put his arms around my waist. Suddenly the idea of him touching me scared me. What if Edward was nearby and watching this? Would he just leave again? I moved away and got in his car. "Okay let's go." It wasn't new to Jacob for me to pull away. He was probably the most patient boyfriend in the world. As we drove away I kept looking in the mirror hoping I would see something.

We spent the day at La Push. Emily and all the guys were all there. Emily cooked a wonderful lunch for us all and Jake spent the whole time with his arms wrapped around me. I couldn't help but feel the need to rush back home to see if Edward was there. I hated myself for thinking it. Why was I so desperate for him to be back? Hadn't I moved on with my life? We all finished lunch and Emily said she wanted to have a chat with just us girls. "What's on your mind Bella?" Straight to the point. "Nothing. I mean I've never been a fan of celebrating my birthday." She stopped walking and turned to me. "It's something else I know it. Come on Bella you can talk to me." But I couldn't. "It's nothing. Just there is so much school work and I guess I didn't expect it to be this tense." Emily laughed and we continued walking. "Bella you're going to be an amazing teacher. Don't give yourself such a hard time!" I nodded and we walked back to the rest of the group. I walked next to Jake and hugged him. "Thanks for today. It was great!" He held me tighter and kissed my cheek then my nose then eventually my lips. "Anything for you Bella!"

It was six o'clock and I had spent all day with Jake. We got to outside my house and he smiled at me. "How about I come in and make you some dinner?" I shook my head. "Jake today was perfect. But I really need to study." He smiled and I drew myself closer to him. I kissed him gently and hugged him tight. "Thank you for everything." He pulled my hair away from my cheek and placed another kiss there. "You're welcome. Call me if you get bored." I laughed and hopped out of the car. "Will do!" I waived him goodbye and ran upstairs. It didn't appear that anyone was there. I walked to the window and stared outside. I closed my eyes and quietly said "Edward." I turned around and I was still alone. I grabbed my keys again and headed outside. I got in my truck and headed for the meadow.

I hadn't been there in years. I had promised myself I would never go there again. There was no need. He wasn't in my life. But I had this urge to go. This hope that maybe I wasn't going crazy again. That maybe he had returned. A million thoughts entered my head and I had not one answer for anything. When I got there I walked up into the clearing. The sun had set and it looked beautiful. While walking into the clearing I closed my eyes and sat down. I tried not to let all of the memories flood back to me but it was so hard. I laid down and tried to fight the urge to wish he was here. That maybe he had loved me as much as I loved him. I stayed still. I was so comfortable and so at peace when in my heart I was nowhere near peaceful. I was still in love with someone that vanished. With someone who didn't love me and probably never could.

I rolled to my side and left my eyes shut. I could have fallen asleep if it weren't for the odd feeling I had that I wasn't alone. I opened my eyes and sat up. I couldn't see or hear anything out of the ordinary. I got up and decided to go back to my car. I took one step and as I looked straight ahead of me there he was. Edward in our meadow.

**The meadow:**

"Edward." I stared at him. He was exactly how I remembered him. "Are you real?" He nodded. "Yes." It felt like we stood in front of each other for hours, maybe days before he spoke again. "Did you get your birthday present?" I nodded. "I know I told you that when I left it would be as though I never existed. But I was nearby and had to give you the cd." I didn't know what to say. I was afraid he would leave again. "Thank you." He nodded. "You're welcome." He walked closer to me and I was afraid I would cry. "Why are you here?" He stopped walking towards me. "I am here to conduct some business for Carlisle." He sounded so cold. "Oh." I felt pathetic. He didn't come for me. "How have you been?" I tried to form words. Each sentence was harder and harder. "Good. I'm studying to be an English teacher." He smiled. "That sounds amazing Bella." The way he said my name shot fire through my veins. "I wanted to give you your present in person but you were busy." This had me confused. "What do you mean?" He looked around avoiding my eyes. "You were studying in your room." I sighed. "You could have said hello." I didn't mean for my words to sound harsh but I was hurt. "Well I have to go soon." I shrugged. "Do you? I mean maybe you could come over and we could talk? You know, catch up or something!" I was so heartbroken of the idea that he would leave so suddenly. "I don't think that's a good idea." I tried to hold back my tears. "Oh." I had so many thoughts but none were leaving my mouth. "Happy Birthday Bella." He turned to walk away and I grabbed his arm. "Please Edward. The least you could do is stay for an hour and talk to me." He looked at my arm unmoved. "One hour?" I smiled. "Yes." He nodded and I grabbed my keys. "I have a new car." He nodded. "I saw." I tried so hard not to smile. But every time I looked at him my heart jumped into my throat.. "A new truck. You'd be so proud of me." We began walking through the clearing back to my car. "Got it as an early birthday present." He barely spoke. When we got in the car he noticed the small wolf toy hanging from the mirror. But he didn't say anything about it. "It was a present from Jake." He turned away and nodded. "He's a werewolf." Still nothing. "Really? You don't have anything to say about me hanging out with a werewolf? No, 'Bella that's incredible dangerous' speeches?" He turned to me and finally replied. "You're allowed to associate and date whoever you want Bella." We got on the road and I wondered how he knew we were dating.

"Dating? Why would you think we were dating?" He turned away. "Well he's always around you." I smiled. "How would you know that?" I pulled over. "Bella I don't have long here in Forks. Why are you pulling over?" I stared at the wolf and replied. "How long have you been in Forks Edward?" He stared at me. "Three days give or take." Then I began feeling really pissed off. "You've been here for three days and you didn't bother saying hello until now." He pulled away from my glare. "I came here for business Bella. I don't have time for anything else." Rejection, hurt, humiliation were all flooding through me. "I mean that little to you? If it wasn't my birthday would you have even said hello?" He shrugged. "You've been gone for three years Edward." He hesitated to reply but finally said. "I know." I drove us back to my house and we walked inside. We were standing in the loungeroom. It was so informal. "I better go." Edward turned to the front door and I had to stop him from leaving. "I'm not happy." He stopped. "Did you hear me Edward? I'm not happy." He slightly turned around. "You looked happy." He turned around and walked towards me. He stopped just in arms length. "You weren't looking hard enough. For a year after you left every time I heard something at my window, or heard the phone ring I prayed it was you. But you never called. You never wrote, I would have no way of knowing if you were still alive." He smirked. "Technically I'm dead." I folded my arms. "Was this all just a joke to you? Is that why it's so easy for you to be back? For you to have left in the first place?" He walked closer to me and touched my cheek with his left hand. "This isn't easy for me Bella. It's torture for me to see you have moved on. To see you happy and living life. It's heartbreaking, but it's what I wanted for you." A tear left my eye without me realising until he wiped it away. "But I'm not happy Edward. I told you that. I haven't moved on. Secretly I've been waiting for you to come back to me." He then held my face with two hands and put his nose to mine. "I'm not just talking about Jacob. You're going to school and having these amazing experiences. If you and I stayed together you wouldn't have had that Bella. You would still be withering in pain from thirst." I closed my eyes and felt his cool breath on my face. I forgot how much I loved the little things about him. "I don't care about that. I never did. Just, please, you have to tell me,Doo you still love me?." I felt my heart beat so strongly I thought it would fall out of my chest. He leaned in closer to me, slowly as always and kiss the tip of my lips. The kiss was gently and slow and when he had the strength to pull away he whispered to me. "Yes I love you. I'll always love you." I put my hands to his face. It was so smooth, so cold. I leaned on my tip toes and gently placed my lips to his once again. It was like two magnets. We were unstoppable. The kiss was so intense I didn't even realise that he had taken us upstairs to my bedroom. His hands lifted my jacket off and he laid me gently on my bed. He was hovering over me and I was sure this was a dream. His tongue traced the outline of mine. His hands had a tight grip on my waist. His mouth moved down to my neck then down to my chest then out of nowhere he pulled away. I sat up and stared at him. "What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" He shook his head. His arms were crossed and he wasn't looking at me. I got up off the bed and reached out to him. I lifted his eyes to mine. They were still golden brown. "You're not hungry. It's okay you're not going to hurt me." He didn't say a word. We motioned back slowly to my bed. "You always over estimate me." I smiled and I laid on my side facing him. "We'll just take it slow." Afterward we didn't move. I wanted so badly to kiss him but it was so lovely being this close to him. I couldn't complain. I began to close my eyes and held on to Edward. I wasn't even sure if I was going to sleep or waking up.

The morning crept up on me, I hadn't even realised I was going to sleep. I heard Jakes voice coming up the stairs. Sheer panic ran though me. When I opened my eyes Edward had a finger to his lips. I turned to the door and back to ask Edward to go but he had already gone. I walked to the door and fixed my hair. "Bella open up!" I opened the door and waived. "Jake what's wrong?" He hugged me and stared at my face. "Bella you had your door wide open. That's pretty-" He stopped and looked around my room. "We have to get you out of here." He grabbed my hand and got me to the top of the stairs. "Jake what is it?" He began to look around the rooms again. "Vampires. They're around here. I'll take you to Emily's!" I broke my hand out of his grip. "I'm not going anywhere Jake I have class." He looked at me and looked at my bedroom door. "Bella a vampire has been in here! It's not safe." I began to walk back to my room and with my hand on the handle I turned and patted his shoulder. "Jake really it's okay." He followed me in my room and began looking around suspiciously. I didn't want to lie to him but I couldn't tell him Edward was back. "What aren't you telling me Bella? Have one of them come back?" I pretended to look through my books and didn't meet his suspicious gaze. "Bella answer me!" He grabbed my arm tight. "Ow Jake you're hurting me!" I really winced but he wasn't letting me go. Then right before me was Edward.

**Team Edward/Team Jacob**

"You! I can't believe you have the nerve to show up here after what you did!" Jake pushed me out of the way and confronted Edward. "Get away from her. I don't need to answer to a mutt like you." I moved in between them. "Enough. Jake I need to talk to you." He didn't move his eyes off Edward. "If you think you're just going to come in and just ruin everything then you're in the wrong. Bella is with me now." He grabbed me and placed me beside him as if I were a trophy. "For now." Jacob snickered and his hand began to burn. "Jake calm down." He let go of me and he looked like he was about to transform. "Edward you need to go." His eyes watched as his body was shaking. "I'm not leaving you here with him Bella. He's dangerous." I stepped in between them. "Enough. I'm not doing this!" I pushed Jake and he let me. He fell to the floor and he began to calm himself down. "Edward I need to talk to Jake." He nodded and stared at Jacob. "I'll be at my house. Come when you're ready." I nodded and he walked out the door.

"When were you going to tell me that filthy blood sucker was back in town?" I knelt down and faced Jake. "Jake I'm sorry!" I put my hand to his face to comfort him but he pushed me away. "How long?" I moved back and sat down in front of him. "I only found out last night. Jake I'm confused." He began laughing and he covered his eyes with his hand. "Confused? That's hilarious Bells. He left you three years ago without any word or contact and sweeps in and decides hey it wants to date the human again. He dumped you Bella! He left you in the forest! He let Victoria come after you!" his words were cold but I knew I deserved it. I had hurt him time and time again. What else was I to expect? "Jake you know I love you." His face was hidden behind his hands. "Are you choosing him?" I sat on my knees. "I don't know." He quietly stood up and looked down at me. "It's because of him. That you couldn't get close to me. That you wouldn't let yourself be happy! But I could have made you happy Bella. I still can." I stood up and stared at him. He was my gentle giant. He loved me unconditionally and all I could do is break his heart. "I have to figure that out for myself Jake. I need to know once and for all who I'm supposed to be with." He nodded and before leaving my room said one more thing. "He'll leave you again Bella. But this time I won't be there to put you back together again." He stood up and stared at me before jumping through the window. "If you do this, if you really do this to us then I don't want to see you ever again." I looked away while he left and knew he was speaking the truth. And I couldn't blame him one bit.

I went downstairs and got in my truck and headed for the Cullens old house. Edward was standing outside. "I guess we should talk." I got out of the car and into his arms where I never wanted to leave. We walked up to his old bedroom and sat on his lounge where we began to talk. "Did you come back to see me?" He nodded. "I've been checking up on you every few months." Suddenly my breath was shallow. "Well I mean I've sent Alice to check on you. I knew if I were here in person I wouldn't leave." I folded my arms and sat back. It was a lot to take in. "So Alice told you that Jake and I were dating?" He nodded. "Bella, I left so that you could have a normal life and be happy. You shouldn't have to worry about my world. You should be able to grow up, have babies and be you. If we stayed together you would either have died or become like me." As tears began to form in my eyes I tried all I could to hold back. "Would that have been so bad? For me to be like you?" He nodded. "You don't know what it's like to live like this." Then the tears fell. "_You_ don't know what it's like to live like this! You think it's easy to know you left me because I wasn't good enough for you." I got up off the lounge and began walking in circles in his room. "Bella." He held me gently and whispered. "I only said that so you wouldn't come looking for me. So you would move on. Do you think for one second I actually believed anything that I said?" I didn't know how to answer. I moved out of his grip. "I don't know Edward. All I know is that I've been a shadow of myself because I lost you. I was ready to live that life with you! To be a vampire and love you forever." I took another step back. "But you left me. You just left!" I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to keep a deep breath.

He gently moved his hands to the shape of my face. "I wanted something better for you. I wanted you to be happy." Without meaning to I punched into his chest. "I was happy Edward." I left the room and walked outside. I sat down wondering what to do next. He followed me and sat next to me. "I'm leaving Forks tomorrow. If you want me to stay I'll stay." What a stupid question. I wanted him to stay forever. "I'll be leaving tomorrow night. I did actually have something to organise for Carlisle." I turned to him and asked. "Don't you have a cell?" He smiled. "I wouldn't leave without giving you a way to contact me." I laughed. "You mean again right?" He nodded. "I missed you dearly Bella." I smiled and looked at his golden eyes. "Me too." He leaned in and gently placed a kiss on my lips. "I better go." I stood up and faced Edward. "Will you promise to come back after you've helped out Carlisle?" He nodded. "Here is my number." He pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket. "Come and see me before you go okay?" He nodded and kissed me on the cheek. "Promise Edward." He smirked and whispered in my ear "I promise." He hugged me and walked me to my car. With my hand on the door I stared at him. "Please don't disappear again." He nodded. "I promise. I'll be here until tomorrow night so come and see me." I got in the car and waived as I drove away. I was nervous the whole way home until I called his cell. "Hello." I smiled. "Just wanted you to know I got home okay." He chuckled. "Thanks. I'll see you soon?" I nodded. "Yes." We hung up and I went inside.

**Decisions, decisions:**

That afternoon I pulled out the photo album from under my bed. It was filled of pictures with me and Jake. Was I cruel to him? Was I using him to survive? Of course. But I didn't have a choice. I was told by Charlie after a year of Edward leaving that I had other options. It wasn't as though I didn't love Jake. Like I didn't want to be in love with him the way he loved me. He was my best friend. But was I able to live without Edward again? Seeing him, just for the few hours I did, how is it possible it erased any romantic feeling I had for Jake? I flipped through the photos and began to cry. The whole situation was ridiculous and heart breaking. If I said no to Jacob I would lose him forever. Billy would hate me too and never let me near La Push again. Not to mention how disappointed Charlie would be with me. I'm sure he had it in his head for a long time that we would get married and live happily ever after. And if I said no to Edward I know that I would be going against my heart. I know I would never be able to be myself again. If he left town again this time I wasn't sure if I would survive. That was all I did when he left the first time. Survive. I didn't start to make sense or look like myself until my 19th birthday. I couldn't put Charlie through that again. While I turned over page by page I knew these were all excuses Although it was true that I worried I would be hated by Billy and Jacob I knew what my heart was choosing. But how to tell Jake? How was I going to look him in the eye and say "Well thanks for saving me and loving me! Gotta go now!" I couldn't. But I couldn't continue to be his girl, if that's what I was.

I rested my head and began to cry. I hated being selfish, I hated that soon I would have to walk into Jacobs arms for the last time. As I cried I began getting so furious with myself. Why couldn't I tell Edward to leave? Why couldn't I tell him it was too late for us? Because I still loved him! It was that easy to answer. But apart from my relationship with Jake so much else had changed. I was in university and studying to be a teacher. Would I stop that? Would I give that up too? What about Charlie? If I left town he would be miserable without me. Without any real explanation why his only child is leaving him for a man that left her years ago. I told Edward a long time ago I never wanted to be the kind of girl who would just follow her boyfriend. But isn't that what I was doing now? I closed my eyes when I heard a tap on the window. It was Jake. I walked over to the window and opened it. He quickly moved inside. "Hi." We hugged and I spoke into his chest "Hi." He held me for moments when I finally began to pull away. "We need to talk." He crossed his arms. "No Bella. You can't be that stupid." I pulled my hair back and put it into a pony tail. "Let's sit down." But he didn't move. "Bella please don't do this." I sat down and avoided his stare. "I have to." His words were still spoken softly. He sat besides me and his eyes didn't move off me. "Why? Didn't I make you happy? Didn't I love you with everything that I am?" I nodded. "Yes. Which makes me think I should have done this sooner." Tears began to form and I didn't know if I could avoid this lump in my throat and actually say the words. "So that's what it's like? You prefer to be used and left is that right?" He got up off the bed and crossed his arms again. "Jake I love you." He had his back to me and whispered. "Don't use words you don't understand Bella." He motioned to the window and I grabbed his arm. "Jake I'm sorry. You think I don't hate myself for this? For all of this? Do you think I wanted it this way?" He couldn't look in my eyes. I could tell he was about to cry. "Don't you think I tried?" He pushed my arm away and stared at me one last time. "No Bella I don't. All of your energy was placed on him and I, I didn't stand a chance with you." He jumped out the window and ran away. I felt like I was going to drown in my tears.

I heard a strange sound from outside my bedroom door but I couldn't move. I felt a pair of strong cold arms around me. "I'm so sorry." I turned around and let Edward hold me. I spent the rest of the night in his arms crying and saying things that I am sure didn't make sense to him. I didn't feel myself falling asleep but I did feel that Edward's grip was not getting loose. Maybe he meant it when he said he wouldn't disappear again.

**Charlie returns:**

My eyes began to flutter and I finally was able to make myself wake up. There he was holding onto me, staring at me with a big grin on his face. "Good morning." I smiled. "Good morning." I knew we still had a lot to work out. But waking up next to him, it made me happier than I had ever been. I moved over closer to him and gently kissed him on the cheek, then gently on the mouth. I began to get a little carried away but he didn't stop me this time. I guess being separated for three years made us both appreciate each other a little more. The other reason why he let me kiss him so passionately? Guilt. I was sure of it. But I didn't care. I still wasn't sure how he was in my arms. I moved my body to be closer to him and before I knew it I had rolled on top of him. I couldn't explain what happened next. It was magnificent. He smoothly moved his hands from my back to my waist and his grip was amazing. I felt wanted, like I was worth the world. I moved my hands to his shirt and began to unbutton them. When I had finished I had moved to my own when I felt his hands on mine. "Bella I think we need to stop." I ignored him and pushed his hand away. I had successfully unbuttoned three buttons when he swiftly rolled us over so he could be on top and out of nowhere he left the room. I sat up and called out his name. "Edward. Where did you go?" I began to button my shirt back up and heard someone walking up the stairs. "Charlie!" I said to myself. I jumped up and fixed my hair in my mirror and just in time to hear him call out. "Bells. Are you here?" I took a breath and walked to my door and unlocked it. "Hey dad!" We hugged and he gave me a card. "Sorry kid, forgot to leave this before I went. How was your birthday?" A million thoughts entered my head. "Um that's okay. My birthday was uh great. How was Seatle?" We walked downstairs and he looked in the fridge. "Well nothing has been solved yet. I might need to go back next week again." He grabbed a can of beer and closed the fridge. "I might be going to Billy's tonight. Are you coming?" I folded my arms trying to explain that I probably wouldn't be welcomed there.

"Uh no I've still got a lot of studying." He nodded and looked at me in a weird way. "Bella is everything okay?" I nodded then shook my head. "Actually no, there's something I need to tell you." He listened. Sometimes I hated the fact my dad was a cop, it made certain lies so much harder to tell. Especially when my ex is a werewolf and my other ex is a vampire. "Well uh, something's happened with me and Jake." He took a sip of his beer and waited for me to finish. "We broke up. At least we were breaking up sort of so yeah I don't think I'll go tonight." He put his beer down and gave me a hug. "I'm so sorry kid. What happened? Jake is such a good guy, did he hurt you?" I nearly laughed. It was all so horrible. "No dad, he didn't hurt me. I just admitted something to myself that I should have a long time ago. We're not in love." But Charlie looked confused. "But he loves you Bells." I nodded and tried to meet eye contact. "But I don't love him dad. Not the way he loves me and I don't think I ever will. I've tried, I really have but it's just not there. I'm not supposed to be with him." He gave me another hug and whispered. "It's okay kiddo, I understand. These things are hard." He gave me a kiss on the cheek. "You look kinda weird. Is there anything else you wanna talk about?" this was my chance. But I couldn't utter the words. I hadn't really begun to understand all the emotions of what happened in the past 24 hours. I knew the reasons why Edward left but how could I translate that to him? "Actually no." So I lied. "Well I'm gunna check in at work then head to Billy's. I'm real sorry this didn't work out kiddo!" I nodded, grabbed his jacket then left. I ran upstairs and opened my bedroom door. There was Edward on my bed, hands behind his head. Just like the first time he stayed in my room. I smiled and he smiled back. "What?" I sat next to him and he moved his hands around me. "I was just remembering the first night you stayed here." He smiled "Oh. Maybe we can recreate that night." I kissed him gently. "Will you be here tonight?" He nodded. "For as long as you want me." I nestled into his arms and watched as the sun beamed through my window. It was rare that in Forks the sun shinned. I watched as it trailed down Edwards face. The past three years felt like a dream. Like Edward didn't exist and neither did his species. I trailed my finger down his forehead and down his nose and stopped at his lips. "Do you think I'll ever be able to make this up to you?" His eyes softened and I was sure if he could have cried he could have "Yes. It'll take time. For now I'm doing everything I can to make myself believe you're real and you're here." He smiled and grabbed my hand and stared at my fingers. "I promise if you let me stay, I'll stay forever." We had so much to talk through but I just couldn't bring myself to say another word. I rested next to Edward and closed my eyes. "I love you." To everyone else in my world I am sure they'd think I was crazy to be back with Edward. Especially Charlie! I knew the pain I caused him when Edward left. But I can't rationalise the love I have for him. I wasn't going to let him off the hook, he would need to work at earning my trust. But for the main part I had chosen him. Little did I know the battle had just begun!

**Holding back:**

I had been laying with Edward for almost an hour when he whispered "Charlie." Without any warning Edward was gone and my door now burst open. "You know I thought we were a family Bella." He began pacing back and forward. "I thought that after everything you went through you would have learnt a lesson in who to trust and who to throw away." Then it occurred to me. Somehow it hadn't before. Jake told Charlie about Edward. "Dad just calm down!" the glare Charlie gave me could have burnt through me. "When were you going to tell me Bella? Or did you think it would be easier for Jacob to tell me?" A lump entered my throat and I couldn't reply. "How do you think he felt telling me that my daughter broke his heart because the Cullen's are back in town? After everything he did for you! He was there for you when Edward left. How could you throw that away?" I sat down unable to explain or defend what had happened. "Do you have any idea what you've done to him Bella? Why in the world would you even be talking to that Cullen kid." I got a little angry even though at the time I didn't really have the right to. "His name is Edward dad." He kept on pacing. "How could you Bells? He's in love with you kid. Do you really not see that?" I nodded. "I know. Alright I know. You just don't understand-" he cut me off and began to laugh. "Oh I understand alright Bella. He comes into town being all sweet and kind explaining why he left you, how it was so selfless for him. But he wasn't here Bella! He didn't see you fall apart and watch as everyone you knew tried to put the pieces back together again."

I took a deep breath and he knelt down to my eye level. "You might not remember kiddo, but you were a wreck. You abandoned all your friends you looked a mess and for seven months straight you barely slept. I can still remember the screaming." He stopped and waited for me to respond. "I remember." He shook his head and started again. "He left you Bella. He broke up with you and vanished. How can you forgive him so easily?" I tried to hold back the tears. "I can't explain it. I know that it'll take some work for us to get back to where we were and we have to talk a lot out but I want this. Dad, I want him." He stood up and put his hands on his face to try and wake himself up. "I don't want him here Bella." I knew this would start. I knew Charlie wouldn't welcome him into our house. "Okay." He shook his head. "I mean it. If I see him I'm putting him behind bars." I could have argued that I was 21 or that I knew what I was doing but I had to respect Charlie. "Okay." I stood up and we hugged. He left the room and I wondered if Edward heard all of that.

I looked out the window and whispered "Edward!" then I felt his arms around me. I turned to stare him. "I'm sorry." He smiled and gently touched my face. "It's nothing more than I deserve. I have to earn back his trust." I leaned into his chest and I could feel him playing with my hair. "I wish I had a time machine." I smiled. "Me too." He leaned in and touched his lips with mine. "Was it hard to hear?" He nodded. "It killed me to leave Bella. Each day felt like a year but I did it for you. I thought I was doing the right thing. I don't think you would hurt like that. I'm so sorry." We hugged tighter. I didn't have any magical answer. All I could do was hold him. "We'll get through it." He nodded but his eyes. They looked the way they did the night after my birthday party. "You know you can't leave again." He stared straight through my eyes. "I don't think it's possible for me to leave Bella. You're my everything." We kissed again. This time around it was harder. It had been a long time since he had been around my sent. I tried not to take the small kisses as a bad sign. "Since I'm not allowed here maybe you can wander over to my house every now and then." I smiled. "He said if he see's you he'll put you behind bars. Let's just concentrate on the whole him not seeing you part." We laughed and hugged once more.

**Two weeks later.**

For the next two weeks I didn't speak a word of Edward and I could tell that was making Charlie nervous. I think he would rather know what was happening then watch me tippy toe around him. "Alright Bella enough." He said while slamming down his fork. I had made one of his favourite dishes, spaghetti bolognese in hopes that after a while he might forgive me. I couldn't imagine it would have been easy being friends with Billy after what happened. "What?" I put the pan over the sink and sat down next to him. "I hate this. I guess it's time for you to tell me what's going on with you and uh, him." I was happy that Charlie didn't use any other name like previously since Edward was upstairs. "Well uh, you really want to hear about me and Edward?" He shook his head. "No, but it makes me nervous. Lately you've been really happy, and don't get me wrong kid but you were happy last time. I just want to make sure he's treating you good." I nodded. "I know and yes he's treating me good. His family are coming back to Forks." That took him by surprise. "All of them? Geez Bells I wish you told me earlier." I took a sip of my cola and hesitatingly replied. "Well, it was only sorted last night. I think it's a good thing dad." I began eating again and I could feel him looking at me. "What?" He began eating too then stopped and stared again. "Bells just take it slow okay? I really don't want to find out you're pregnant and he's left town again." That answer shocked me. "Dad geez." Embarrassed I couldn't face him. "Sorry but you're not a child anymore and things are different than before! I know you're more serious and I just don't want to see him ruin your life!"

With that remark I put my plate in the sink and said goodnight. "Don't be made Bells." Dad said while throwing his napkin down. "You've been working so hard and I don't want you to throw it away. You've only got one more year and you're finished college." I nodded and said goodnight again. I opened my door and Edward was pretending to read Wuthering Heights. "Hi." I crawled on the bed next to him and he smiled and put the book down. "You know I'm wondering why did you decide to stay at home instead of going to a dorm." I smiled and kissed his cheek. "Well if I did then we wouldn't exactly have privacy right now would we?" He smiled and threw the book behind him. He was laying next to me just staring. "I'm sorry that things between you and Charlie aren't back to normal yet." I nodded and played with his hair. "Well he's taking it better than I thought he would." He leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips then the chin then the cheek. It was adorable. "Besides I should be apologising. I'm sorry he said, well everything that he's said." He smiled and kissed my lips before stopping and looking at my forehead. "What?" he began making a funny face. "Seriously what? Why are you looking at me like that?" He smiled. "Just trying to read your mind. But unfortunately you're still blocking me." I smiled and played with his hair again. "I don't mean to." We kissed for a moment then he rolled off me and collected the book he threw. He seemed a little distant and I just had to ask why. "What is it? What are you thinking?" He turned through Wuthering Heights and ignored my stare. "Just thinking about things." I rolled over on my side so I could see him more clearly. "What things?" "Well I've been thinking. About what we've been doing the time we've been apart." It was odd of him to bring it up. Hadn't we been trying to work through it? "Oh. And?" He quickly looked in my eyes and back at the book. "I want to ask you something, and I have no right to ask it." I began to get nervous. I sat up and stared at him. I grabbed the book and threw it on the floor. "You can ask me anything Edward." He still couldn't meet my gaze. I knew it was bad. "It's just, with Charlie talking about things and well it got me thinking. Please don't be offended because I don't care what the answer is, it's purely curiosity." I nodded impatiently and asked "What is it Edward?" He sat up next to me and quietly asked. "Did you sleep with Jacob?"

**While you were sleeping:**

"What? Edward why would you ask me that?" He moved away and ran his fingers through his hair. "I know it's not a fair question, and I know it's not my business. But I'm curious. If the answer is yes I understand. I left you and broke your heart. By the sounds of it he's the one that made you, you again. Please don't hate me for asking." I was still a little shocked. "Edward I didn't sleep with Jacob." He looked as though he was exhaling with a sign of pleasure. "I'm sorry, I know you must think I'm rude for asking." I grabbed his hand. "I can understand your curiosity Edward. So let me ask you, were you with anyone while you were away." He smiled that crocked smile I hadn't seen for so long. "Isabella Swan the kiss we shared two weeks ago was the first kiss I have had in three years." I moved in closer and his lips touched mine softly. "I barely kissed Jacob." Edward push a part of my hair off my face. "I understand. I guess with Charlie talking about you getting pregnant, it made me think." He stared at my hands again, something he had gotten into the habit as of the last two weeks. "What? Why do you look sad?" He smiled and looked at me. "I'm not sad. I just wish that we would be able to someday have a family together." The thought of me and Edward and me together forever made me smile. "Why are you smiling?" I sat back and began talking. "Since you've been back we haven't really talked about the future. I guess it's just nice to know you think about it too." He looked at my hands again and now the curiosity was killing me.

"Edward seriously why do you keep looking at my hands like that?" He smiled and kissed my hand. "I've been thinking about the future ever since you asked me to stay. I can't help but look at your hand and imagine my mothers wedding ring on it." The breath in my body was sucked out. "What?" He smirked. "I'm not proposing. I know we have a lot to sort out. But I do want you to be my wife." I couldn't speak. I was filled with happiness that he wanted me too but then fear struck me. "Charlie." Edward looked at the door. "He's asleep." I shook my head. "Charlie and Renee. They were very much in love and well, Renee claims that being married so young ruined their relationship." Edward let go of my hand and waited for me to talk again. "Edward, you know I want to be with you, even though we have to sort out the whole me becoming a vampire thing, but still the marriage thing, well it's not something I'm fond of." Edward nodded then smirked again. "I understand." He got off the bed and walked towards the window. "We'll talk about it later than!" here I was thinking that the matter was addressed. "Where are you going?" Edward lifted the window and waived back at me. "Well since you don't want to marry me I guess I have to find another human!" I jumped up and grabbed him around the waist. "Silly vampire." He turned around and looked me seriously in the eyes. "I'll get you to say yes you know!" I smiled. "Not for a while." He pulled me closer and leaned his lips just so they just touched mine. "I can wait."

We spent the rest of the night in each others arms. Edward and I had agreed to talk about what we did during the time we were apart. I told him about college and the people there, he told me how he was training to hunt. Funnily enough the conversation about Victoria hadn't come up yet. I guess I was afraid to tell him about what happened and I was lucky he couldn't read my thoughts. I had been asleep for only a minute or two when Edward started shaking me. Trying to wake me up. "Hmm what?" I rubbed my eyes and stared at him. "You were talking in your sleep. It's been a long time since I've heard you do that." I sat up and looked at him. "What did I say?" he gently pushed my hair away and stared in my eyes. "You said Victoria." I sat up immediately. "Oh. Just a dream. I'm kinda tired." I rolled over and hesitantly he held me. I think he was too afraid to ask. He had no idea about Victoria but something told me he wasn't going to put off asking for long.

**In Wonderland:**

It didn't take long for all the Cullen's to fly back to Forks. I was at Edward's house when I saw the delivery trucks. Alice had decided to redecorate. Heaven forbid having a lounge that was four years old. I saw her talking to the drivers and organising with them what boxes go where. She was just as cute as ever. She turned to me and ran towards me. She picked me up and hugged me while talking very fast. "Bella how are you?" I nodded. "good. You?" He smiled and played with my hair. "It's so long." I nodded. "Yeah." I wasn't exactly full of words. The last time I saw her Jasper was trying to bite me. I guess I had to rebuild my relationship with all the Cullen's. "Maybe we can go shopping tomorrow or something?" I smiled. "I'd love to but I have class." She folded her arms. "That's right Edward told me. Well maybe Saturday? My treat! Please!" I smiled and said yes. "How can I refuse you Alice?" We hugged again and looked annoyed at one of the delivery men. "That box says fragile. Please be careful!" She ran down the stairs and started looking for another box. "Maybe I should come back. "No wait. Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme are almost here." I noticed one name missing from the list. "And Jasper?" He shook his head. "Come with me." Edward grabbed my hand and we ran upstairs to his room. "Bella Jasper isn't really comfortable coming back here." I hung my head. "Because of me?" Edward sat next to me on his bed. "Because of him. He feels responsible for what happened. He told Alice he'll be staying away for a while." I got off the bed and almost touching the door handle when Edward out of nowhere put his hand on mine. "Bella just give him time." I let go and faced him. "Alice must hate me." Edward laughed and pulled me closer to him. "Ridiculous. No one blames you Bella. You are the innocent one in this. Silly Bella."

He kissed the tip of my nose. Then my top lip, then he moved to my bottom lip. Without me even realising it his tongue was gently touching my neck. I could hear him breathe in my scent. I had to make sure I didn't move too quickly. I didn't want him to be alarmed. I wanted this moment forever. His hands moved to the top button of my shirt. My hands were gently touching his hips. I began to tug on his shirt and he slowly moved back. I looked down and smiled while realising Edward had undone all of my buttons. He didn't say anything and I had forgotten how to speak. I pulled his face to mine. He moved his hands to my bottom and lifted me up. My legs wrapped around him and my lips were tangled with his. I moved my hands to his back and began tugging his shirt. I finally got it scrunched in my hands. I began to pull it off when his eyes opened and he stopped kissing me. For a second I thought he was going to stop me. Then I realised he was walking us to the bed. He laid me down gently and didn't stop me while removing his shirt. We had never gotten this far. He never allowed it. I tried to calm my heart down but I couldn't remember how to do anything but touch and kiss Edward. His hands moved around my back and removed my shirt. My face was turning red. Obviously he could see that. He began kissing each cheek and then gently placed my face in his hands. "Do you want to slow down?" I almost laughed. "No. No. Keep going." I grabbed his lips and gave them a little bite. I didn't want to stop. I had spent too much time being without him. Without his arms, without his lips and without his golden eyes. I began touching his chest. My hands moved down to the top of his jeans. I began to undo his belt and his kiss was more intense. More desperate. His grip on me was tight and I finally got his belt undone.

The second the belt was undone Edward pushed his hands down to my thighs and then they rested on my hips. Within a second he pulled my jeans off. He was impatient. I was a little shocked. He had always been so still and patient. I loved seeing this side to him. The side that showed he wanted me too. Then Alice opened the door. "Edward Emmett wanted-" Edward jumped off and pulled his pants up. "Oh um oh. Sorry. Continue please I um. Nevermind." Alice shut the door then opened it again to say "Sorry." Edward shut the door and took his time turning around to face me. I picked my shirt off the floor since he was beginning to get dressed. "We don't have to stop. I mean we don't have to go any further but we don't have to stop." Edward was fully dressed and I grabbed my shirt and jeans and dressed myself. "I'm decent. You can turn around." He didn't move or say anything. I walked next to him and I gently touched his arm. "Edward." He faced me. "What's wrong?" He finally faced me. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have let it go that far." He wasn't looking in my eyes. "Are you kidding? Edward that was amazing. Being so close to you and feeling like you want me." He closed his eyes and hugged me. "I always want you. Like that and every other way possible." I moved back. "Edward please what's wrong?" He shook his head. "It was just irresponsible." Then I noticed his eyes. They were black. "Oh." He stared at me. "What?" I moved my hands over his face and over his eyes. "It doesn't matter what colour your eyes are. I'm always safe with you." He moved my hands away. "No you're not. I shouldn't even be around you when I'm hungry." I folded my arms. "Really Edward? We are back to that. You're not going to hurt me. If you were going to you would have by now." He shrugged me off. "You don't understand Bella." I grabbed my jacket off his chair. "You're right I don't. I mean God Edward. James bit me and you had to drink my blood to stop the change from happening. You did it and you stopped. Do you really think just because you're a little hungry you could hurt me." He flinched. Remembering that day was hard for both of us. "Edward I'm safe with you. You need to give yourself more credit." He grabbed my hands and kissed them. "I have to go hunting tonight. I'll be back on Friday okay?" I nodded. It was the first time he had been away since returning to Forks. Of course he was overdue. "I wish I could come with you." He rolled his eyes. "Never." He kissed my forehead. "Will you be okay?" I nodded. "Yeah sure." I folded my arms and didn't respond to his kiss. "You know I'll come back." I nodded. "Yeah. It's just hard." He wrapped his arms around me. "What about if you stay here and Alice can keep you company?" I shook my head. "No I'm just being silly. I'll see you on Friday." I kissed him and said goodbye. He knew me too well to know I was okay. But I didn't have a choice. He needed to hunt. And I needed to be patient.


	10. In Wonderland

**Three years later:**

It's been three years. I always hated being celebrated but this was different. This was because of him.

Jake and I had been on and off for years. We've now been dating for seven months nonstop and it's kind of nice. He's been putting up with me for so long, it's odd to think there was a time in my life where he wasn't there. A time when I didn't need him.

The phone rang and I nearly tripped as I run to get it. "Hello?" I began to heard laughing. Instantly I knew. "Tripped over again?" I untangled the phone and walked to the fridge. "A little. What's up Jake?" I began drinking my bottle of juice. "Seth and the others are having another party at La Push. Wanna come?" I looked at the clock. "Jake I'd love to but I'm kind of behind on my studying." He tooth a deep breath and I was ready to defend my answer. "Bells come on. You haven't hung out with me all week!" I sighed. "Look Jake you know I'd love to, but you're the reason I'm behind on my studying in the first place!" He laughed. "Okay then. Well if you change your mind you know where to find me!" I sighed. "Okay. Night Jake!" then he told me. "Love you Bells." I smiled. "Love you too!" I hung up the phone and decided to make dinner for myself. Charlie was rarely here which made it great for studying and spending time with Angela and Jessica. The only bad thing is it made me have to come up with a million excuses as to why Jake couldn't come over. I knew if he were here he would want more than I was ready to give and that would get him asking questions.

I was happy being his girlfriend. Right now it was enough for me. But he was always wanting more. I quickly cooked macaroni and cheese for dinner and headed upstairs. When I got to my room the window was opened and I noticed the cool breeze. I shut the window and looked outside. I knew he wasn't coming back and I had shut the idea of him returning out of my head. But every now and then... I finished all of my studying and decided to rest my head for a moment. While doing so I fell into a deep sleep. The phone disturbed my sleep and I woke with a shock. "Hello." I mumbled. No one answered. "Hello? Is anyone there?" again nothing. "Goodnight!" I hung up and got up to turn my computer off, organised my books and homework then decided to go to bed. Tomorrow was going to be hard, it always is but hopefully Jake will distract me.

The next day I woke with a shock. "Morning!" It was Jake. He had made me breakfast in bed. "Jake! What are you doing here?" I sat up and he leaned in for a quick kiss. "it's your birthday. Can't tell me you don't remember your 21st birthday bella!" I sat up and stared at the window. It was shut. "Um yeah sure." Jake moved the tray next to me. "I guess Charlie already got here before me." I shrugged. "Why do you say that?" He pointed over to blue present sitting on my desk. "Listen do you mind if I get up and get dressed? We can eat breakfast together downstairs." He smiled and took the tray away. "Okay. Don't take too long or you might just miss out!" I smiled and kissed his cheek. He kissed my lips in return. "I won't take too long!" He left my room and shut the door behind him. I ran over to the present. I knew it wasn't from Charlie. I couldn't tell Jake that. Charlie had been gone for two days on a police investigation in Seattle. Apparently they needed his expertise. It was good for him to get out of Forks every now and then. I opened the present slowly. It was a cd. I grabbed it and opened the case. I put the headphones into my cd player and popped in the cd. I hesitated pressing play. What if I was so desperate for this to be from Edward? But what if I was right? If he was here what would that mean? I moved my finger away and I took off the headphones.

"No." I quickly changed and while I had my hand on the door knob I turned back and stared at the headphones. "Oh screw it!" I put them on and pressed play. It was the song Edward had created for me. I thought I would cry or be angry. But I just smiled. Was this his way of saying sorry for hurting me? I heard Jake calling me from downstairs. I turned off my player and took off my headphones. "Coming Jake!" then I turned to my window. Was it him that left my window open? Was he trying to give this to me last night? I opened my window and left it open.

**Happy Birthday Bella:**

I ran downstairs and Jake had prepared a lovely breakfast. Within an hour I told him I had to study again. He shook his head. "Bells it's your birthday. Let's go cliff diving or go the movies I don't care! But you can't stay cooped in your room again! Not today!" Against my wishes I went upstairs and grabbed my handbag. When I got outside he kissed my sweetly. I jumped and moved away trying to change the subject. "Three hours Jake! Honestly that's all I can do." He grabbed me and put his arms around my waist. Suddenly the idea of him touching me scared me. What if Edward was nearby and watching this? Would he just leave again? I moved away and got in his car. "Okay let's go." It wasn't new to Jacob for me to pull away. He was probably the most patient boyfriend in the world. As we drove away I kept looking in the mirror hoping I would see something.

We spent the day at La Push. Emily and all the guys were all there. Emily cooked a wonderful lunch for us all and Jake spent the whole time with his arms wrapped around me. I couldn't help but feel the need to rush back home to see if Edward was there. I hated myself for thinking it. Why was I so desperate for him to be back? Hadn't I moved on with my life? We all finished lunch and Emily said she wanted to have a chat with just us girls. "What's on your mind Bella?" Straight to the point. "Nothing. I mean I've never been a fan of celebrating my birthday." She stopped walking and turned to me. "It's something else I know it. Come on Bella you can talk to me." But I couldn't. "It's nothing. Just there is so much school work and I guess I didn't expect it to be this tense." Emily laughed and we continued walking. "Bella you're going to be an amazing teacher. Don't give yourself such a hard time!" I nodded and we walked back to the rest of the group. I walked next to Jake and hugged him. "Thanks for today. It was great!" He held me tighter and kissed my cheek then my nose then eventually my lips. "Anything for you Bella!"

It was six o'clock and I had spent all day with Jake. We got to outside my house and he smiled at me. "How about I come in and make you some dinner?" I shook my head. "Jake today was perfect. But I really need to study." He smiled and I drew myself closer to him. I kissed him gently and hugged him tight. "Thank you for everything." He pulled my hair away from my cheek and placed another kiss there. "You're welcome. Call me if you get bored." I laughed and hopped out of the car. "Will do!" I waived him goodbye and ran upstairs. It didn't appear that anyone was there. I walked to the window and stared outside. I closed my eyes and quietly said "Edward." I turned around and I was still alone. I grabbed my keys again and headed outside. I got in my truck and headed for the meadow.

I hadn't been there in years. I had promised myself I would never go there again. There was no need. He wasn't in my life. But I had this urge to go. This hope that maybe I wasn't going crazy again. That maybe he had returned. A million thoughts entered my head and I had not one answer for anything. When I got there I walked up into the clearing. The sun had set and it looked beautiful. While walking into the clearing I closed my eyes and sat down. I tried not to let all of the memories flood back to me but it was so hard. I laid down and tried to fight the urge to wish he was here. That maybe he had loved me as much as I loved him. I stayed still. I was so comfortable and so at peace when in my heart I was nowhere near peaceful. I was still in love with someone that vanished. With someone who didn't love me and probably never could.

I rolled to my side and left my eyes shut. I could have fallen asleep if it weren't for the odd feeling I had that I wasn't alone. I opened my eyes and sat up. I couldn't see or hear anything out of the ordinary. I got up and decided to go back to my car. I took one step and as I looked straight ahead of me there he was. Edward in our meadow.

**The meadow:**

"Edward." I stared at him. He was exactly how I remembered him. "Are you real?" He nodded. "Yes." It felt like we stood in front of each other for hours, maybe days before he spoke again. "Did you get your birthday present?" I nodded. "I know I told you that when I left it would be as though I never existed. But I was nearby and had to give you the cd." I didn't know what to say. I was afraid he would leave again. "Thank you." He nodded. "You're welcome." He walked closer to me and I was afraid I would cry. "Why are you here?" He stopped walking towards me. "I am here to conduct some business for Carlisle." He sounded so cold. "Oh." I felt pathetic. He didn't come for me. "How have you been?" I tried to form words. Each sentence was harder and harder. "Good. I'm studying to be an English teacher." He smiled. "That sounds amazing Bella." The way he said my name shot fire through my veins. "I wanted to give you your present in person but you were busy." This had me confused. "What do you mean?" He looked around avoiding my eyes. "You were studying in your room." I sighed. "You could have said hello." I didn't mean for my words to sound harsh but I was hurt. "Well I have to go soon." I shrugged. "Do you? I mean maybe you could come over and we could talk? You know, catch up or something!" I was so heartbroken of the idea that he would leave so suddenly. "I don't think that's a good idea." I tried to hold back my tears. "Oh." I had so many thoughts but none were leaving my mouth. "Happy Birthday Bella." He turned to walk away and I grabbed his arm. "Please Edward. The least you could do is stay for an hour and talk to me." He looked at my arm unmoved. "One hour?" I smiled. "Yes." He nodded and I grabbed my keys. "I have a new car." He nodded. "I saw." I tried so hard not to smile. But every time I looked at him my heart jumped into my throat.. "A new truck. You'd be so proud of me." We began walking through the clearing back to my car. "Got it as an early birthday present." He barely spoke. When we got in the car he noticed the small wolf toy hanging from the mirror. But he didn't say anything about it. "It was a present from Jake." He turned away and nodded. "He's a werewolf." Still nothing. "Really? You don't have anything to say about me hanging out with a werewolf? No, 'Bella that's incredible dangerous' speeches?" He turned to me and finally replied. "You're allowed to associate and date whoever you want Bella." We got on the road and I wondered how he knew we were dating.

"Dating? Why would you think we were dating?" He turned away. "Well he's always around you." I smiled. "How would you know that?" I pulled over. "Bella I don't have long here in Forks. Why are you pulling over?" I stared at the wolf and replied. "How long have you been in Forks Edward?" He stared at me. "Three days give or take." Then I began feeling really pissed off. "You've been here for three days and you didn't bother saying hello until now." He pulled away from my glare. "I came here for business Bella. I don't have time for anything else." Rejection, hurt, humiliation were all flooding through me. "I mean that little to you? If it wasn't my birthday would you have even said hello?" He shrugged. "You've been gone for three years Edward." He hesitated to reply but finally said. "I know." I drove us back to my house and we walked inside. We were standing in the loungeroom. It was so informal. "I better go." Edward turned to the front door and I had to stop him from leaving. "I'm not happy." He stopped. "Did you hear me Edward? I'm not happy." He slightly turned around. "You looked happy." He turned around and walked towards me. He stopped just in arms length. "You weren't looking hard enough. For a year after you left every time I heard something at my window, or heard the phone ring I prayed it was you. But you never called. You never wrote, I would have no way of knowing if you were still alive." He smirked. "Technically I'm dead." I folded my arms. "Was this all just a joke to you? Is that why it's so easy for you to be back? For you to have left in the first place?" He walked closer to me and touched my cheek with his left hand. "This isn't easy for me Bella. It's torture for me to see you have moved on. To see you happy and living life. It's heartbreaking, but it's what I wanted for you." A tear left my eye without me realising until he wiped it away. "But I'm not happy Edward. I told you that. I haven't moved on. Secretly I've been waiting for you to come back to me." He then held my face with two hands and put his nose to mine. "I'm not just talking about Jacob. You're going to school and having these amazing experiences. If you and I stayed together you wouldn't have had that Bella. You would still be withering in pain from thirst." I closed my eyes and felt his cool breath on my face. I forgot how much I loved the little things about him. "I don't care about that. I never did. Just, please, you have to tell me,Doo you still love me?." I felt my heart beat so strongly I thought it would fall out of my chest. He leaned in closer to me, slowly as always and kiss the tip of my lips. The kiss was gently and slow and when he had the strength to pull away he whispered to me. "Yes I love you. I'll always love you." I put my hands to his face. It was so smooth, so cold. I leaned on my tip toes and gently placed my lips to his once again. It was like two magnets. We were unstoppable. The kiss was so intense I didn't even realise that he had taken us upstairs to my bedroom. His hands lifted my jacket off and he laid me gently on my bed. He was hovering over me and I was sure this was a dream. His tongue traced the outline of mine. His hands had a tight grip on my waist. His mouth moved down to my neck then down to my chest then out of nowhere he pulled away. I sat up and stared at him. "What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" He shook his head. His arms were crossed and he wasn't looking at me. I got up off the bed and reached out to him. I lifted his eyes to mine. They were still golden brown. "You're not hungry. It's okay you're not going to hurt me." He didn't say a word. We motioned back slowly to my bed. "You always over estimate me." I smiled and I laid on my side facing him. "We'll just take it slow." Afterward we didn't move. I wanted so badly to kiss him but it was so lovely being this close to him. I couldn't complain. I began to close my eyes and held on to Edward. I wasn't even sure if I was going to sleep or waking up.

The morning crept up on me, I hadn't even realised I was going to sleep. I heard Jakes voice coming up the stairs. Sheer panic ran though me. When I opened my eyes Edward had a finger to his lips. I turned to the door and back to ask Edward to go but he had already gone. I walked to the door and fixed my hair. "Bella open up!" I opened the door and waived. "Jake what's wrong?" He hugged me and stared at my face. "Bella you had your door wide open. That's pretty-" He stopped and looked around my room. "We have to get you out of here." He grabbed my hand and got me to the top of the stairs. "Jake what is it?" He began to look around the rooms again. "Vampires. They're around here. I'll take you to Emily's!" I broke my hand out of his grip. "I'm not going anywhere Jake I have class." He looked at me and looked at my bedroom door. "Bella a vampire has been in here! It's not safe." I began to walk back to my room and with my hand on the handle I turned and patted his shoulder. "Jake really it's okay." He followed me in my room and began looking around suspiciously. I didn't want to lie to him but I couldn't tell him Edward was back. "What aren't you telling me Bella? Have one of them come back?" I pretended to look through my books and didn't meet his suspicious gaze. "Bella answer me!" He grabbed my arm tight. "Ow Jake you're hurting me!" I really winced but he wasn't letting me go. Then right before me was Edward.

**Team Edward/Team Jacob**

"You! I can't believe you have the nerve to show up here after what you did!" Jake pushed me out of the way and confronted Edward. "Get away from her. I don't need to answer to a mutt like you." I moved in between them. "Enough. Jake I need to talk to you." He didn't move his eyes off Edward. "If you think you're just going to come in and just ruin everything then you're in the wrong. Bella is with me now." He grabbed me and placed me beside him as if I were a trophy. "For now." Jacob snickered and his hand began to burn. "Jake calm down." He let go of me and he looked like he was about to transform. "Edward you need to go." His eyes watched as his body was shaking. "I'm not leaving you here with him Bella. He's dangerous." I stepped in between them. "Enough. I'm not doing this!" I pushed Jake and he let me. He fell to the floor and he began to calm himself down. "Edward I need to talk to Jake." He nodded and stared at Jacob. "I'll be at my house. Come when you're ready." I nodded and he walked out the door.

"When were you going to tell me that filthy blood sucker was back in town?" I knelt down and faced Jake. "Jake I'm sorry!" I put my hand to his face to comfort him but he pushed me away. "How long?" I moved back and sat down in front of him. "I only found out last night. Jake I'm confused." He began laughing and he covered his eyes with his hand. "Confused? That's hilarious Bells. He left you three years ago without any word or contact and sweeps in and decides hey it wants to date the human again. He dumped you Bella! He left you in the forest! He let Victoria come after you!" his words were cold but I knew I deserved it. I had hurt him time and time again. What else was I to expect? "Jake you know I love you." His face was hidden behind his hands. "Are you choosing him?" I sat on my knees. "I don't know." He quietly stood up and looked down at me. "It's because of him. That you couldn't get close to me. That you wouldn't let yourself be happy! But I could have made you happy Bella. I still can." I stood up and stared at him. He was my gentle giant. He loved me unconditionally and all I could do is break his heart. "I have to figure that out for myself Jake. I need to know once and for all who I'm supposed to be with." He nodded and before leaving my room said one more thing. "He'll leave you again Bella. But this time I won't be there to put you back together again." He stood up and stared at me before jumping through the window. "If you do this, if you really do this to us then I don't want to see you ever again." I looked away while he left and knew he was speaking the truth. And I couldn't blame him one bit.

I went downstairs and got in my truck and headed for the Cullens old house. Edward was standing outside. "I guess we should talk." I got out of the car and into his arms where I never wanted to leave. We walked up to his old bedroom and sat on his lounge where we began to talk. "Did you come back to see me?" He nodded. "I've been checking up on you every few months." Suddenly my breath was shallow. "Well I mean I've sent Alice to check on you. I knew if I were here in person I wouldn't leave." I folded my arms and sat back. It was a lot to take in. "So Alice told you that Jake and I were dating?" He nodded. "Bella, I left so that you could have a normal life and be happy. You shouldn't have to worry about my world. You should be able to grow up, have babies and be you. If we stayed together you would either have died or become like me." As tears began to form in my eyes I tried all I could to hold back. "Would that have been so bad? For me to be like you?" He nodded. "You don't know what it's like to live like this." Then the tears fell. "_You_ don't know what it's like to live like this! You think it's easy to know you left me because I wasn't good enough for you." I got up off the lounge and began walking in circles in his room. "Bella." He held me gently and whispered. "I only said that so you wouldn't come looking for me. So you would move on. Do you think for one second I actually believed anything that I said?" I didn't know how to answer. I moved out of his grip. "I don't know Edward. All I know is that I've been a shadow of myself because I lost you. I was ready to live that life with you! To be a vampire and love you forever." I took another step back. "But you left me. You just left!" I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to keep a deep breath.

He gently moved his hands to the shape of my face. "I wanted something better for you. I wanted you to be happy." Without meaning to I punched into his chest. "I was happy Edward." I left the room and walked outside. I sat down wondering what to do next. He followed me and sat next to me. "I'm leaving Forks tomorrow. If you want me to stay I'll stay." What a stupid question. I wanted him to stay forever. "I'll be leaving tomorrow night. I did actually have something to organise for Carlisle." I turned to him and asked. "Don't you have a cell?" He smiled. "I wouldn't leave without giving you a way to contact me." I laughed. "You mean again right?" He nodded. "I missed you dearly Bella." I smiled and looked at his golden eyes. "Me too." He leaned in and gently placed a kiss on my lips. "I better go." I stood up and faced Edward. "Will you promise to come back after you've helped out Carlisle?" He nodded. "Here is my number." He pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket. "Come and see me before you go okay?" He nodded and kissed me on the cheek. "Promise Edward." He smirked and whispered in my ear "I promise." He hugged me and walked me to my car. With my hand on the door I stared at him. "Please don't disappear again." He nodded. "I promise. I'll be here until tomorrow night so come and see me." I got in the car and waived as I drove away. I was nervous the whole way home until I called his cell. "Hello." I smiled. "Just wanted you to know I got home okay." He chuckled. "Thanks. I'll see you soon?" I nodded. "Yes." We hung up and I went inside.

**Decisions, decisions:**

That afternoon I pulled out the photo album from under my bed. It was filled of pictures with me and Jake. Was I cruel to him? Was I using him to survive? Of course. But I didn't have a choice. I was told by Charlie after a year of Edward leaving that I had other options. It wasn't as though I didn't love Jake. Like I didn't want to be in love with him the way he loved me. He was my best friend. But was I able to live without Edward again? Seeing him, just for the few hours I did, how is it possible it erased any romantic feeling I had for Jake? I flipped through the photos and began to cry. The whole situation was ridiculous and heart breaking. If I said no to Jacob I would lose him forever. Billy would hate me too and never let me near La Push again. Not to mention how disappointed Charlie would be with me. I'm sure he had it in his head for a long time that we would get married and live happily ever after. And if I said no to Edward I know that I would be going against my heart. I know I would never be able to be myself again. If he left town again this time I wasn't sure if I would survive. That was all I did when he left the first time. Survive. I didn't start to make sense or look like myself until my 19th birthday. I couldn't put Charlie through that again. While I turned over page by page I knew these were all excuses Although it was true that I worried I would be hated by Billy and Jacob I knew what my heart was choosing. But how to tell Jake? How was I going to look him in the eye and say "Well thanks for saving me and loving me! Gotta go now!" I couldn't. But I couldn't continue to be his girl, if that's what I was.

I rested my head and began to cry. I hated being selfish, I hated that soon I would have to walk into Jacobs arms for the last time. As I cried I began getting so furious with myself. Why couldn't I tell Edward to leave? Why couldn't I tell him it was too late for us? Because I still loved him! It was that easy to answer. But apart from my relationship with Jake so much else had changed. I was in university and studying to be a teacher. Would I stop that? Would I give that up too? What about Charlie? If I left town he would be miserable without me. Without any real explanation why his only child is leaving him for a man that left her years ago. I told Edward a long time ago I never wanted to be the kind of girl who would just follow her boyfriend. But isn't that what I was doing now? I closed my eyes when I heard a tap on the window. It was Jake. I walked over to the window and opened it. He quickly moved inside. "Hi." We hugged and I spoke into his chest "Hi." He held me for moments when I finally began to pull away. "We need to talk." He crossed his arms. "No Bella. You can't be that stupid." I pulled my hair back and put it into a pony tail. "Let's sit down." But he didn't move. "Bella please don't do this." I sat down and avoided his stare. "I have to." His words were still spoken softly. He sat besides me and his eyes didn't move off me. "Why? Didn't I make you happy? Didn't I love you with everything that I am?" I nodded. "Yes. Which makes me think I should have done this sooner." Tears began to form and I didn't know if I could avoid this lump in my throat and actually say the words. "So that's what it's like? You prefer to be used and left is that right?" He got up off the bed and crossed his arms again. "Jake I love you." He had his back to me and whispered. "Don't use words you don't understand Bella." He motioned to the window and I grabbed his arm. "Jake I'm sorry. You think I don't hate myself for this? For all of this? Do you think I wanted it this way?" He couldn't look in my eyes. I could tell he was about to cry. "Don't you think I tried?" He pushed my arm away and stared at me one last time. "No Bella I don't. All of your energy was placed on him and I, I didn't stand a chance with you." He jumped out the window and ran away. I felt like I was going to drown in my tears.

I heard a strange sound from outside my bedroom door but I couldn't move. I felt a pair of strong cold arms around me. "I'm so sorry." I turned around and let Edward hold me. I spent the rest of the night in his arms crying and saying things that I am sure didn't make sense to him. I didn't feel myself falling asleep but I did feel that Edward's grip was not getting loose. Maybe he meant it when he said he wouldn't disappear again.

**Charlie returns:**

My eyes began to flutter and I finally was able to make myself wake up. There he was holding onto me, staring at me with a big grin on his face. "Good morning." I smiled. "Good morning." I knew we still had a lot to work out. But waking up next to him, it made me happier than I had ever been. I moved over closer to him and gently kissed him on the cheek, then gently on the mouth. I began to get a little carried away but he didn't stop me this time. I guess being separated for three years made us both appreciate each other a little more. The other reason why he let me kiss him so passionately? Guilt. I was sure of it. But I didn't care. I still wasn't sure how he was in my arms. I moved my body to be closer to him and before I knew it I had rolled on top of him. I couldn't explain what happened next. It was magnificent. He smoothly moved his hands from my back to my waist and his grip was amazing. I felt wanted, like I was worth the world. I moved my hands to his shirt and began to unbutton them. When I had finished I had moved to my own when I felt his hands on mine. "Bella I think we need to stop." I ignored him and pushed his hand away. I had successfully unbuttoned three buttons when he swiftly rolled us over so he could be on top and out of nowhere he left the room. I sat up and called out his name. "Edward. Where did you go?" I began to button my shirt back up and heard someone walking up the stairs. "Charlie!" I said to myself. I jumped up and fixed my hair in my mirror and just in time to hear him call out. "Bells. Are you here?" I took a breath and walked to my door and unlocked it. "Hey dad!" We hugged and he gave me a card. "Sorry kid, forgot to leave this before I went. How was your birthday?" A million thoughts entered my head. "Um that's okay. My birthday was uh great. How was Seatle?" We walked downstairs and he looked in the fridge. "Well nothing has been solved yet. I might need to go back next week again." He grabbed a can of beer and closed the fridge. "I might be going to Billy's tonight. Are you coming?" I folded my arms trying to explain that I probably wouldn't be welcomed there.

"Uh no I've still got a lot of studying." He nodded and looked at me in a weird way. "Bella is everything okay?" I nodded then shook my head. "Actually no, there's something I need to tell you." He listened. Sometimes I hated the fact my dad was a cop, it made certain lies so much harder to tell. Especially when my ex is a werewolf and my other ex is a vampire. "Well uh, something's happened with me and Jake." He took a sip of his beer and waited for me to finish. "We broke up. At least we were breaking up sort of so yeah I don't think I'll go tonight." He put his beer down and gave me a hug. "I'm so sorry kid. What happened? Jake is such a good guy, did he hurt you?" I nearly laughed. It was all so horrible. "No dad, he didn't hurt me. I just admitted something to myself that I should have a long time ago. We're not in love." But Charlie looked confused. "But he loves you Bells." I nodded and tried to meet eye contact. "But I don't love him dad. Not the way he loves me and I don't think I ever will. I've tried, I really have but it's just not there. I'm not supposed to be with him." He gave me another hug and whispered. "It's okay kiddo, I understand. These things are hard." He gave me a kiss on the cheek. "You look kinda weird. Is there anything else you wanna talk about?" this was my chance. But I couldn't utter the words. I hadn't really begun to understand all the emotions of what happened in the past 24 hours. I knew the reasons why Edward left but how could I translate that to him? "Actually no." So I lied. "Well I'm gunna check in at work then head to Billy's. I'm real sorry this didn't work out kiddo!" I nodded, grabbed his jacket then left. I ran upstairs and opened my bedroom door. There was Edward on my bed, hands behind his head. Just like the first time he stayed in my room. I smiled and he smiled back. "What?" I sat next to him and he moved his hands around me. "I was just remembering the first night you stayed here." He smiled "Oh. Maybe we can recreate that night." I kissed him gently. "Will you be here tonight?" He nodded. "For as long as you want me." I nestled into his arms and watched as the sun beamed through my window. It was rare that in Forks the sun shinned. I watched as it trailed down Edwards face. The past three years felt like a dream. Like Edward didn't exist and neither did his species. I trailed my finger down his forehead and down his nose and stopped at his lips. "Do you think I'll ever be able to make this up to you?" His eyes softened and I was sure if he could have cried he could have "Yes. It'll take time. For now I'm doing everything I can to make myself believe you're real and you're here." He smiled and grabbed my hand and stared at my fingers. "I promise if you let me stay, I'll stay forever." We had so much to talk through but I just couldn't bring myself to say another word. I rested next to Edward and closed my eyes. "I love you." To everyone else in my world I am sure they'd think I was crazy to be back with Edward. Especially Charlie! I knew the pain I caused him when Edward left. But I can't rationalise the love I have for him. I wasn't going to let him off the hook, he would need to work at earning my trust. But for the main part I had chosen him. Little did I know the battle had just begun!

**Holding back:**

I had been laying with Edward for almost an hour when he whispered "Charlie." Without any warning Edward was gone and my door now burst open. "You know I thought we were a family Bella." He began pacing back and forward. "I thought that after everything you went through you would have learnt a lesson in who to trust and who to throw away." Then it occurred to me. Somehow it hadn't before. Jake told Charlie about Edward. "Dad just calm down!" the glare Charlie gave me could have burnt through me. "When were you going to tell me Bella? Or did you think it would be easier for Jacob to tell me?" A lump entered my throat and I couldn't reply. "How do you think he felt telling me that my daughter broke his heart because the Cullen's are back in town? After everything he did for you! He was there for you when Edward left. How could you throw that away?" I sat down unable to explain or defend what had happened. "Do you have any idea what you've done to him Bella? Why in the world would you even be talking to that Cullen kid." I got a little angry even though at the time I didn't really have the right to. "His name is Edward dad." He kept on pacing. "How could you Bells? He's in love with you kid. Do you really not see that?" I nodded. "I know. Alright I know. You just don't understand-" he cut me off and began to laugh. "Oh I understand alright Bella. He comes into town being all sweet and kind explaining why he left you, how it was so selfless for him. But he wasn't here Bella! He didn't see you fall apart and watch as everyone you knew tried to put the pieces back together again."

I took a deep breath and he knelt down to my eye level. "You might not remember kiddo, but you were a wreck. You abandoned all your friends you looked a mess and for seven months straight you barely slept. I can still remember the screaming." He stopped and waited for me to respond. "I remember." He shook his head and started again. "He left you Bella. He broke up with you and vanished. How can you forgive him so easily?" I tried to hold back the tears. "I can't explain it. I know that it'll take some work for us to get back to where we were and we have to talk a lot out but I want this. Dad, I want him." He stood up and put his hands on his face to try and wake himself up. "I don't want him here Bella." I knew this would start. I knew Charlie wouldn't welcome him into our house. "Okay." He shook his head. "I mean it. If I see him I'm putting him behind bars." I could have argued that I was 21 or that I knew what I was doing but I had to respect Charlie. "Okay." I stood up and we hugged. He left the room and I wondered if Edward heard all of that.

I looked out the window and whispered "Edward!" then I felt his arms around me. I turned to stare him. "I'm sorry." He smiled and gently touched my face. "It's nothing more than I deserve. I have to earn back his trust." I leaned into his chest and I could feel him playing with my hair. "I wish I had a time machine." I smiled. "Me too." He leaned in and touched his lips with mine. "Was it hard to hear?" He nodded. "It killed me to leave Bella. Each day felt like a year but I did it for you. I thought I was doing the right thing. I don't think you would hurt like that. I'm so sorry." We hugged tighter. I didn't have any magical answer. All I could do was hold him. "We'll get through it." He nodded but his eyes. They looked the way they did the night after my birthday party. "You know you can't leave again." He stared straight through my eyes. "I don't think it's possible for me to leave Bella. You're my everything." We kissed again. This time around it was harder. It had been a long time since he had been around my sent. I tried not to take the small kisses as a bad sign. "Since I'm not allowed here maybe you can wander over to my house every now and then." I smiled. "He said if he see's you he'll put you behind bars. Let's just concentrate on the whole him not seeing you part." We laughed and hugged once more.

**Two weeks later.**

For the next two weeks I didn't speak a word of Edward and I could tell that was making Charlie nervous. I think he would rather know what was happening then watch me tippy toe around him. "Alright Bella enough." He said while slamming down his fork. I had made one of his favourite dishes, spaghetti bolognese in hopes that after a while he might forgive me. I couldn't imagine it would have been easy being friends with Billy after what happened. "What?" I put the pan over the sink and sat down next to him. "I hate this. I guess it's time for you to tell me what's going on with you and uh, him." I was happy that Charlie didn't use any other name like previously since Edward was upstairs. "Well uh, you really want to hear about me and Edward?" He shook his head. "No, but it makes me nervous. Lately you've been really happy, and don't get me wrong kid but you were happy last time. I just want to make sure he's treating you good." I nodded. "I know and yes he's treating me good. His family are coming back to Forks." That took him by surprise. "All of them? Geez Bells I wish you told me earlier." I took a sip of my cola and hesitatingly replied. "Well, it was only sorted last night. I think it's a good thing dad." I began eating again and I could feel him looking at me. "What?" He began eating too then stopped and stared again. "Bells just take it slow okay? I really don't want to find out you're pregnant and he's left town again." That answer shocked me. "Dad geez." Embarrassed I couldn't face him. "Sorry but you're not a child anymore and things are different than before! I know you're more serious and I just don't want to see him ruin your life!"

With that remark I put my plate in the sink and said goodnight. "Don't be made Bells." Dad said while throwing his napkin down. "You've been working so hard and I don't want you to throw it away. You've only got one more year and you're finished college." I nodded and said goodnight again. I opened my door and Edward was pretending to read Wuthering Heights. "Hi." I crawled on the bed next to him and he smiled and put the book down. "You know I'm wondering why did you decide to stay at home instead of going to a dorm." I smiled and kissed his cheek. "Well if I did then we wouldn't exactly have privacy right now would we?" He smiled and threw the book behind him. He was laying next to me just staring. "I'm sorry that things between you and Charlie aren't back to normal yet." I nodded and played with his hair. "Well he's taking it better than I thought he would." He leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips then the chin then the cheek. It was adorable. "Besides I should be apologising. I'm sorry he said, well everything that he's said." He smiled and kissed my lips before stopping and looking at my forehead. "What?" he began making a funny face. "Seriously what? Why are you looking at me like that?" He smiled. "Just trying to read your mind. But unfortunately you're still blocking me." I smiled and played with his hair again. "I don't mean to." We kissed for a moment then he rolled off me and collected the book he threw. He seemed a little distant and I just had to ask why. "What is it? What are you thinking?" He turned through Wuthering Heights and ignored my stare. "Just thinking about things." I rolled over on my side so I could see him more clearly. "What things?" "Well I've been thinking. About what we've been doing the time we've been apart." It was odd of him to bring it up. Hadn't we been trying to work through it? "Oh. And?" He quickly looked in my eyes and back at the book. "I want to ask you something, and I have no right to ask it." I began to get nervous. I sat up and stared at him. I grabbed the book and threw it on the floor. "You can ask me anything Edward." He still couldn't meet my gaze. I knew it was bad. "It's just, with Charlie talking about things and well it got me thinking. Please don't be offended because I don't care what the answer is, it's purely curiosity." I nodded impatiently and asked "What is it Edward?" He sat up next to me and quietly asked. "Did you sleep with Jacob?"

**While you were sleeping:**

"What? Edward why would you ask me that?" He moved away and ran his fingers through his hair. "I know it's not a fair question, and I know it's not my business. But I'm curious. If the answer is yes I understand. I left you and broke your heart. By the sounds of it he's the one that made you, you again. Please don't hate me for asking." I was still a little shocked. "Edward I didn't sleep with Jacob." He looked as though he was exhaling with a sign of pleasure. "I'm sorry, I know you must think I'm rude for asking." I grabbed his hand. "I can understand your curiosity Edward. So let me ask you, were you with anyone while you were away." He smiled that crocked smile I hadn't seen for so long. "Isabella Swan the kiss we shared two weeks ago was the first kiss I have had in three years." I moved in closer and his lips touched mine softly. "I barely kissed Jacob." Edward push a part of my hair off my face. "I understand. I guess with Charlie talking about you getting pregnant, it made me think." He stared at my hands again, something he had gotten into the habit as of the last two weeks. "What? Why do you look sad?" He smiled and looked at me. "I'm not sad. I just wish that we would be able to someday have a family together." The thought of me and Edward and me together forever made me smile. "Why are you smiling?" I sat back and began talking. "Since you've been back we haven't really talked about the future. I guess it's just nice to know you think about it too." He looked at my hands again and now the curiosity was killing me.

"Edward seriously why do you keep looking at my hands like that?" He smiled and kissed my hand. "I've been thinking about the future ever since you asked me to stay. I can't help but look at your hand and imagine my mothers wedding ring on it." The breath in my body was sucked out. "What?" He smirked. "I'm not proposing. I know we have a lot to sort out. But I do want you to be my wife." I couldn't speak. I was filled with happiness that he wanted me too but then fear struck me. "Charlie." Edward looked at the door. "He's asleep." I shook my head. "Charlie and Renee. They were very much in love and well, Renee claims that being married so young ruined their relationship." Edward let go of my hand and waited for me to talk again. "Edward, you know I want to be with you, even though we have to sort out the whole me becoming a vampire thing, but still the marriage thing, well it's not something I'm fond of." Edward nodded then smirked again. "I understand." He got off the bed and walked towards the window. "We'll talk about it later than!" here I was thinking that the matter was addressed. "Where are you going?" Edward lifted the window and waived back at me. "Well since you don't want to marry me I guess I have to find another human!" I jumped up and grabbed him around the waist. "Silly vampire." He turned around and looked me seriously in the eyes. "I'll get you to say yes you know!" I smiled. "Not for a while." He pulled me closer and leaned his lips just so they just touched mine. "I can wait."

We spent the rest of the night in each others arms. Edward and I had agreed to talk about what we did during the time we were apart. I told him about college and the people there, he told me how he was training to hunt. Funnily enough the conversation about Victoria hadn't come up yet. I guess I was afraid to tell him about what happened and I was lucky he couldn't read my thoughts. I had been asleep for only a minute or two when Edward started shaking me. Trying to wake me up. "Hmm what?" I rubbed my eyes and stared at him. "You were talking in your sleep. It's been a long time since I've heard you do that." I sat up and looked at him. "What did I say?" he gently pushed my hair away and stared in my eyes. "You said Victoria." I sat up immediately. "Oh. Just a dream. I'm kinda tired." I rolled over and hesitantly he held me. I think he was too afraid to ask. He had no idea about Victoria but something told me he wasn't going to put off asking for long.

**In Wonderland:**

It didn't take long for all the Cullen's to fly back to Forks. I was at Edward's house when I saw the delivery trucks. Alice had decided to redecorate. Heaven forbid having a lounge that was four years old. I saw her talking to the drivers and organising with them what boxes go where. She was just as cute as ever. She turned to me and ran towards me. She picked me up and hugged me while talking very fast. "Bella how are you?" I nodded. "good. You?" He smiled and played with my hair. "It's so long." I nodded. "Yeah." I wasn't exactly full of words. The last time I saw her Jasper was trying to bite me. I guess I had to rebuild my relationship with all the Cullen's. "Maybe we can go shopping tomorrow or something?" I smiled. "I'd love to but I have class." She folded her arms. "That's right Edward told me. Well maybe Saturday? My treat! Please!" I smiled and said yes. "How can I refuse you Alice?" We hugged again and looked annoyed at one of the delivery men. "That box says fragile. Please be careful!" She ran down the stairs and started looking for another box. "Maybe I should come back. "No wait. Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme are almost here." I noticed one name missing from the list. "And Jasper?" He shook his head. "Come with me." Edward grabbed my hand and we ran upstairs to his room. "Bella Jasper isn't really comfortable coming back here." I hung my head. "Because of me?" Edward sat next to me on his bed. "Because of him. He feels responsible for what happened. He told Alice he'll be staying away for a while." I got off the bed and almost touching the door handle when Edward out of nowhere put his hand on mine. "Bella just give him time." I let go and faced him. "Alice must hate me." Edward laughed and pulled me closer to him. "Ridiculous. No one blames you Bella. You are the innocent one in this. Silly Bella."

He kissed the tip of my nose. Then my top lip, then he moved to my bottom lip. Without me even realising it his tongue was gently touching my neck. I could hear him breathe in my scent. I had to make sure I didn't move too quickly. I didn't want him to be alarmed. I wanted this moment forever. His hands moved to the top button of my shirt. My hands were gently touching his hips. I began to tug on his shirt and he slowly moved back. I looked down and smiled while realising Edward had undone all of my buttons. He didn't say anything and I had forgotten how to speak. I pulled his face to mine. He moved his hands to my bottom and lifted me up. My legs wrapped around him and my lips were tangled with his. I moved my hands to his back and began tugging his shirt. I finally got it scrunched in my hands. I began to pull it off when his eyes opened and he stopped kissing me. For a second I thought he was going to stop me. Then I realised he was walking us to the bed. He laid me down gently and didn't stop me while removing his shirt. We had never gotten this far. He never allowed it. I tried to calm my heart down but I couldn't remember how to do anything but touch and kiss Edward. His hands moved around my back and removed my shirt. My face was turning red. Obviously he could see that. He began kissing each cheek and then gently placed my face in his hands. "Do you want to slow down?" I almost laughed. "No. No. Keep going." I grabbed his lips and gave them a little bite. I didn't want to stop. I had spent too much time being without him. Without his arms, without his lips and without his golden eyes. I began touching his chest. My hands moved down to the top of his jeans. I began to undo his belt and his kiss was more intense. More desperate. His grip on me was tight and I finally got his belt undone.

The second the belt was undone Edward pushed his hands down to my thighs and then they rested on my hips. Within a second he pulled my jeans off. He was impatient. I was a little shocked. He had always been so still and patient. I loved seeing this side to him. The side that showed he wanted me too. Then Alice opened the door. "Edward Emmett wanted-" Edward jumped off and pulled his pants up. "Oh um oh. Sorry. Continue please I um. Nevermind." Alice shut the door then opened it again to say "Sorry." Edward shut the door and took his time turning around to face me. I picked my shirt off the floor since he was beginning to get dressed. "We don't have to stop. I mean we don't have to go any further but we don't have to stop." Edward was fully dressed and I grabbed my shirt and jeans and dressed myself. "I'm decent. You can turn around." He didn't move or say anything. I walked next to him and I gently touched his arm. "Edward." He faced me. "What's wrong?" He finally faced me. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have let it go that far." He wasn't looking in my eyes. "Are you kidding? Edward that was amazing. Being so close to you and feeling like you want me." He closed his eyes and hugged me. "I always want you. Like that and every other way possible." I moved back. "Edward please what's wrong?" He shook his head. "It was just irresponsible." Then I noticed his eyes. They were black. "Oh." He stared at me. "What?" I moved my hands over his face and over his eyes. "It doesn't matter what colour your eyes are. I'm always safe with you." He moved my hands away. "No you're not. I shouldn't even be around you when I'm hungry." I folded my arms. "Really Edward? We are back to that. You're not going to hurt me. If you were going to you would have by now." He shrugged me off. "You don't understand Bella." I grabbed my jacket off his chair. "You're right I don't. I mean God Edward. James bit me and you had to drink my blood to stop the change from happening. You did it and you stopped. Do you really think just because you're a little hungry you could hurt me." He flinched. Remembering that day was hard for both of us. "Edward I'm safe with you. You need to give yourself more credit." He grabbed my hands and kissed them. "I have to go hunting tonight. I'll be back on Friday okay?" I nodded. It was the first time he had been away since returning to Forks. Of course he was overdue. "I wish I could come with you." He rolled his eyes. "Never." He kissed my forehead. "Will you be okay?" I nodded. "Yeah sure." I folded my arms and didn't respond to his kiss. "You know I'll come back." I nodded. "Yeah. It's just hard." He wrapped his arms around me. "What about if you stay here and Alice can keep you company?" I shook my head. "No I'm just being silly. I'll see you on Friday." I kissed him and said goodbye. He knew me too well to know I was okay. But I didn't have a choice. He needed to hunt. And I needed to be patient.


	11. You Can't Have It Both Ways

**You Can't Have It Both Ways:**

I hadn't seen any other Cullen besides Edward and Alice. Alice had decided that she wanted to throw a party when everything was organised and in the right order. I told her it would be great to see everyone again. Neither of us had commented on Jasper. I'm sure she knew I hoped he would be returning. She didn't sound upset so she could probably see Jasper returning soon. I started gathering everything for class and when I got to the door I heard a motorcycle. "Jacob." I dropped my books on the couch and ran to the door. It was just someone passing by. My heart sank a little and I knew I needed to see him. I needed to somehow make his pain less. It was impossible but I kept thinking over and over again about how many times he came to my rescue. A scary thought came to mind. Who would I have been if he wasn't there for me when Edward left? I grabbed my phone from my backpack and opened it. On the screen was a picture of me and Jake which Charlie took. We had decided to tag along on one of Charlies many fishing trips. I knew now my future was with Edward. But I could never deny that Jacob was a part of who I was. Then his words ran through my mind. "Didn't I love you with everything that I am?" I knew I wouldn't be welcomed. Billy would cast me away before I even got to the door. So I would have to call him first. My fingers quickly dialled the number before I lost all courage. "Hey you've called Jake. Can't get to the phone so why don't you leave me a message?"

I wanted to say sorry. I wanted to say how much I missed him. But nothing came out. I had ripped this friendship to shreds. While hanging up I dropped my phone on the floor and I could feel it, the tears on the brink. Luckily they were interrupted by a knock at the door. I opened the door and my heart stopped. "Hi." It was Jake. I instantly smiled when I had no right to. I wasn't allowed to be happy at the sight of him. I lost that privilege when I told him it was over. "Hi." I wiped my eyes quickly and just stared at him. "Well are you going to invite me in or not?" Shocked I smiled and opened the door. "Sure." He came in the lounge room and paced back and forward. "Jake I miss-" He shook his head. "No. I didn't come here for that." I sat down on the lounge and waited patiently for him to explain his visit. "I saw the blonde Cullen girl. Are they all here?" I nodded. "Except Jasper." Wishing I had shut my mouth. Why would I expect he would know or care who Jasper was. His pacing was driving me crazy. "Jacob please what is it?" He sat down across from me. "I wanted to burn their house down Bella. I hate that they're back. I hate that you're with him. I hate that I can't even think of you without wanting to leave Forks." I nodded. "I'm sorry Jacob." He stood up. "I said I'm not here for that." He got up and kneeled in front of me. "If you go through with it, if he changes you I'll have no choice Bella. It's in the treaty and I'll have to." He bent his head down unable to look at me. "What's in the treaty?" He wiped his eye and faced me again. "It's written in the treaty that if a Cullen bites another human that the deal is off." But surely this was different. I was choosing this after all.

"But I decided this. It's got nothing to do with anyone Jacob," He got up and stared at me blankly. "No Bella. This isn't just a technicality that we can ignore. If they bite another human being, not kill then the treaty is over." I got up off the seat and began to pace myself. "So, what you're saying is you'll come after us?" Nothing had been arranged. Edward and I hadn't talked about him changing me since he had returned to Forks. But I still wanted it. I wanted him forever and nothing was going to change that. What I hadn't counted on was Jacob telling me I wouldn't be a vampire for very long. "Please Bella don't do this." He held my hands in his and was almost kissing them. "Answer me Jacob." He closed his eyes for a moment obviously trying to think of a way out of answering. But there was none. "Bella if he changes you I won't have a choice." We both took a breath and he spoke again. "I'll have to hunt them down and kill them. I'll have to kill you." I tried to take my hands out of his but his grip was too tight. "It's in my blood Bella. I have to follow the pack." I began to take short breaths. "Then we'll leave Forks." He shook his head. "These are your options? Leave Forks and all of your family or die?" His body began to get hot. I could feel it through his hands. "He is nothing Bella but death and misery. Why would you want this?" I knew I would have to sacrifice the right to see Charlie or Renee but I thought I had it figured out. In a few years when I had my thirst would be under control and when my eyes had turned golden leaving the red scary eyes behind I always thought I would be able to see my family. But now I was left with nothing. I closed my eyes and tears fell down my cheek. His hands moved to them.

"I'm not supposed to be telling you this Bella. He should have told you. He's so selfish." He leaned in and kissed my forehead. "He doesn't want me to change Jacob. I do." He let go of my cheeks and took a step backwards. "Why?" I could barely look at him. "Because I love him." He let go of me. He walked towards a picture on the wall. It was taken at the reservation on my 20th birthday. He took it off the hook and sighed. He had his back to me and still I knew what he was thinking. "I'm sor-" Before I could finish he dropped the picture and the glass shattered. "Don't call me and don't come near the reservation." He walked to the front door and paused while his hand was on the handle. "When he changes you, you have 24 hours to leave Forks." He opened the door and spoke once more. "Then we're coming." He closed the door behind him. I sat down and let my hand fall in my hands. My decision. My wanting Edward had come to this. I grabbed my phone and dialled Alice's number. I needed to know that there was another way out of this. Who better to ask?

Probably won't post a chapter for at least another week. Hope you've enjoyed this! :D

Thanks for DazzledEyes22 for reviewing. Very much appreciated!


	12. Japer Returns

**Jasper returns:**

My hands were shaking as I was trying so hard to keep it together. It didn't take long for Alice to answer. "Bella hello." I didn't have much voice to answer with. "Bella, is everything okay?" I took a breath and finally answered. "Alice. I need to see you, can I come over?" A moment passed while she put the phone down. "Of course! Are you coming now?" I nodded then spoke again. "Yes, I'll be there in five minutes." I hung up and grabbed my bag and keys. When I got in the truck I wanted to break down. I knew how much i had hurt Jake. I had broken his heart, but to hear what would happen if I was turned and tried to stay in Forks, that was too much. I arrived at the Cullens and Alice was outside staring at me. I raced out of the car and ran to her. I hugged her faught so hard to keep the tears away. "What happened Bella?" I wiped my face and tried to speak. "Jacob." Her face became serious. "Is he okay? Bella why are you so upset?" I stood back and began talking again when I noticed Alice wasn't inviting me inside. "Can I come inside and I'll tell you everything." She bit her lip and looked inside. "Alice what is it?" I was a little frustrated. I knew she was a perfectionist and the house wasn't finished yet but I wouldn't care. "Well, it's just." She hesitated. "Jasper is back." I sighed. "That's great." She bit her lip again. "It's been a while since he's been around humans." I looked around. "Do you think that maybe I could say hi to him? I know he feels guilty about what happened and I just want him to know that it's okay. He doesn't have to feel guilty." I was beginning to babble. "It was my fault that I couldn't even open an envelope without getting a cut." She smiled. "Maybe not today Bella. He's about to go hunting. What about if you and I go somewhere and talk?" I nodded. "Sure. Sounds good." She grabbed her keys and walked with me arm and arm to her car.

When we got to the nearest coffee house I ordered a drink and we sat down. She looked a little concerned. "So, how long have you and Jasper been apart?." She smiled. "Well it's only been a few weeks. After we left Forks we went travelling and Jasper wanted to keep a distance from humans. It's only been the last year that we have been surrounded by humans and I just wish it was easier for him." I nodded taking a sip of my cappuccino. "I'm sorry Alice." She smiled and touched my hand. "Bella you have nothing to be sorry for." She pulled her arm back and began to look blank. She was having one of her visions. I grabbed her hand and just waited for her to speak. She closed her eyes for a second then stared at me. "Alice. Are you okay? What did you see?" She shook her head and spoke. "It's nothing Bella. So what happened with Jacob?" Once upon a time she might have gotten away with that but not now. "Alice please, what was it?" She shook her head and insisted I not worry. "Alice I know what Edward would tell you not to say anything, but I promise I can handle it." She stared at her hands and her ring finger. "It was about Jasper." I shut up then. "I just had a vision that he was going to kill someone." I didn't know what to say. "Well it doesn't always happen right? I mean it can't be right. He doesn't hunt humans." Alice nodded. "No he doesn't. Look you don't need to worry, I will handle this." I finished my cappuccino and told her I needed to go home and study.

It wasn't exactly the right time to talk about Jacob. "Bella I'm sorry. I know you needed to talk to someone today." I shook my head and grabbed her hand. "Alice please, you should go home and talk to Jasper. Don't worry about me!" She nodded. She drove me back home and once I got out of the car she smiled at me. "What?" She smirked again. "Nothing. We'll catch up soon okay Bella?" I nodded and walked inside. I went upstairs and decided to study, to try and make it up to my schooling since I missed my classes today and I realised my bedroom door was shut. I didn't remember shutting it. I opened in slowly and sure enough it was nothing. I walked inside and grabbed one of my books when the door slammed behind me. I jumped and my heart began to race. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!" It was Edward. So this was why Alice was smirking. "Oh Edward!" I ran into his chest and everything I had been holding onto was let go. "Bella, love what happened?" He held onto me. Tighter than he had ever done before. "Jacob." I couldn't really say anything else. His arms were wrapped around my back and it felt perfect. He began to pull away a little. He moved my hair out of my face and with his two thumbs erased all of my tears.

"Bella tell me. What happened?" I finally moved my face up so I could see his. "Jacob came by and told me what will happen if you turn me in Forks." I didn't know how to say the rest. "I'm sorry Bella. I should have told you all about the treaty. It's just we hadn't spoken about you changing since I came back." He kissed my forehead then each cheek. "Bella he probably made things sound far worse simply because he hates us. He hates me. I'm sorry for whatever he said." We hugged again and I buried my head in his chest. "Is it true? That if I were changed in Forks he would have the right to kill us? All of us?" He hesitated for a moment before finally nodding. "Yes. But if it ever came to you changing then we wouldn't do it here." I tried to swallow more tears. "But then we could never return." He nodded. "Look Bella we haven't even really talked about that. So let's leave that for another day. I've really missed you. So much so I had to come back early." I smiled but then realised something. "Does that mean you'll have to go again soon?" He shook his head. "No, believe me I am completely full." He smiled and his golden eyes looked amazing. I stood on my tippy toes and leaned in for a small kiss. His hands leaned down from my cheeks to my waist. He picked me up and my legs twisted themselves around his waist. "Miss Swan I am so glad to be back." I smiled. Unable to really comment. He leaned me down onto my bed and we continued kissing for a few moments and until I remembered Alice's vision. "Jasper." Edward stopped kissing me and gave me an odd look. "It might be nice if you didn't yell out my brother's name while we kiss!" He smiled and laughed. "No, Alice. She had a vision about Jasper."

Edward stared at me and waited to hear what Alice told me. "Edward, she had a vision that Jasper was going to kill someone. I know that her visions can change, but what if he does kill someone?" Edward stared into space thinking. "That would break the treaty wouldn't it?" He nodded. "Why did Alice tell you this?" I knew he would be mad at her. "I was there when she had the vision." He sat up looking annoyed. "That doesn't matter Bella, she shouldn't have told you this." I sat up next to him. "Edward, I know I'm not as strong as you, but I'm not weak. I can handle anything, believe me." Without saying it we both knew what I was referring to. "Besides, I made her tell me. She looked really worried." He touched my cheek and gave me a soft kiss. "You're going to go check on her aren't you?" He nodded. "Please don't tell Jasper, that I know." He kissed me again this time on my nose. Then gently on my lips. "I better go, or I never will." He slowly moved off the bed and I walked around the bed and stood next to him. "Come back when you can." He smiled and placed his hands in mine. "Very soon." I held on tight. "Do you think it will take long before Jasper and I can be in the same room together?" He shrugged. "He's starting to act normal again finally. Since I returned to you his guilt has lessened." I smirked. "Well he's back in Forks now, so hopefully it won't take long." Edwards face went serious. "I didn't know he was already back. Alice was supposed to tell me." He slowly let go of my hands. "I'll come back tonight." He kissed me again and then, he was gone.


	13. Hunting

**Hunting: **

Later that night I had just finished cooking dinner for myself and Charlie. As usual he requested steak. I just began to eat my salad when I heard a frantic knock at the door. I jumped up ignoring Charlie's quiet complaint about how Edward didn't respect dinner time. When I got to the door Edward was standing there with his arms folded. "Edward what's wrong?" He shook his head and came inside and looked around the room. "Bella I need to talk to you in private." I nodded and walked upstairs while Charlie watched irritated. It wasn't easy to have Edward in the house. Usually Charlie would say no, but he didn't have the opportunity to now. We walked into my bedroom and I shut the door. "Edward you're freaking me out, what's wrong?" He looked outside my window then shut it. "Alice told Jasper about her vision. She was trying to comfort him but instead it made him feel as though she was judging him." I looked at my window and back to him. "So what happened?" I could tell he was trying to avoid the question but it was impossible. "Jasper took off." Then I realised he was worried about me. "You don't know where he is?" Edward shook his head and I sat on my bed. "Jasper isn't vicious. What happened on my birthday, it wasn't his fault! He's not going to hunt Edward."

Not convinced Edward sat next to me and stared at me. "I know he would never purposely hurt you Bella. But I had to make sure you were okay. If by some chance he has reverted to drinking human blood then you might have crossed his mind." I crossed my arms not wanting to believe it. "Bella, you know what I am, but you don't understand the control it can have on you. If he isn't thinking clearly it could be possible he would-" He stopped looking away from me. "Edward no, I know I don't know him as well as you do, but he would never do anything to hurt you." He grabbed my hands. "I'll be staying here while everyone else is looking for him. I need to know that you're safe Bella." He leaned in and kiss my cheek. "Edward, if Alice is right, if he bites another human-" I didn't have to finish the sentence. The Cullen's had already thought of the consequences. "I know. Alice, Rosalie and Emmet are out there looking for him. Esme is at home hoping that he calls and Carlisle, well he's trying other methods to see if he can find Jasper."

He was holding my hand tight. "We've already packed our belongings in case-" I felt my heart rate rise. "In case?" I bit my lip. "In case we have to leave Forks." I stood up trying not to shake. How could he talk about leaving Forks? After everything we went through, after me choosing him over Jacob. I could feel my blood begin to boil. "Bella it's just a precaution. We want to be ready for the worst!" I began walking around in circles. "And what about me Edward? Am I invited this time?" Edward looked a little shocked but quickly got over it. He stood up and walked towards me. "Bella it wouldn't be for long, just until we could figure something out with the-" The shaking didn't stop. "So no!" Edward looked uneasy, as though he didn't have anything comforting to say. "You promised you wouldn't leave me again." I tried to be calm, but it was so difficult. "Are you just going back on that?" He tried to wrap his arms around me and I pushed them away. "Edward answer me. Tell me that I'm wrong. That if you're leaving forks you have a seat ready for me." He stood very still. "Bella we were only going to go for a few weeks until we can sort out some kind of agreement."

It began to feel more and more like my 18th birthday party. I took a breath and said what I needed to say. "You're leaving me again." Silence. Edwas then tried to defuse the situation. "Bella it's only for a few weeks." I nodded. "And if it takes longer. What about a few months?" He took my hand but I didn't really feel anything. "I promise it won't come to that." I moved my hand out of his and answered "You also promised you wouldn't leave." Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. "Bella this is just-" "A precaution. I get it. Well if you're going to leave you should go now." The shocked look on his face showed me he got the message. "Bella?" He put his hand under my chin but I didn't move. "You need to leave. So go now." Edward tried to put his arms around me but I took a step back. "Edward I can't go through this again. I can't handle this right now, you need to leave." Without another attempt to hold me he quietly left the room. I tried to hold myself together. I somehow understood his logic. He didn't want to change my life, but stupidly he didn't realise he already had years ago. From the moment I first saw him in the school cafeteria I was changed.

I gave myself a few moments then returned down stairs. I would not reform to what I was without Edward. Besides he hadn't left town, yet. I headed towards the dinner table and Charlie had already finished his steak. He stayed seating though drinking his vitamin R. "He wasn't here long." I grabbed his plate and placed it in the sink. "Did you have a fight or something?" I didn't respond. I dished my salad out and sat down. "Bella I really don't want him in this house." I took a sip of water and finally responded. "I don't want to talk about Edward." He finished his can and left the table. "Just gunna watch some tv." He leaned down and kissed the top of my head. "Okay Dad." He left and I wondered how I reverted to my life as the 18 year old I once was.

Thank you to all who have reviewed - Especially Dazzledeyes22 I really appreciate it. I love hearing what you like about the story and what you hope to have happened. Sorry I haven't replied back to you, I will asap - I've been working on the next 3 chapters - I think you're going to get a kick out of it.

Everyone else, please review, as it helps me to know if you like the direction the story is going in. :)

Thanks again!


	14. What Are Sisters For?

**What are sisters for?:**

I was scraping the leftovers into the bed when I saw headlights outside my house. Two seconds later a knock at the door. Charlie answered it and sounded very happy. "Alice! Hey kiddo how are you?" They hugged quickly and Alice looked in my direction. "I'm okay Charlie how are you?" Charlie smiled and quickly stared at me. "Pretty good thanks Alice." I walked closer to the loungeroom. "Bella can we talk?" I nodded. "Well I'll let you girls catch up." Charlie resumed watching tv. "Upstairs okay?" Alice nodded and followed me. Once we were in my room we sat on the bed and I wasn't sure how to start off. "Have you found Jasper?" Alice shook her head. "No. Bella I'm sorry I told you about the vision. I was so scared for him and shocked, I didn't think about how it would scare you." I smiled and patted her shoulder. "Alice it's okay. I just hope you find him soon. I wish I could help." Alice smiled. "Thanks Bella." I didn't want to talk about Edward but I had a sneaking suspicion that she did. "Bella Edward is worried about you." I got off the bed and looked out my window. "You know Alice after everything I would have thought that he understood what he meant to me." I faced her unable to stop talking. "He promised me that he wouldn't leave again and here he is packing up his belongings I mean what does that mean Alice? He never even considered me in this!"

I could see how she was trying to find the words. "Bella, Edward has always felt guilty about being with you. About the danger he puts you in and the fact you are willing to change to be with him forever. He feels like you've given everything. Not forgetting that he broke your heart. There is so much guilt Bella that he can't possible take anything more from you." I ran next to her. "But I want him to Alice. I want him to tell me we might need to leave town, so get prepared. Not "I'm leaving town just letting you know!"" I felt so selfish talking to Alice about this, considering that Jasper is still missing. "He was gone for three years Alice. Do you know where I was during this time?" She shook her head. "Gone. I wasn't me. I didn't even look like me and that was when I was trying so hard to be okay. For me, for everyone else. I am aware of what I've given up but he has to be aware of what I am getting."

Alice put her hands to my face gently. "He's just trying not to interrupt your life. He doesn't understand he is your life." I smiled. "I'm sorry for bothering you with all of this, especially with Jasper gone." Her smile lessoned. "What are sisters for?" We hugged and I didn't feel like crying anymore. "I have to go. But I'll see you soon okay?" I nodded. "Wait, don't you want to talk about-" she cut me off. "No, Edward is all inside my head, I'm sure he's heard it all. I don't really feel like talking." I understood that. So many times I wish people were inside my head it would have helped a lot. I walked Alice to her car and hoped that Edward would understand why I was so mad. "We'll talk soon okay?" Alice asked while reversing. I nodded and waived.


	15. Broken

**Three years later:**

It's been three years. I always hated being celebrated but this was different. This was because of him.

Jake and I had been on and off for years. We've now been dating for seven months nonstop and it's kind of nice. He's been putting up with me for so long, it's odd to think there was a time in my life where he wasn't there. A time when I didn't need him.

The phone rang and I nearly tripped as I run to get it. "Hello?" I began to hear laughing. Instantly I knew. "Tripped over again?" I untangled the phone and walked to the fridge. "A little. What's up Jake?" I began drinking my bottle of juice. "Seth and the others are having another party at La Push. Wanna come?" I looked at the clock. "Jake I'd love to but I'm kind of behind on my studying." He tooth a deep breath and I was ready to defend my answer. "Bells come on. You haven't hung out with me all week!" I sighed. "Look Jake you know I'd love to, but you're the reason I'm behind on my studying in the first place!" He laughed. "Okay then. Well if you change your mind you know where to find me!" I sighed. "Okay. Night Jake!" then he told me. "Love you Bells." I smiled. "Love you too!" I hung up the phone and decided to make dinner for myself. Charlie was rarely here which made it great for studying and spending time with Angela and Jessica. The only bad thing is it made me have to come up with a million excuses as to why Jake couldn't come over. I knew if he were here he would want more than I was ready to give and that would get him asking questions.

I was happy being his girlfriend. Right now it was enough for me. But he was always wanting more. I quickly cooked macaroni and cheese for dinner and headed upstairs. When I got to my room the window was opened and I noticed the cool breeze. I shut the window and looked outside. I knew he wasn't coming back and I had shut the idea of him returning out of my head. But every now and then... I finished all of my studying and decided to rest my head for a moment. While doing so I fell into a deep sleep. The phone disturbed my sleep and I woke with a shock. "Hello." I mumbled. No one answered. "Hello? Is anyone there?" again nothing. "Goodnight!" I hung up and got up to turn my computer off, organised my books and homework then decided to go to bed. Tomorrow was going to be hard, it always is but hopefully Jake will distract me.

The next day I woke with a shock. "Morning!" It was Jake. He had made me breakfast in bed. "Jake! What are you doing here?" I sat up and he leaned in for a quick kiss. "it's your birthday. Can't tell me you don't remember your 21st birthday bella!" I sat up and stared at the window. It was shut. "Um yeah sure." Jake moved the tray next to me. "I guess Charlie already got here before me." I shrugged. "Why do you say that?" He pointed over to blue present sitting on my desk. "Listen do you mind if I get up and get dressed? We can eat breakfast together downstairs." He smiled and took the tray away. "Okay. Don't take too long or you might just miss out!" I smiled and kissed his cheek. He kissed my lips in return. "I won't take too long!" He left my room and shut the door behind him. I ran over to the present. I knew it wasn't from Charlie. I couldn't tell Jake that. Charlie had been gone for two days on a police investigation in Seattle. Apparently they needed his expertise. It was good for him to get out of Forks every now and then. I opened the present slowly. It was a cd. I grabbed it and opened the case. I put the headphones into my cd player and popped in the cd. I hesitated pressing play. What if I was so desperate for this to be from Edward? But what if I was right? If he was here what would that mean? I moved my finger away and I took off the headphones.

"No." I quickly changed and while I had my hand on the door knob I turned back and stared at the headphones. "Oh screw it!" I put them on and pressed play. It was the song Edward had created for me. I thought I would cry or be angry. But I just smiled. Was this his way of saying sorry for hurting me? I heard Jake calling me from downstairs. I turned off my player and took off my headphones. "Coming Jake!" then I turned to my window. Was it him that left my window open? Was he trying to give this to me last night? I opened my window and left it open.

**Happy Birthday Bella:**

I ran downstairs and Jake had prepared a lovely breakfast. Within an hour I told him I had to study again. He shook his head. "Bells it's your birthday. Let's go cliff diving or go the movies I don't care! But you can't stay cooped in your room again! Not today!" Against my wishes I went upstairs and grabbed my handbag. When I got outside he kissed my sweetly. I jumped and moved away trying to change the subject. "Three hours Jake! Honestly that's all I can do." He grabbed me and put his arms around my waist. Suddenly the idea of him touching me scared me. What if Edward was nearby and watching this? Would he just leave again? I moved away and got in his car. "Okay let's go." It wasn't new to Jacob for me to pull away. He was probably the most patient boyfriend in the world. As we drove away I kept looking in the mirror hoping I would see something.

We spent the day at La Push. Emily and all the guys were all there. Emily cooked a wonderful lunch for us all and Jake spent the whole time with his arms wrapped around me. I couldn't help but feel the need to rush back home to see if Edward was there. I hated myself for thinking it. Why was I so desperate for him to be back? Hadn't I moved on with my life? We all finished lunch and Emily said she wanted to have a chat with just us girls. "What's on your mind Bella?" Straight to the point. "Nothing. I mean I've never been a fan of celebrating my birthday." She stopped walking and turned to me. "It's something else I know it. Come on Bella you can talk to me." But I couldn't. "It's nothing. Just there is so much school work and I guess I didn't expect it to be this tense." Emily laughed and we continued walking. "Bella you're going to be an amazing teacher. Don't give yourself such a hard time!" I nodded and we walked back to the rest of the group. I walked next to Jake and hugged him. "Thanks for today. It was great!" He held me tighter and kissed my cheek then my nose then eventually my lips. "Anything for you Bella!"

It was six o'clock and I had spent all day with Jake. We got to outside my house and he smiled at me. "How about I come in and make you some dinner?" I shook my head. "Jake today was perfect. But I really need to study." He smiled and I drew myself closer to him. I kissed him gently and hugged him tight. "Thank you for everything." He pulled my hair away from my cheek and placed another kiss there. "You're welcome. Call me if you get bored." I laughed and hopped out of the car. "Will do!" I waived him goodbye and ran upstairs. It didn't appear that anyone was there. I walked to the window and stared outside. I closed my eyes and quietly said "Edward." I turned around and I was still alone. I grabbed my keys again and headed outside. I got in my truck and headed for the meadow.

I hadn't been there in years. I had promised myself I would never go there again. There was no need. He wasn't in my life. But I had this urge to go. This hope that maybe I wasn't going crazy again. That maybe he had returned. A million thoughts entered my head and I had not one answer for anything. When I got there I walked up into the clearing. The sun had set and it looked beautiful. While walking into the clearing I closed my eyes and sat down. I tried not to let all of the memories flood back to me but it was so hard. I laid down and tried to fight the urge to wish he was here. That maybe he had loved me as much as I loved him. I stayed still. I was so comfortable and so at peace when in my heart I was nowhere near peaceful. I was still in love with someone that vanished. With someone who didn't love me and probably never could.

I rolled to my side and left my eyes shut. I could have fallen asleep if it weren't for the odd feeling I had that I wasn't alone. I opened my eyes and sat up. I couldn't see or hear anything out of the ordinary. I got up and decided to go back to my car. I took one step and as I looked straight ahead of me there he was. Edward in our meadow.

**The meadow:**

"Edward." I stared at him. He was exactly how I remembered him. "Are you real?" He nodded. "Yes." It felt like we stood in front of each other for hours, maybe days before he spoke again. "Did you get your birthday present?" I nodded. "I know I told you that when I left it would be as though I never existed. But I was nearby and had to give you the cd." I didn't know what to say. I was afraid he would leave again. "Thank you." He nodded. "You're welcome." He walked closer to me and I was afraid I would cry. "Why are you here?" He stopped walking towards me. "I am here to conduct some business for Carlisle." He sounded so cold. "Oh." I felt pathetic. He didn't come for me. "How have you been?" I tried to form words. Each sentence was harder and harder. "Good. I'm studying to be an English teacher." He smiled. "That sounds amazing Bella." The way he said my name shot fire through my veins. "I wanted to give you your present in person but you were busy." This had me confused. "What do you mean?" He looked around avoiding my eyes. "You were studying in your room." I sighed. "You could have said hello." I didn't mean for my words to sound harsh but I was hurt. "Well I have to go soon." I shrugged. "Do you? I mean maybe you could come over and we could talk? You know, catch up or something!" I was so heartbroken of the idea that he would leave so suddenly. "I don't think that's a good idea." I tried to hold back my tears. "Oh." I had so many thoughts but none were leaving my mouth. "Happy Birthday Bella." He turned to walk away and I grabbed his arm. "Please Edward. The least you could do is stay for an hour and talk to me." He looked at my arm unmoved. "One hour?" I smiled. "Yes." He nodded and I grabbed my keys. "I have a new car." He nodded. "I saw." I tried so hard not to smile. But every time I looked at him my heart jumped into my throat.. "A new truck. You'd be so proud of me." We began walking through the clearing back to my car. "Got it as an early birthday present." He barely spoke. When we got in the car he noticed the small wolf toy hanging from the mirror. But he didn't say anything about it. "It was a present from Jake." He turned away and nodded. "He's a werewolf." Still nothing. "Really? You don't have anything to say about me hanging out with a werewolf? No, 'Bella that's incredible dangerous' speeches?" He turned to me and finally replied. "You're allowed to associate and date whoever you want Bella." We got on the road and I wondered how he knew we were dating.

"Dating? Why would you think we were dating?" He turned away. "Well he's always around you." I smiled. "How would you know that?" I pulled over. "Bella I don't have long here in Forks. Why are you pulling over?" I stared at the wolf and replied. "How long have you been in Forks Edward?" He stared at me. "Three days give or take." Then I began feeling really pissed off. "You've been here for three days and you didn't bother saying hello until now." He pulled away from my glare. "I came here for business Bella. I don't have time for anything else." Rejection, hurt, humiliation were all flooding through me. "I mean that little to you? If it wasn't my birthday would you have even said hello?" He shrugged. "You've been gone for three years Edward." He hesitated to reply but finally said. "I know." I drove us back to my house and we walked inside. We were standing in the loungeroom. It was so informal. "I better go." Edward turned to the front door and I had to stop him from leaving. "I'm not happy." He stopped. "Did you hear me Edward? I'm not happy." He slightly turned around. "You looked happy." He turned around and walked towards me. He stopped just in arms length. "You weren't looking hard enough. For a year after you left every time I heard something at my window, or heard the phone ring I prayed it was you. But you never called. You never wrote, I would have no way of knowing if you were still alive." He smirked. "Technically I'm dead." I folded my arms. "Was this all just a joke to you? Is that why it's so easy for you to be back? For you to have left in the first place?" He walked closer to me and touched my cheek with his left hand. "This isn't easy for me Bella. It's torture for me to see you have moved on. To see you happy and living life. It's heartbreaking, but it's what I wanted for you." A tear left my eye without me realising until he wiped it away. "But I'm not happy Edward. I told you that. I haven't moved on. Secretly I've been waiting for you to come back to me." He then held my face with two hands and put his nose to mine. "I'm not just talking about Jacob. You're going to school and having these amazing experiences. If you and I stayed together you wouldn't have had that Bella. You would still be withering in pain from thirst." I closed my eyes and felt his cool breath on my face. I forgot how much I loved the little things about him. "I don't care about that. I never did. Just, please, you have to tell me,Doo you still love me?." I felt my heart beat so strongly I thought it would fall out of my chest. He leaned in closer to me, slowly as always and kiss the tip of my lips. The kiss was gently and slow and when he had the strength to pull away he whispered to me. "Yes I love you. I'll always love you." I put my hands to his face. It was so smooth, so cold. I leaned on my tip toes and gently placed my lips to his once again. It was like two magnets. We were unstoppable. The kiss was so intense I didn't even realise that he had taken us upstairs to my bedroom. His hands lifted my jacket off and he laid me gently on my bed. He was hovering over me and I was sure this was a dream. His tongue traced the outline of mine. His hands had a tight grip on my waist. His mouth moved down to my neck then down to my chest then out of nowhere he pulled away. I sat up and stared at him. "What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" He shook his head. His arms were crossed and he wasn't looking at me. I got up off the bed and reached out to him. I lifted his eyes to mine. They were still golden brown. "You're not hungry. It's okay you're not going to hurt me." He didn't say a word. We motioned back slowly to my bed. "You always over estimate me." I smiled and I laid on my side facing him. "We'll just take it slow." Afterward we didn't move. I wanted so badly to kiss him but it was so lovely being this close to him. I couldn't complain. I began to close my eyes and held on to Edward. I wasn't even sure if I was going to sleep or waking up.

The morning crept up on me, I hadn't even realised I was going to sleep. I heard Jakes voice coming up the stairs. Sheer panic ran though me. When I opened my eyes Edward had a finger to his lips. I turned to the door and back to ask Edward to go but he had already gone. I walked to the door and fixed my hair. "Bella open up!" I opened the door and waived. "Jake what's wrong?" He hugged me and stared at my face. "Bella you had your door wide open. That's pretty-" He stopped and looked around my room. "We have to get you out of here." He grabbed my hand and got me to the top of the stairs. "Jake what is it?" He began to look around the rooms again. "Vampires. They're around here. I'll take you to Emily's!" I broke my hand out of his grip. "I'm not going anywhere Jake I have class." He looked at me and looked at my bedroom door. "Bella a vampire has been in here! It's not safe." I began to walk back to my room and with my hand on the handle I turned and patted his shoulder. "Jake really it's okay." He followed me in my room and began looking around suspiciously. I didn't want to lie to him but I couldn't tell him Edward was back. "What aren't you telling me Bella? Have one of them come back?" I pretended to look through my books and didn't meet his suspicious gaze. "Bella answer me!" He grabbed my arm tight. "Ow Jake you're hurting me!" I really winced but he wasn't letting me go. Then right before me was Edward.

**Team Edward/Team Jacob**

"You! I can't believe you have the nerve to show up here after what you did!" Jake pushed me out of the way and confronted Edward. "Get away from her. I don't need to answer to a mutt like you." I moved in between them. "Enough. Jake I need to talk to you." He didn't move his eyes off Edward. "If you think you're just going to come in and just ruin everything then you're in the wrong. Bella is with me now." He grabbed me and placed me beside him as if I were a trophy. "For now." Jacob snickered and his hand began to burn. "Jake calm down." He let go of me and he looked like he was about to transform. "Edward you need to go." His eyes watched as his body was shaking. "I'm not leaving you here with him Bella. He's dangerous." I stepped in between them. "Enough. I'm not doing this!" I pushed Jake and he let me. He fell to the floor and he began to calm himself down. "Edward I need to talk to Jake." He nodded and stared at Jacob. "I'll be at my house. Come when you're ready." I nodded and he walked out the door.

"When were you going to tell me that filthy blood sucker was back in town?" I knelt down and faced Jake. "Jake I'm sorry!" I put my hand to his face to comfort him but he pushed me away. "How long?" I moved back and sat down in front of him. "I only found out last night. Jake I'm confused." He began laughing and he covered his eyes with his hand. "Confused? That's hilarious Bells. He left you three years ago without any word or contact and sweeps in and decides hey it wants to date the human again. He dumped you Bella! He left you in the forest! He let Victoria come after you!" his words were cold but I knew I deserved it. I had hurt him time and time again. What else was I to expect? "Jake you know I love you." His face was hidden behind his hands. "Are you choosing him?" I sat on my knees. "I don't know." He quietly stood up and looked down at me. "It's because of him. That you couldn't get close to me. That you wouldn't let yourself be happy! But I could have made you happy Bella. I still can." I stood up and stared at him. He was my gentle giant. He loved me unconditionally and all I could do is break his heart. "I have to figure that out for myself Jake. I need to know once and for all who I'm supposed to be with." He nodded and before leaving my room said one more thing. "He'll leave you again Bella. But this time I won't be there to put you back together again." He stood up and stared at me before jumping through the window. "If you do this, if you really do this to us then I don't want to see you ever again." I looked away while he left and knew he was speaking the truth. And I couldn't blame him one bit.

I went downstairs and got in my truck and headed for the Cullens old house. Edward was standing outside. "I guess we should talk." I got out of the car and into his arms where I never wanted to leave. We walked up to his old bedroom and sat on his lounge where we began to talk. "Did you come back to see me?" He nodded. "I've been checking up on you every few months." Suddenly my breath was shallow. "Well I mean I've sent Alice to check on you. I knew if I were here in person I wouldn't leave." I folded my arms and sat back. It was a lot to take in. "So Alice told you that Jake and I were dating?" He nodded. "Bella, I left so that you could have a normal life and be happy. You shouldn't have to worry about my world. You should be able to grow up, have babies and be you. If we stayed together you would either have died or become like me." As tears began to form in my eyes I tried all I could to hold back. "Would that have been so bad? For me to be like you?" He nodded. "You don't know what it's like to live like this." Then the tears fell. "_You_ don't know what it's like to live like this! You think it's easy to know you left me because I wasn't good enough for you." I got up off the lounge and began walking in circles in his room. "Bella." He held me gently and whispered. "I only said that so you wouldn't come looking for me. So you would move on. Do you think for one second I actually believed anything that I said?" I didn't know how to answer. I moved out of his grip. "I don't know Edward. All I know is that I've been a shadow of myself because I lost you. I was ready to live that life with you! To be a vampire and love you forever." I took another step back. "But you left me. You just left!" I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to keep a deep breath.

He gently moved his hands to the shape of my face. "I wanted something better for you. I wanted you to be happy." Without meaning to I punched into his chest. "I was happy Edward." I left the room and walked outside. I sat down wondering what to do next. He followed me and sat next to me. "I'm leaving Forks tomorrow. If you want me to stay I'll stay." What a stupid question. I wanted him to stay forever. "I'll be leaving tomorrow night. I did actually have something to organise for Carlisle." I turned to him and asked. "Don't you have a cell?" He smiled. "I wouldn't leave without giving you a way to contact me." I laughed. "You mean again right?" He nodded. "I missed you dearly Bella." I smiled and looked at his golden eyes. "Me too." He leaned in and gently placed a kiss on my lips. "I better go." I stood up and faced Edward. "Will you promise to come back after you've helped out Carlisle?" He nodded. "Here is my number." He pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket. "Come and see me before you go okay?" He nodded and kissed me on the cheek. "Promise Edward." He smirked and whispered in my ear "I promise." He hugged me and walked me to my car. With my hand on the door I stared at him. "Please don't disappear again." He nodded. "I promise. I'll be here until tomorrow night so come and see me." I got in the car and waived as I drove away. I was nervous the whole way home until I called his cell. "Hello." I smiled. "Just wanted you to know I got home okay." He chuckled. "Thanks. I'll see you soon?" I nodded. "Yes." We hung up and I went inside.

**Decisions, decisions:**

That afternoon I pulled out the photo album from under my bed. It was filled of pictures with me and Jake. Was I cruel to him? Was I using him to survive? Of course. But I didn't have a choice. I was told by Charlie after a year of Edward leaving that I had other options. It wasn't as though I didn't love Jake. Like I didn't want to be in love with him the way he loved me. He was my best friend. But was I able to live without Edward again? Seeing him, just for the few hours I did, how is it possible it erased any romantic feeling I had for Jake? I flipped through the photos and began to cry. The whole situation was ridiculous and heart breaking. If I said no to Jacob I would lose him forever. Billy would hate me too and never let me near La Push again. Not to mention how disappointed Charlie would be with me. I'm sure he had it in his head for a long time that we would get married and live happily ever after. And if I said no to Edward I know that I would be going against my heart. I know I would never be able to be myself again. If he left town again this time I wasn't sure if I would survive. That was all I did when he left the first time. Survive. I didn't start to make sense or look like myself until my 19th birthday. I couldn't put Charlie through that again. While I turned over page by page I knew these were all excuses Although it was true that I worried I would be hated by Billy and Jacob I knew what my heart was choosing. But how to tell Jake? How was I going to look him in the eye and say "Well thanks for saving me and loving me! Gotta go now!" I couldn't. But I couldn't continue to be his girl, if that's what I was.

I rested my head and began to cry. I hated being selfish, I hated that soon I would have to walk into Jacobs arms for the last time. As I cried I began getting so furious with myself. Why couldn't I tell Edward to leave? Why couldn't I tell him it was too late for us? Because I still loved him! It was that easy to answer. But apart from my relationship with Jake so much else had changed. I was in university and studying to be a teacher. Would I stop that? Would I give that up too? What about Charlie? If I left town he would be miserable without me. Without any real explanation why his only child is leaving him for a man that left her years ago. I told Edward a long time ago I never wanted to be the kind of girl who would just follow her boyfriend. But isn't that what I was doing now? I closed my eyes when I heard a tap on the window. It was Jake. I walked over to the window and opened it. He quickly moved inside. "Hi." We hugged and I spoke into his chest "Hi." He held me for moments when I finally began to pull away. "We need to talk." He crossed his arms. "No Bella. You can't be that stupid." I pulled my hair back and put it into a pony tail. "Let's sit down." But he didn't move. "Bella please don't do this." I sat down and avoided his stare. "I have to." His words were still spoken softly. He sat besides me and his eyes didn't move off me. "Why? Didn't I make you happy? Didn't I love you with everything that I am?" I nodded. "Yes. Which makes me think I should have done this sooner." Tears began to form and I didn't know if I could avoid this lump in my throat and actually say the words. "So that's what it's like? You prefer to be used and left is that right?" He got up off the bed and crossed his arms again. "Jake I love you." He had his back to me and whispered. "Don't use words you don't understand Bella." He motioned to the window and I grabbed his arm. "Jake I'm sorry. You think I don't hate myself for this? For all of this? Do you think I wanted it this way?" He couldn't look in my eyes. I could tell he was about to cry. "Don't you think I tried?" He pushed my arm away and stared at me one last time. "No Bella I don't. All of your energy was placed on him and I, I didn't stand a chance with you." He jumped out the window and ran away. I felt like I was going to drown in my tears.

I heard a strange sound from outside my bedroom door but I couldn't move. I felt a pair of strong cold arms around me. "I'm so sorry." I turned around and let Edward hold me. I spent the rest of the night in his arms crying and saying things that I am sure didn't make sense to him. I didn't feel myself falling asleep but I did feel that Edward's grip was not getting loose. Maybe he meant it when he said he wouldn't disappear again.

**Charlie returns:**

My eyes began to flutter and I finally was able to make myself wake up. There he was holding onto me, staring at me with a big grin on his face. "Good morning." I smiled. "Good morning." I knew we still had a lot to work out. But waking up next to him, it made me happier than I had ever been. I moved over closer to him and gently kissed him on the cheek, then gently on the mouth. I began to get a little carried away but he didn't stop me this time. I guess being separated for three years made us both appreciate each other a little more. The other reason why he let me kiss him so passionately? Guilt. I was sure of it. But I didn't care. I still wasn't sure how he was in my arms. I moved my body to be closer to him and before I knew it I had rolled on top of him. I couldn't explain what happened next. It was magnificent. He smoothly moved his hands from my back to my waist and his grip was amazing. I felt wanted, like I was worth the world. I moved my hands to his shirt and began to unbutton them. When I had finished I had moved to my own when I felt his hands on mine. "Bella I think we need to stop." I ignored him and pushed his hand away. I had successfully unbuttoned three buttons when he swiftly rolled us over so he could be on top and out of nowhere he left the room. I sat up and called out his name. "Edward. Where did you go?" I began to button my shirt back up and heard someone walking up the stairs. "Charlie!" I said to myself. I jumped up and fixed my hair in my mirror and just in time to hear him call out. "Bells. Are you here?" I took a breath and walked to my door and unlocked it. "Hey dad!" We hugged and he gave me a card. "Sorry kid, forgot to leave this before I went. How was your birthday?" A million thoughts entered my head. "Um that's okay. My birthday was uh great. How was Seatle?" We walked downstairs and he looked in the fridge. "Well nothing has been solved yet. I might need to go back next week again." He grabbed a can of beer and closed the fridge. "I might be going to Billy's tonight. Are you coming?" I folded my arms trying to explain that I probably wouldn't be welcomed there.

"Uh no I've still got a lot of studying." He nodded and looked at me in a weird way. "Bella is everything okay?" I nodded then shook my head. "Actually no, there's something I need to tell you." He listened. Sometimes I hated the fact my dad was a cop, it made certain lies so much harder to tell. Especially when my ex is a werewolf and my other ex is a vampire. "Well uh, something's happened with me and Jake." He took a sip of his beer and waited for me to finish. "We broke up. At least we were breaking up sort of so yeah I don't think I'll go tonight." He put his beer down and gave me a hug. "I'm so sorry kid. What happened? Jake is such a good guy, did he hurt you?" I nearly laughed. It was all so horrible. "No dad, he didn't hurt me. I just admitted something to myself that I should have a long time ago. We're not in love." But Charlie looked confused. "But he loves you Bells." I nodded and tried to meet eye contact. "But I don't love him dad. Not the way he loves me and I don't think I ever will. I've tried, I really have but it's just not there. I'm not supposed to be with him." He gave me another hug and whispered. "It's okay kiddo, I understand. These things are hard." He gave me a kiss on the cheek. "You look kinda weird. Is there anything else you wanna talk about?" this was my chance. But I couldn't utter the words. I hadn't really begun to understand all the emotions of what happened in the past 24 hours. I knew the reasons why Edward left but how could I translate that to him? "Actually no." So I lied. "Well I'm gunna check in at work then head to Billy's. I'm real sorry this didn't work out kiddo!" I nodded, grabbed his jacket then left. I ran upstairs and opened my bedroom door. There was Edward on my bed, hands behind his head. Just like the first time he stayed in my room. I smiled and he smiled back. "What?" I sat next to him and he moved his hands around me. "I was just remembering the first night you stayed here." He smiled "Oh. Maybe we can recreate that night." I kissed him gently. "Will you be here tonight?" He nodded. "For as long as you want me." I nestled into his arms and watched as the sun beamed through my window. It was rare that in Forks the sun shinned. I watched as it trailed down Edwards face. The past three years felt like a dream. Like Edward didn't exist and neither did his species. I trailed my finger down his forehead and down his nose and stopped at his lips. "Do you think I'll ever be able to make this up to you?" His eyes softened and I was sure if he could have cried he could have "Yes. It'll take time. For now I'm doing everything I can to make myself believe you're real and you're here." He smiled and grabbed my hand and stared at my fingers. "I promise if you let me stay, I'll stay forever." We had so much to talk through but I just couldn't bring myself to say another word. I rested next to Edward and closed my eyes. "I love you." To everyone else in my world I am sure they'd think I was crazy to be back with Edward. Especially Charlie! I knew the pain I caused him when Edward left. But I can't rationalise the love I have for him. I wasn't going to let him off the hook, he would need to work at earning my trust. But for the main part I had chosen him. Little did I know the battle had just begun!

**Holding back:**

I had been laying with Edward for almost an hour when he whispered "Charlie." Without any warning Edward was gone and my door now burst open. "You know I thought we were a family Bella." He began pacing back and forward. "I thought that after everything you went through you would have learnt a lesson in who to trust and who to throw away." Then it occurred to me. Somehow it hadn't before. Jake told Charlie about Edward. "Dad just calm down!" the glare Charlie gave me could have burnt through me. "When were you going to tell me Bella? Or did you think it would be easier for Jacob to tell me?" A lump entered my throat and I couldn't reply. "How do you think he felt telling me that my daughter broke his heart because the Cullen's are back in town? After everything he did for you! He was there for you when Edward left. How could you throw that away?" I sat down unable to explain or defend what had happened. "Do you have any idea what you've done to him Bella? Why in the world would you even be talking to that Cullen kid." I got a little angry even though at the time I didn't really have the right to. "His name is Edward dad." He kept on pacing. "How could you Bells? He's in love with you kid. Do you really not see that?" I nodded. "I know. Alright I know. You just don't understand-" he cut me off and began to laugh. "Oh I understand alright Bella. He comes into town being all sweet and kind explaining why he left you, how it was so selfless for him. But he wasn't here Bella! He didn't see you fall apart and watch as everyone you knew tried to put the pieces back together again."

I took a deep breath and he knelt down to my eye level. "You might not remember kiddo, but you were a wreck. You abandoned all your friends you looked a mess and for seven months straight you barely slept. I can still remember the screaming." He stopped and waited for me to respond. "I remember." He shook his head and started again. "He left you Bella. He broke up with you and vanished. How can you forgive him so easily?" I tried to hold back the tears. "I can't explain it. I know that it'll take some work for us to get back to where we were and we have to talk a lot out but I want this. Dad, I want him." He stood up and put his hands on his face to try and wake himself up. "I don't want him here Bella." I knew this would start. I knew Charlie wouldn't welcome him into our house. "Okay." He shook his head. "I mean it. If I see him I'm putting him behind bars." I could have argued that I was 21 or that I knew what I was doing but I had to respect Charlie. "Okay." I stood up and we hugged. He left the room and I wondered if Edward heard all of that.

I looked out the window and whispered "Edward!" then I felt his arms around me. I turned to stare him. "I'm sorry." He smiled and gently touched my face. "It's nothing more than I deserve. I have to earn back his trust." I leaned into his chest and I could feel him playing with my hair. "I wish I had a time machine." I smiled. "Me too." He leaned in and touched his lips with mine. "Was it hard to hear?" He nodded. "It killed me to leave Bella. Each day felt like a year but I did it for you. I thought I was doing the right thing. I don't think you would hurt like that. I'm so sorry." We hugged tighter. I didn't have any magical answer. All I could do was hold him. "We'll get through it." He nodded but his eyes. They looked the way they did the night after my birthday party. "You know you can't leave again." He stared straight through my eyes. "I don't think it's possible for me to leave Bella. You're my everything." We kissed again. This time around it was harder. It had been a long time since he had been around my sent. I tried not to take the small kisses as a bad sign. "Since I'm not allowed here maybe you can wander over to my house every now and then." I smiled. "He said if he see's you he'll put you behind bars. Let's just concentrate on the whole him not seeing you part." We laughed and hugged once more.

**Two weeks later.**

For the next two weeks I didn't speak a word of Edward and I could tell that was making Charlie nervous. I think he would rather know what was happening then watch me tippy toe around him. "Alright Bella enough." He said while slamming down his fork. I had made one of his favourite dishes, spaghetti bolognese in hopes that after a while he might forgive me. I couldn't imagine it would have been easy being friends with Billy after what happened. "What?" I put the pan over the sink and sat down next to him. "I hate this. I guess it's time for you to tell me what's going on with you and uh, him." I was happy that Charlie didn't use any other name like previously since Edward was upstairs. "Well uh, you really want to hear about me and Edward?" He shook his head. "No, but it makes me nervous. Lately you've been really happy, and don't get me wrong kid but you were happy last time. I just want to make sure he's treating you good." I nodded. "I know and yes he's treating me good. His family are coming back to Forks." That took him by surprise. "All of them? Geez Bells I wish you told me earlier." I took a sip of my cola and hesitatingly replied. "Well, it was only sorted last night. I think it's a good thing dad." I began eating again and I could feel him looking at me. "What?" He began eating too then stopped and stared again. "Bells just take it slow okay? I really don't want to find out you're pregnant and he's left town again." That answer shocked me. "Dad geez." Embarrassed I couldn't face him. "Sorry but you're not a child anymore and things are different than before! I know you're more serious and I just don't want to see him ruin your life!"

With that remark I put my plate in the sink and said goodnight. "Don't be made Bells." Dad said while throwing his napkin down. "You've been working so hard and I don't want you to throw it away. You've only got one more year and you're finished college." I nodded and said goodnight again. I opened my door and Edward was pretending to read Wuthering Heights. "Hi." I crawled on the bed next to him and he smiled and put the book down. "You know I'm wondering why did you decide to stay at home instead of going to a dorm." I smiled and kissed his cheek. "Well if I did then we wouldn't exactly have privacy right now would we?" He smiled and threw the book behind him. He was laying next to me just staring. "I'm sorry that things between you and Charlie aren't back to normal yet." I nodded and played with his hair. "Well he's taking it better than I thought he would." He leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips then the chin then the cheek. It was adorable. "Besides I should be apologising. I'm sorry he said, well everything that he's said." He smiled and kissed my lips before stopping and looking at my forehead. "What?" he began making a funny face. "Seriously what? Why are you looking at me like that?" He smiled. "Just trying to read your mind. But unfortunately you're still blocking me." I smiled and played with his hair again. "I don't mean to." We kissed for a moment then he rolled off me and collected the book he threw. He seemed a little distant and I just had to ask why. "What is it? What are you thinking?" He turned through Wuthering Heights and ignored my stare. "Just thinking about things." I rolled over on my side so I could see him more clearly. "What things?" "Well I've been thinking. About what we've been doing the time we've been apart." It was odd of him to bring it up. Hadn't we been trying to work through it? "Oh. And?" He quickly looked in my eyes and back at the book. "I want to ask you something, and I have no right to ask it." I began to get nervous. I sat up and stared at him. I grabbed the book and threw it on the floor. "You can ask me anything Edward." He still couldn't meet my gaze. I knew it was bad. "It's just, with Charlie talking about things and well it got me thinking. Please don't be offended because I don't care what the answer is, it's purely curiosity." I nodded impatiently and asked "What is it Edward?" He sat up next to me and quietly asked. "Did you sleep with Jacob?"

**While you were sleeping:**

"What? Edward why would you ask me that?" He moved away and ran his fingers through his hair. "I know it's not a fair question, and I know it's not my business. But I'm curious. If the answer is yes I understand. I left you and broke your heart. By the sounds of it he's the one that made you, you again. Please don't hate me for asking." I was still a little shocked. "Edward I didn't sleep with Jacob." He looked as though he was exhaling with a sign of pleasure. "I'm sorry, I know you must think I'm rude for asking." I grabbed his hand. "I can understand your curiosity Edward. So let me ask you, were you with anyone while you were away." He smiled that crocked smile I hadn't seen for so long. "Isabella Swan the kiss we shared two weeks ago was the first kiss I have had in three years." I moved in closer and his lips touched mine softly. "I barely kissed Jacob." Edward push a part of my hair off my face. "I understand. I guess with Charlie talking about you getting pregnant, it made me think." He stared at my hands again, something he had gotten into the habit as of the last two weeks. "What? Why do you look sad?" He smiled and looked at me. "I'm not sad. I just wish that we would be able to someday have a family together." The thought of me and Edward and me together forever made me smile. "Why are you smiling?" I sat back and began talking. "Since you've been back we haven't really talked about the future. I guess it's just nice to know you think about it too." He looked at my hands again and now the curiosity was killing me.

"Edward seriously why do you keep looking at my hands like that?" He smiled and kissed my hand. "I've been thinking about the future ever since you asked me to stay. I can't help but look at your hand and imagine my mothers wedding ring on it." The breath in my body was sucked out. "What?" He smirked. "I'm not proposing. I know we have a lot to sort out. But I do want you to be my wife." I couldn't speak. I was filled with happiness that he wanted me too but then fear struck me. "Charlie." Edward looked at the door. "He's asleep." I shook my head. "Charlie and Renee. They were very much in love and well, Renee claims that being married so young ruined their relationship." Edward let go of my hand and waited for me to talk again. "Edward, you know I want to be with you, even though we have to sort out the whole me becoming a vampire thing, but still the marriage thing, well it's not something I'm fond of." Edward nodded then smirked again. "I understand." He got off the bed and walked towards the window. "We'll talk about it later than!" here I was thinking that the matter was addressed. "Where are you going?" Edward lifted the window and waived back at me. "Well since you don't want to marry me I guess I have to find another human!" I jumped up and grabbed him around the waist. "Silly vampire." He turned around and looked me seriously in the eyes. "I'll get you to say yes you know!" I smiled. "Not for a while." He pulled me closer and leaned his lips just so they just touched mine. "I can wait."

We spent the rest of the night in each others arms. Edward and I had agreed to talk about what we did during the time we were apart. I told him about college and the people there, he told me how he was training to hunt. Funnily enough the conversation about Victoria hadn't come up yet. I guess I was afraid to tell him about what happened and I was lucky he couldn't read my thoughts. I had been asleep for only a minute or two when Edward started shaking me. Trying to wake me up. "Hmm what?" I rubbed my eyes and stared at him. "You were talking in your sleep. It's been a long time since I've heard you do that." I sat up and looked at him. "What did I say?" he gently pushed my hair away and stared in my eyes. "You said Victoria." I sat up immediately. "Oh. Just a dream. I'm kinda tired." I rolled over and hesitantly he held me. I think he was too afraid to ask. He had no idea about Victoria but something told me he wasn't going to put off asking for long.

**In Wonderland:**

It didn't take long for all the Cullen's to fly back to Forks. I was at Edward's house when I saw the delivery trucks. Alice had decided to redecorate. Heaven forbid having a lounge that was four years old. I saw her talking to the drivers and organising with them what boxes go where. She was just as cute as ever. She turned to me and ran towards me. She picked me up and hugged me while talking very fast. "Bella how are you?" I nodded. "good. You?" He smiled and played with my hair. "It's so long." I nodded. "Yeah." I wasn't exactly full of words. The last time I saw her Jasper was trying to bite me. I guess I had to rebuild my relationship with all the Cullen's. "Maybe we can go shopping tomorrow or something?" I smiled. "I'd love to but I have class." She folded her arms. "That's right Edward told me. Well maybe Saturday? My treat! Please!" I smiled and said yes. "How can I refuse you Alice?" We hugged again and looked annoyed at one of the delivery men. "That box says fragile. Please be careful!" She ran down the stairs and started looking for another box. "Maybe I should come back. "No wait. Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme are almost here." I noticed one name missing from the list. "And Jasper?" He shook his head. "Come with me." Edward grabbed my hand and we ran upstairs to his room. "Bella Jasper isn't really comfortable coming back here." I hung my head. "Because of me?" Edward sat next to me on his bed. "Because of him. He feels responsible for what happened. He told Alice he'll be staying away for a while." I got off the bed and almost touching the door handle when Edward out of nowhere put his hand on mine. "Bella just give him time." I let go and faced him. "Alice must hate me." Edward laughed and pulled me closer to him. "Ridiculous. No one blames you Bella. You are the innocent one in this. Silly Bella."

He kissed the tip of my nose. Then my top lip, then he moved to my bottom lip. Without me even realising it his tongue was gently touching my neck. I could hear him breathe in my scent. I had to make sure I didn't move too quickly. I didn't want him to be alarmed. I wanted this moment forever. His hands moved to the top button of my shirt. My hands were gently touching his hips. I began to tug on his shirt and he slowly moved back. I looked down and smiled while realising Edward had undone all of my buttons. He didn't say anything and I had forgotten how to speak. I pulled his face to mine. He moved his hands to my bottom and lifted me up. My legs wrapped around him and my lips were tangled with his. I moved my hands to his back and began tugging his shirt. I finally got it scrunched in my hands. I began to pull it off when his eyes opened and he stopped kissing me. For a second I thought he was going to stop me. Then I realised he was walking us to the bed. He laid me down gently and didn't stop me while removing his shirt. We had never gotten this far. He never allowed it. I tried to calm my heart down but I couldn't remember how to do anything but touch and kiss Edward. His hands moved around my back and removed my shirt. My face was turning red. Obviously he could see that. He began kissing each cheek and then gently placed my face in his hands. "Do you want to slow down?" I almost laughed. "No. No. Keep going." I grabbed his lips and gave them a little bite. I didn't want to stop. I had spent too much time being without him. Without his arms, without his lips and without his golden eyes. I began touching his chest. My hands moved down to the top of his jeans. I began to undo his belt and his kiss was more intense. More desperate. His grip on me was tight and I finally got his belt undone.

The second the belt was undone Edward pushed his hands down to my thighs and then they rested on my hips. Within a second he pulled my jeans off. He was impatient. I was a little shocked. He had always been so still and patient. I loved seeing this side to him. The side that showed he wanted me too. Then Alice opened the door. "Edward Emmett wanted-" Edward jumped off and pulled his pants up. "Oh um oh. Sorry. Continue please I um. Nevermind." Alice shut the door then opened it again to say "Sorry." Edward shut the door and took his time turning around to face me. I picked my shirt off the floor since he was beginning to get dressed. "We don't have to stop. I mean we don't have to go any further but we don't have to stop." Edward was fully dressed and I grabbed my shirt and jeans and dressed myself. "I'm decent. You can turn around." He didn't move or say anything. I walked next to him and I gently touched his arm. "Edward." He faced me. "What's wrong?" He finally faced me. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have let it go that far." He wasn't looking in my eyes. "Are you kidding? Edward that was amazing. Being so close to you and feeling like you want me." He closed his eyes and hugged me. "I always want you. Like that and every other way possible." I moved back. "Edward please what's wrong?" He shook his head. "It was just irresponsible." Then I noticed his eyes. They were black. "Oh." He stared at me. "What?" I moved my hands over his face and over his eyes. "It doesn't matter what colour your eyes are. I'm always safe with you." He moved my hands away. "No you're not. I shouldn't even be around you when I'm hungry." I folded my arms. "Really Edward? We are back to that. You're not going to hurt me. If you were going to you would have by now." He shrugged me off. "You don't understand Bella." I grabbed my jacket off his chair. "You're right I don't. I mean God Edward. James bit me and you had to drink my blood to stop the change from happening. You did it and you stopped. Do you really think just because you're a little hungry you could hurt me." He flinched. Remembering that day was hard for both of us. "Edward I'm safe with you. You need to give yourself more credit." He grabbed my hands and kissed them. "I have to go hunting tonight. I'll be back on Friday okay?" I nodded. It was the first time he had been away since returning to Forks. Of course he was overdue. "I wish I could come with you." He rolled his eyes. "Never." He kissed my forehead. "Will you be okay?" I nodded. "Yeah sure." I folded my arms and didn't respond to his kiss. "You know I'll come back." I nodded. "Yeah. It's just hard." He wrapped his arms around me. "What about if you stay here and Alice can keep you company?" I shook my head. "No I'm just being silly. I'll see you on Friday." I kissed him and said goodbye. He knew me too well to know I was okay. But I didn't have a choice. He needed to hunt. And I needed to be patient.

**You Can't Have It Both Ways:**

I hadn't seen any other Cullen besides Edward and Alice. Alice had decided that she wanted to throw a party when everything was organised and in the right order. I told her it would be great to see everyone again. Neither of us had commented on Jasper. I'm sure she knew I hoped he would be returning. She didn't sound upset so she could probably see Jasper returning soon. I started gathering everything for class and when I got to the door I heard a motorcycle. "Jacob." I dropped my books on the couch and ran to the door. It was just someone passing by. My heart sank a little and I knew I needed to see him. I needed to somehow make his pain less. It was impossible but I kept thinking over and over again about how many times he came to my rescue. A scary thought came to mind. Who would I have been if he wasn't there for me when Edward left? I grabbed my phone from my backpack and opened it. On the screen was a picture of me and Jake which Charlie took. We had decided to tag along on one of Charlies many fishing trips. I knew now my future was with Edward. But I could never deny that Jacob was a part of who I was. Then his words ran through my mind. "Didn't I love you with everything that I am?" I knew I wouldn't be welcomed. Billy would cast me away before I even got to the door. So I would have to call him first. My fingers quickly dialled the number before I lost all courage. "Hey you've called Jake. Can't get to the phone so why don't you leave me a message?"

I wanted to say sorry. I wanted to say how much I missed him. But nothing came out. I had ripped this friendship to shreds. While hanging up I dropped my phone on the floor and I could feel it, the tears on the brink. Luckily they were interrupted by a knock at the door. I opened the door and my heart stopped. "Hi." It was Jake. I instantly smiled when I had no right to. I wasn't allowed to be happy at the sight of him. I lost that privilege when I told him it was over. "Hi." I wiped my eyes quickly and just stared at him. "Well are you going to invite me in or not?" Shocked I smiled and opened the door. "Sure." He came in the lounge room and paced back and forward. "Jake I miss-" He shook his head. "No. I didn't come here for that." I sat down on the lounge and waited patiently for him to explain his visit. "I saw the blonde Cullen girl. Are they all here?" I nodded. "Except Jasper." Wishing I had shut my mouth. Why would I expect he would know or care who Jasper was. His pacing was driving me crazy. "Jacob please what is it?" He sat down across from me. "I wanted to burn their house down Bella. I hate that they're back. I hate that you're with him. I hate that I can't even think of you without wanting to leave Forks." I nodded. "I'm sorry Jacob." He stood up. "I said I'm not here for that." He got up and kneeled in front of me. "If you go through with it, if he changes you I'll have no choice Bella. It's in the treaty and I'll have to." He bent his head down unable to look at me. "What's in the treaty?" He wiped his eye and faced me again. "It's written in the treaty that if a Cullen bites another human that the deal is off." But surely this was different. I was choosing this after all.

"But I decided this. It's got nothing to do with anyone Jacob," He got up and stared at me blankly. "No Bella. This isn't just a technicality that we can ignore. If they bite another human being, not kill then the treaty is over." I got up off the seat and began to pace myself. "So, what you're saying is you'll come after us?" Nothing had been arranged. Edward and I hadn't talked about him changing me since he had returned to Forks. But I still wanted it. I wanted him forever and nothing was going to change that. What I hadn't counted on was Jacob telling me I wouldn't be a vampire for very long. "Please Bella don't do this." He held my hands in his and was almost kissing them. "Answer me Jacob." He closed his eyes for a moment obviously trying to think of a way out of answering. But there was none. "Bella if he changes you I won't have a choice." We both took a breath and he spoke again. "I'll have to hunt them down and kill them. I'll have to kill you." I tried to take my hands out of his but his grip was too tight. "It's in my blood Bella. I have to follow the pack." I began to take short breaths. "Then we'll leave Forks." He shook his head. "These are your options? Leave Forks and all of your family or die?" His body began to get hot. I could feel it through his hands. "He is nothing Bella but death and misery. Why would you want this?" I knew I would have to sacrifice the right to see Charlie or Renee but I thought I had it figured out. In a few years when I had my thirst would be under control and when my eyes had turned golden leaving the red scary eyes behind I always thought I would be able to see my family. But now I was left with nothing. I closed my eyes and tears fell down my cheek. His hands moved to them.

"I'm not supposed to be telling you this Bella. He should have told you. He's so selfish." He leaned in and kissed my forehead. "He doesn't want me to change Jacob. I do." He let go of my cheeks and took a step backwards. "Why?" I could barely look at him. "Because I love him." He let go of me. He walked towards a picture on the wall. It was taken at the reservation on my 20th birthday. He took it off the hook and sighed. He had his back to me and still I knew what he was thinking. "I'm sor-" Before I could finish he dropped the picture and the glass shattered. "Don't call me and don't come near the reservation." He walked to the front door and paused while his hand was on the handle. "When he changes you, you have 24 hours to leave Forks." He opened the door and spoke once more. "Then we're coming." He closed the door behind him. I sat down and let my hand fall in my hands. My decision. My wanting Edward had come to this. I grabbed my phone and dialled Alice's number. I needed to know that there was another way out of this. Who better to ask?

**Jasper returns:**

My hands were shaking as I was trying so hard to keep it together. It didn't take long for Alice to answer. "Bella hello." I didn't have much voice to answer with. "Bella, is everything okay?" I took a breath and finally answered. "Alice. I need to see you, can I come over?" A moment passed while she put the phone down. "Of course! Are you coming now?" I nodded then spoke again. "Yes, I'll be there in five minutes." I hung up and grabbed my bag and keys. When I got in the truck I wanted to break down. I knew how much i had hurt Jake. I had broken his heart, but to hear what would happen if I was turned and tried to stay in Forks, that was too much. I arrived at the Cullens and Alice was outside staring at me. I raced out of the car and ran to her. I hugged her faught so hard to keep the tears away. "What happened Bella?" I wiped my face and tried to speak. "Jacob." Her face became serious. "Is he okay? Bella why are you so upset?" I stood back and began talking again when I noticed Alice wasn't inviting me inside. "Can I come inside and I'll tell you everything." She bit her lip and looked inside. "Alice what is it?" I was a little frustrated. I knew she was a perfectionist and the house wasn't finished yet but I wouldn't care. "Well, it's just." She hesitated. "Jasper is back." I sighed. "That's great." She bit her lip again. "It's been a while since he's been around humans." I looked around. "Do you think that maybe I could say hi to him? I know he feels guilty about what happened and I just want him to know that it's okay. He doesn't have to feel guilty." I was beginning to babble. "It was my fault that I couldn't even open an envelope without getting a cut." She smiled. "Maybe not today Bella. He's about to go hunting. What about if you and I go somewhere and talk?" I nodded. "Sure. Sounds good." She grabbed her keys and walked with me arm and arm to her car.

When we got to the nearest coffee house I ordered a drink and we sat down. She looked a little concerned. "So, how long have you and Jasper been apart?." She smiled. "Well it's only been a few weeks. After we left Forks we went travelling and Jasper wanted to keep a distance from humans. It's only been the last year that we have been surrounded by humans and I just wish it was easier for him." I nodded taking a sip of my cappuccino. "I'm sorry Alice." She smiled and touched my hand. "Bella you have nothing to be sorry for." She pulled her arm back and began to look blank. She was having one of her visions. I grabbed her hand and just waited for her to speak. She closed her eyes for a second then stared at me. "Alice. Are you okay? What did you see?" She shook her head and spoke. "It's nothing Bella. So what happened with Jacob?" Once upon a time she might have gotten away with that but not now. "Alice please, what was it?" She shook her head and insisted I not worry. "Alice I know what Edward would tell you not to say anything, but I promise I can handle it." She stared at her hands and her ring finger. "It was about Jasper." I shut up then. "I just had a vision that he was going to kill someone." I didn't know what to say. "Well it doesn't always happen right? I mean it can't be right. He doesn't hunt humans." Alice nodded. "No he doesn't. Look you don't need to worry, I will handle this." I finished my cappuccino and told her I needed to go home and study.

It wasn't exactly the right time to talk about Jacob. "Bella I'm sorry. I know you needed to talk to someone today." I shook my head and grabbed her hand. "Alice please, you should go home and talk to Jasper. Don't worry about me!" She nodded. She drove me back home and once I got out of the car she smiled at me. "What?" She smirked again. "Nothing. We'll catch up soon okay Bella?" I nodded and walked inside. I went upstairs and decided to study, to try and make it up to my schooling since I missed my classes today and I realised my bedroom door was shut. I didn't remember shutting it. I opened in slowly and sure enough it was nothing. I walked inside and grabbed one of my books when the door slammed behind me. I jumped and my heart began to race. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!" It was Edward. So this was why Alice was smirking. "Oh Edward!" I ran into his chest and everything I had been holding onto was let go. "Bella, love what happened?" He held onto me. Tighter than he had ever done before. "Jacob." I couldn't really say anything else. His arms were wrapped around my back and it felt perfect. He began to pull away a little. He moved my hair out of my face and with his two thumbs erased all of my tears.

"Bella tell me. What happened?" I finally moved my face up so I could see his. "Jacob came by and told me what will happen if you turn me in Forks." I didn't know how to say the rest. "I'm sorry Bella. I should have told you all about the treaty. It's just we hadn't spoken about you changing since I came back." He kissed my forehead then each cheek. "Bella he probably made things sound far worse simply because he hates us. He hates me. I'm sorry for whatever he said." We hugged again and I buried my head in his chest. "Is it true? That if I were changed in Forks he would have the right to kill us? All of us?" He hesitated for a moment before finally nodding. "Yes. But if it ever came to you changing then we wouldn't do it here." I tried to swallow more tears. "But then we could never return." He nodded. "Look Bella we haven't even really talked about that. So let's leave that for another day. I've really missed you. So much so I had to come back early." I smiled but then realised something. "Does that mean you'll have to go again soon?" He shook his head. "No, believe me I am completely full." He smiled and his golden eyes looked amazing. I stood on my tippy toes and leaned in for a small kiss. His hands leaned down from my cheeks to my waist. He picked me up and my legs twisted themselves around his waist. "Miss Swan I am so glad to be back." I smiled. Unable to really comment. He leaned me down onto my bed and we continued kissing for a few moments and until I remembered Alice's vision. "Jasper." Edward stopped kissing me and gave me an odd look. "It might be nice if you didn't yell out my brother's name while we kiss!" He smiled and laughed. "No, Alice. She had a vision about Jasper."

Edward stared at me and waited to hear what Alice told me. "Edward, she had a vision that Jasper was going to kill someone. I know that her visions can change, but what if he does kill someone?" Edward stared into space thinking. "That would break the treaty wouldn't it?" He nodded. "Why did Alice tell you this?" I knew he would be mad at her. "I was there when she had the vision." He sat up looking annoyed. "That doesn't matter Bella, she shouldn't have told you this." I sat up next to him. "Edward, I know I'm not as strong as you, but I'm not weak. I can handle anything, believe me." Without saying it we both knew what I was referring to. "Besides, I made her tell me. She looked really worried." He touched my cheek and gave me a soft kiss. "You're going to go check on her aren't you?" He nodded. "Please don't tell Jasper, that I know." He kissed me again this time on my nose. Then gently on my lips. "I better go, or I never will." He slowly moved off the bed and I walked around the bed and stood next to him. "Come back when you can." He smiled and placed his hands in mine. "Very soon." I held on tight. "Do you think it will take long before Jasper and I can be in the same room together?" He shrugged. "He's starting to act normal again finally. Since I returned to you his guilt has lessened." I smirked. "Well he's back in Forks now, so hopefully it won't take long." Edwards face went serious. "I didn't know he was already back. Alice was supposed to tell me." He slowly let go of my hands. "I'll come back tonight." He kissed me again and then, he was gone.

**Hunting: **

Later that night I had just finished cooking dinner for myself and Charlie. As usual he requested steak. I just began to eat my salad when I heard a frantic knock at the door. I jumped up ignoring Charlie's quiet complaint about how Edward didn't respect dinner time. When I got to the door Edward was standing there with his arms folded. "Edward what's wrong?" He shook his head and came inside and looked around the room. "Bella I need to talk to you in private." I nodded and walked upstairs while Charlie watched irritated. It wasn't easy to have Edward in the house. Usually Charlie would say no, but he didn't have the opportunity to now. We walked into my bedroom and I shut the door. "Edward you're freaking me out, what's wrong?" He looked outside my window then shut it. "Alice told Jasper about her vision. She was trying to comfort him but instead it made him feel as though she was judging him." I looked at my window and back to him. "So what happened?" I could tell he was trying to avoid the question but it was impossible. "Jasper took off." Then I realised he was worried about me. "You don't know where he is?" Edward shook his head and I sat on my bed. "Jasper isn't vicious. What happened on my birthday, it wasn't his fault! He's not going to hunt Edward."

Not convinced Edward sat next to me and stared at me. "I know he would never purposely hurt you Bella. But I had to make sure you were okay. If by some chance he has reverted to drinking human blood then you might have crossed his mind." I crossed my arms not wanting to believe it. "Bella, you know what I am, but you don't understand the control it can have on you. If he isn't thinking clearly it could be possible he would-" He stopped looking away from me. "Edward no, I know I don't know him as well as you do, but he would never do anything to hurt you." He grabbed my hands. "I'll be staying here while everyone else is looking for him. I need to know that you're safe Bella." He leaned in and kiss my cheek. "Edward, if Alice is right, if he bites another human-" I didn't have to finish the sentence. The Cullen's had already thought of the consequences. "I know. Alice, Rosalie and Emmet are out there looking for him. Esme is at home hoping that he calls and Carlisle, well he's trying other methods to see if he can find Jasper."

He was holding my hand tight. "We've already packed our belongings in case-" I felt my heart rate rise. "In case?" I bit my lip. "In case we have to leave Forks." I stood up trying not to shake. How could he talk about leaving Forks? After everything we went through, after me choosing him over Jacob. I could feel my blood begin to boil. "Bella it's just a precaution. We want to be ready for the worst!" I began walking around in circles. "And what about me Edward? Am I invited this time?" Edward looked a little shocked but quickly got over it. He stood up and walked towards me. "Bella it wouldn't be for long, just until we could figure something out with the-" The shaking didn't stop. "So no!" Edward looked uneasy, as though he didn't have anything comforting to say. "You promised you wouldn't leave me again." I tried to be calm, but it was so difficult. "Are you just going back on that?" He tried to wrap his arms around me and I pushed them away. "Edward answer me. Tell me that I'm wrong. That if you're leaving forks you have a seat ready for me." He stood very still. "Bella we were only going to go for a few weeks until we can sort out some kind of agreement."

It began to feel more and more like my 18th birthday party. I took a breath and said what I needed to say. "You're leaving me again." Silence. Edwas then tried to defuse the situation. "Bella it's only for a few weeks." I nodded. "And if it takes longer. What about a few months?" He took my hand but I didn't really feel anything. "I promise it won't come to that." I moved my hand out of his and answered "You also promised you wouldn't leave." Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. "Bella this is just-" "A precaution. I get it. Well if you're going to leave you should go now." The shocked look on his face showed me he got the message. "Bella?" He put his hand under my chin but I didn't move. "You need to leave. So go now." Edward tried to put his arms around me but I took a step back. "Edward I can't go through this again. I can't handle this right now, you need to leave." Without another attempt to hold me he quietly left the room. I tried to hold myself together. I somehow understood his logic. He didn't want to change my life, but stupidly he didn't realise he already had years ago. From the moment I first saw him in the school cafeteria I was changed.

I gave myself a few moments then returned down stairs. I would not reform to what I was without Edward. Besides he hadn't left town, yet. I headed towards the dinner table and Charlie had already finished his steak. He stayed seating though drinking his vitamin R. "He wasn't here long." I grabbed his plate and placed it in the sink. "Did you have a fight or something?" I didn't respond. I dished my salad out and sat down. "Bella I really don't want him in this house." I took a sip of water and finally responded. "I don't want to talk about Edward." He finished his can and left the table. "Just gunna watch some tv." He leaned down and kissed the top of my head. "Okay Dad." He left and I wondered how I reverted to my life as the 18 year old I once was.

**What are sisters for?:**

I was scraping the leftovers into the bed when I saw headlights outside my house. Two seconds later a knock at the door. Charlie answered it and sounded very happy. "Alice! Hey kiddo how are you?" They hugged quickly and Alice looked in my direction. "I'm okay Charlie how are you?" Charlie smiled and quickly stared at me. "Pretty good thanks Alice." I walked closer to the loungeroom. "Bella can we talk?" I nodded. "Well I'll let you girls catch up." Charlie resumed watching tv. "Upstairs okay?" Alice nodded and followed me. Once we were in my room we sat on the bed and I wasn't sure how to start off. "Have you found Jasper?" Alice shook her head. "No. Bella I'm sorry I told you about the vision. I was so scared for him and shocked, I didn't think about how it would scare you." I smiled and patted her shoulder. "Alice it's okay. I just hope you find him soon. I wish I could help." Alice smiled. "Thanks Bella." I didn't want to talk about Edward but I had a sneaking suspicion that she did. "Bella Edward is worried about you." I got off the bed and looked out my window. "You know Alice after everything I would have thought that he understood what he meant to me." I faced her unable to stop talking. "He promised me that he wouldn't leave again and here he is packing up his belongings I mean what does that mean Alice? He never even considered me in this!" I could see how she was trying to find the words. "Bella, Edward has always felt guilty about being with you. About the danger he puts you in and the fact you are willing to change to be with him forever. He feels like you've given everything. Not forgetting that he broke your heart. There is so much guilt Bella that he can't possible take anything more from you." I ran next to her. "But I want him to Alice. I want him to tell me we might need to leave town, so get prepared. Not "I'm leaving town just letting you know!"" I felt so selfish talking to Alice about this, considering that Jasper is still missing. "He was gone for three years Alice. Do you know where I was during this time?" She shook her head. "Gone. I wasn't me. I didn't even look like me and that was when I was trying so hard to be okay. For me, for everyone else. I am aware of what I've given up but he has to be aware of what I am getting."

Alice put her hands to my face gently. "He's just trying not to interrupt your life. He doesn't understand he is your life." I smiled. "I'm sorry for bothering you with all of this, especially with Jasper gone." Her smile lessoned. "What are sisters for?" We hugged and I didn't feel like crying anymore. "I have to go. But I'll see you soon okay?" I nodded. "Wait, don't you want to talk about-" she cut me off. "No, Edward is all inside my head, I'm sure he's heard it all. I don't really feel like talking." I understood that. So many times I wish people were inside my head it would have helped a lot. I walked Alice to her car and hoped that Edward would understand why I was so mad. "We'll talk soon okay?" Alice asked while reversing. I nodded and waived.

**Broken:**

The next morning I woke up and could send someone was in my room. My eyes opened quickly and I sat up. It was Edward. He was sitting on the windowsill. "I didn't mean to wake you!" I got out of bed and slowly walked to him. "When Alice got home last night I listened to everything she had to say and think." I was speechless. I didn't know how to keep him here in Forks and I wish it wasn't such a fight. "If I could have things my way we would never leave each others side. But you made plans after I left and I don't have any right to disturb them." He took my hand and looked me in the eyes. "But, if that makes you think I don't love you then I'm sorry." I began to cry and hugged him. "Edward I don't care about any of my plans. I just want you." He moved me back so he could see my face. "If Jasper breaks the treaty we have 24 hours. You better think of a story for Charlie." He smiled and I don't know how Alice did it, but he got me to ask the impossible. "I'll bring over a suitcase and just pack the bare essentials. Tomorrow Emmet is coming home which means I am going to be looking for Jasper, so if you can't get a hold of me you know where I am." I hated being needy, but right now I needed him to mean it when he said he wouldn't leave. "Okay." He leaned his lips over mine and gently kissed them. I then wrapped my arms around him and hoped that Jasper would come home soon, for everyone's sake.

A week later Edward and I had figured out a story to tell Charlie. We still hadn't heard anything about Jasper but we thought it was a good sign that she hadn't had any visions.

I was cooking dinner for Charlie when we started talking about school. I briefly mentioned Edward to test the waters. "So you two are okay now?" I nodded. "I know you don't like him, and I understand why, but it's very complicated and I wish I could explain it to you." He looked amused. "You're right Bells, I don't like him. But as long as he treats you the way he should then we won't have a problem." I turned off the cooktop and for some reason I had the urge to tell him about my possible trip. "Actually there's something I wanted you to know." Charlie held his breath and I'm sure he thought I was pregnant. "The Cullen's are going on a family holiday and they wanted to know if I could come along." I heard a slight grunt.

"Now I'm 21 which means I don't need your permission but I just wanted you to know." He began looking through some case notes which he rarely did when I was in the same room as him. "Where are you going." I dished out his dinner and turned to face him. "Canada. Probably Vancouver. The Cullens have a house up there and they haven't gone for years." He wasn't facing me so it was easier to lie. "Seperate rooms I hope." I was beginning to blush so I turned the other way. "Dad." He didn't say anymore, he was too wrapped into his case. "So what case are you working on?" He shut the folder and began eating his dinner. "It's just some new development. The past week there have been some unexplained deaths." This made me nervous and I prayed there were new vampires in town. "Unexplained. How did they die?" Charlie must have thought it was odd for me to ask since I never did. "Four victims." He opened his folder and stared at it. "These victims had nothing in common, didn't know each other at all and died the same way." I was feeling impatient. "Which was?" He looked up at me. "All of them were drained of blood. I dropped my fork. "How long had they been dead for?" He closed the folder. "When we found them, give or take two days." I picked up my fork and stared at the folder. "How long ago was that?" He took a sip of beer then finally answered. "Just a week or so ago." I held my breath. I left the table and excused myself. "I feel a little sick." I had to make any excuse which would not look strange to leave the room. "Sorry kiddo, probably shouldn't have talked to you about this."

I ran up stairs and called Edward. "Edward you have to come over." A second later he replied. "What is it Bella? I'm on my way." I took a breath hoping I wasn't really saying what I was about to say. "I think Jasper broke the treaty."

**Ready to go:**

It took Edward about 60 seconds to reach my house. He entered the house through my window and grabbed me by the arms. "Are you okay? Was he here? Did he hurt you?" He then hugged me and I was afraid to answer. "Edward, I was talking to Charlie about his case he brought home with him. Four bodies found a week ago, all drained of blood. Do you think it's Jasper?" Edward let me go and was still for a moment. "Edward?" He didn't move. Then he opened my bedroom door. "We have to wait until Charlie's asleep so I can have a look at his folder." He stared at the door again. "He hasn't been sleeping well lately, so maybe he'll fall asleep on the lounge?" I hoped. Edward led me to sit on the bed and looked at me. "I don't know how to fix it, if he has broken it. I am not sure how we can make peace with the wolves?" Then I stared at Edward feeling like I had a way out. "Jacob. If I brought Jacob here and explained it to him, maybe-" Edward shook his head. "He hates me Bella, any excuse to kill my family, he'll take it." I pulled his face to mine. "It's worth a shot isn't it? If he understands that only Jasper has gone off the deep end!" Then I understood what I was saying. "Then they'll only kill Jasper." I felt a shame for not realising it sooner. "I don't understand why Alice hasn't seen anything else. Why she hasn't seen him kill any humans." Then I blurted out what could be the truth. "Maybe it's because she doesn't want to see it. Think about it Edward, if it was you and me, you wouldn't want to think I was hunting humans again. She's blocked him out of her visions." We sat there hopelessly thinking of a way to save Jasper. "I'm going to call Jacob." I got up and grabbed my phone. Edward was holding my hand trying to get the phone from me. "Bella if you call him then Jasper is dead for sure." It didn't matter what he said. Jake was the only way I could help. "Please Edward. I don't think he will." His eyes began to look dark, almost black. "I have an idea. Why don't you go hunting tonight and I'll invite Jake over to talk to him about everything. I can't do nothing Edward, I have to help Alice." We hugged and Edward whispered in my ear "Meet with him tomorrow morning. I'll go hunting, but not tonight. Tonight I have to look through that folder to make sure it's really Jasper." I nodded and prayed I was wrong.

It took Charlie a good half an hour before he went to sleep. Edward went to the lounge room and grabbed the folder carefully. When he was bak in my room he sat on my bed and opened the folder. He took out the pictures of the victims carefully and looked at the scene. "Well?" I asked eagerly. "It was definitely a vampire." He looked through a few of the notes then closed the folder. "Is it him?" Edward couldn't meet my gaze. "Yes." I grabbed my phone and messaged Jake.

_Jake I need to see you. It's very important. It involves the treaty. Meet me tomorrow at 9am at my house and we can talk. Please come. Bella._

I waited a whole two minutes before he replied:

_Okay. See you then._

I closed my phone and looked at Edward. "Jake might hate you but he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. So maybe we can sort something out." He nodded. "Are you going to tell Alice?" He nodded. "Tomorrow." We sat together in silence for a few moments. "Is there any way this could be another vampire?" He put his hand on the folder and answered me. "It's hard to tell. We haven't heard or seen any other vampires. These attacks were all random so it's hard to say. But it doesn't look good." We sat in the dark for most of the night. I tried to think of how miserable Alice must be. How hard it was for him and now to be alone. I didn't mean to but I started to cry. "Bella, it's okay, we can fix it somehow." His words weren't comforting even though they tried to be. "I know. I just hate this." He held me tight until I drifted off to sleep which took a lot longer than usual.

**Jacob:**

The next day I woke up early trying my best to figure out what to say to Jake. I was downstairs with a notepad and twenty lines that were crossed out. I kept hearing Edward's doubts in my head and hoped I was right. A knock at the door startled me. I got up and opened the door and there was Jake. "Jacob." I smiled. I knew I didn't have the right to call him and ask for help, which was why I used the treaty as a way of grabbing his attention. He started to walk inside and I nearly hugged him. It felt so natural I had to fight it. He hated me. I knew that wasn't exactly true but it felt that way. "What is it Bella?" He stood with his arms folded. "Do you want a drink or something to eat?" He shook his head and kept looking around the room. "He's not here." That must have made him feel comfortable because then he sat down on the lounge staring at me. I sat next to him and looked in his eyes. He was so sad. Being around Jake was hard because I still loved him. He was my best friend. I just regret saying yes to being his girlfriend. It blurred the lines even more. "I called you over because there's something really important I have to tell you. It has to do with the Cullen's." Jakes body became very strained. He looked so uncomfortable. "Just say it Bella. I don't have time for this." I nodded and continued. "One of the Cullen's have disappeared and-" I wasn't given a chance to finish. "You want us to help you find a Cullen?" I shook my head.

"No Jake. Look Alice had a vision about Jasper. Her vision was that he would attack a human. When she confronted him he left and no one has seen him since. This was a week ago, right around the time a few people were killed. Their bodies drained of blood." Jake began to smirk. "What a charming life you have Bella. Cleaning up after their mess! Well if your friend did kill a human than you know the treaty is broken. What do you want from me?" I wanted to slap his face. But I had to keep calm. "I want to make a deal." Jacob looked confused. "What sort of a deal?" I was glad Edward wasn't anywhere near here. I hadn't exactly cleared this deal with him or the Cullen's. But I knew they would approve. "If I'm right, if Jasper has bitten and killed a human then my proposition is this." I paused taking a breath. "We'll leave Forks immediately and never return. We will make sure Jasper is restricted and back to his former self." Jacob shook his head and stood up. "No." He began walking to the door. "Jacob please." He stopped and turned to look at me. "Even if I had that kind of power to bend the rules of the treaty, do you really think I would let Jasper live?" I felt my heart was breaking. Before, there was nothing that Jake wouldn't do for me. "We'll go and never return. You won't hear from us again." Jake stormed up to me and grabbed my arms. "What about Charlie Bella? What about your friends? What about me? Am I that easy to leave behind?" I started to cry.

"No Jacob, you're not. But if it means that Alice gets the love of her life back then I'll do it. It doesn't mean that I can't see anyone; it just means I can't stay in Forks. That's nothing." He let me go. "No deal. I'm sorry but if we find out your Cullen has hurt anyone then he's dust." I pulled him back. "I'm sorry Jacob, for everything that happened. I'm sorry I didn't love you the way you loved me. But I do love you, and if the shoe was on the other foot there wouldn't be anything I wouldn't do for you." He began to laugh. "You've already said no to what I asked Bella. Like I said, it's not up to me." The tears came more and more. I felt so hopeless. "Jacob please!" He was near the front door and looked into my eyes. "You understand if your Cullen is guilty it won't just stop at Forks. We'll find and end all of the Cullen's." My heart began to break. I had no more excuses and no more apologies to Jacob. "Then I guess this is the last time you'll ever see me Jacob. If you go after the Cullen's you're going after me as well." I closed the door calmly and saw the hurt in his eyes. It matched my own.

**No Hope:**

Edward was back around lunch time. He stayed away like he promised while I spoke to Jake. I was sitting at the dining table reading over what I had written. I didn't say any of this to him. Edward knocked on the door and when I let him in he didn't look surprised. "He said no didn't he?" I nodded. "It's okay Bella." He pulled me into his arms. "No it's not." I cried into his chest and wished this was all over. "Don't say it please." He smirked and kissed my lips gently. "I won't. But good news, Emmet picked up a trail that we think is Jaspers. So maybe we can find this and fix everything." I wasn't smiling with him. "Edward, Jacob said that if Jaspers guilty, that they'll come for all of us." He brushed away my hair and kissed my cheek. "You don't need to worry about this Bella. He's just saying it to upset you." I pulled his face down so I could look in his eyes. They were still black. "Edward, I know you're trying to make me feel better but please don't." We kissed again and this time he lips found their way down to my neck. He ticked me then looked in my eyes. "We'll sort this out love. Try not to worry about it." We hugged and I promised I would try.

A day later I was in the meadow with Edward trying to relax. My phone began to buzz and I looked, it was Alice. "Hey Alice, what's up?" She sounded very shaky. "I just got a call from Jasper. Is Edward with you?" I handed the phone to Edward. "She says Jasper called her." Edward grabbed the phone and began to talk. "Alice, did he say where he was?" the call went on for about five minutes. When he hung up he handed me back the phone and told me we had to go. "What's wrong Edward?" While getting into his car he finally answered me. "He saw on the news about the four humans killed, he said it wasn't him." We began driving back to my house. "What? So where is he?" Edward was so still. It was a little scary. "Vancouver. He just said that he is fine and just needed some time alone. He had no idea he was going to scare everybody this way. Jasper isn't really a fan of television which is why it took him so long to call Alice and let him know he wasn't responsible. Apparently he left her a note but she didn't find it." The huge knot in my stomach began to unravel. "Thank God!" I said taking the first real breath I had taken during all of this mess. "Don't thank God yet, there's still the issue of who did kill those four humans. If another vampire is in town then I need to make sure you're safe." I took a sip of water and swallowed. "Alice will go to the airport tonight, Jasper is on his way home." I smiled. "I'm so glad he's going to be okay." We were silent for the rest of the ride until we got to my house. "Charlie's home early." I got to the front door and turned to Edward. "Look maybe I should let him know you're coming in." He nodded and handed me my bag. I walked inside and walked into the kitchen. He hadn't been home this early for a while. "Dad I'm home." I didn't hear an answer. "Dad?" I walked upstairs wondering if maybe he was ill. "Dad!" I walked into his room but nothing. It didn't even look like anyone had been here. I walked downstairs straight to Edward. "Is it okay if I come in?" I nodded.

"Charlie isn't here. It's so odd of him to just leave the door open like that." Then I noticed his files were on the table. I walked to them and opened them up. "Bella what's wrong?" Edward looked at me strangely then ran up the stairs. "Edward?" I followed him wondering what caught his eye. "Edward?" He was in Charlie's room staring out the window. "Edward please what is it?" He dropped the t-shirt that was in his hand. "I caught a scent. Someone was here Bella. I think someone has Charlie."


	16. Ready To Go

**Ready to go:**

It took Edward about 60 seconds to reach my house. He entered the house through my window and grabbed me by the arms. "Are you okay? Was he here? Did he hurt you?" He then hugged me and I was afraid to answer. "Edward, I was talking to Charlie about his case he brought home with him. Four bodies found a week ago, all drained of blood. Do you think it's Jasper?" Edward let me go and was still for a moment. "Edward?" He didn't move. Then he opened my bedroom door. "We have to wait until Charlie's asleep so I can have a look at his folder." He stared at the door again. "He hasn't been sleeping well lately, so maybe he'll fall asleep on the lounge?" I hoped. Edward led me to sit on the bed and looked at me. "I don't know how to fix it, if he has broken it. I am not sure how we can make peace with the wolves?" Then I stared at Edward feeling like I had a way out. "Jacob. If I brought Jacob here and explained it to him, maybe-" Edward shook his head. "He hates me Bella, any excuse to kill my family, he'll take it." I pulled his face to mine. "It's worth a shot isn't it? If he understands that only Jasper has gone off the deep end!" Then I understood what I was saying. "Then they'll only kill Jasper."

I felt a shame for not realising it sooner. "I don't understand why Alice hasn't seen anything else. Why she hasn't seen him kill any humans." Then I blurted out what could be the truth. "Maybe it's because she doesn't want to see it. Think about it Edward, if it was you and me, you wouldn't want to think I was hunting humans again. She's blocked him out of her visions." We sat there hopelessly thinking of a way to save Jasper. "I'm going to call Jacob." I got up and grabbed my phone. Edward was holding my hand trying to get the phone from me. "Bella if you call him then Jasper is dead for sure." It didn't matter what he said. Jake was the only way I could help. "Please Edward. I don't think he will." His eyes began to look dark, almost black. "I have an idea. Why don't you go hunting tonight and I'll invite Jake over to talk to him about everything. I can't do nothing Edward, I have to help Alice." We hugged and Edward whispered in my ear "Meet with him tomorrow morning. I'll go hunting, but not tonight. Tonight I have to look through that folder to make sure it's really Jasper." I nodded and prayed I was wrong.

It took Charlie a good half an hour before he went to sleep. Edward went to the lounge room and grabbed the folder carefully. When he was bak in my room he sat on my bed and opened the folder. He took out the pictures of the victims carefully and looked at the scene. "Well?" I asked eagerly. "It was definitely a vampire." He looked through a few of the notes then closed the folder. "Is it him?" Edward couldn't meet my gaze. "Yes." I grabbed my phone and messaged Jake.

_Jake I need to see you. It's very important. It involves the treaty. Meet me tomorrow at 9am at my house and we can talk. Please come. Bella._

I waited a whole two minutes before he replied:

_Okay. See you then._

I closed my phone and looked at Edward. "Jake might hate you but he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. So maybe we can sort something out." He nodded. "Are you going to tell Alice?" He nodded. "Tomorrow." We sat together in silence for a few moments. "Is there any way this could be another vampire?" He put his hand on the folder and answered me. "It's hard to tell. We haven't heard or seen any other vampires. These attacks were all random so it's hard to say. But it doesn't look good." We sat in the dark for most of the night. I tried to think of how miserable Alice must be. How hard it was for him and now to be alone. I didn't mean to but I started to cry. "Bella, it's okay, we can fix it somehow." His words weren't comforting even though they tried to be. "I know. I just hate this." He held me tight until I drifted off to sleep which took a lot longer than usual.


	17. Jacob

**Jacob:**

The next day I woke up early trying my best to figure out what to say to Jake. I was downstairs with a notepad and twenty lines that were crossed out. I kept hearing Edward's doubts in my head and hoped I was right. A knock at the door startled me. I got up and opened the door and there was Jake. "Jacob." I smiled. I knew I didn't have the right to call him and ask for help, which was why I used the treaty as a way of grabbing his attention. He started to walk inside and I nearly hugged him. It felt so natural I had to fight it. He hated me. I knew that wasn't exactly true but it felt that way. "What is it Bella?" He stood with his arms folded. "Do you want a drink or something to eat?" He shook his head and kept looking around the room. "He's not here." That must have made him feel comfortable because then he sat down on the lounge staring at me. I sat next to him and looked in his eyes. He was so sad. Being around Jake was hard because I still loved him. He was my best friend. I just regret saying yes to being his girlfriend. It blurred the lines even more. "I called you over because there's something really important I have to tell you. It has to do with the Cullen's." Jakes body became very strained. He looked so uncomfortable. "Just say it Bella. I don't have time for this." I nodded and continued. "One of the Cullen's have disappeared and-" I wasn't given a chance to finish. "You want us to help you find a Cullen?" I shook my head.

"No Jake. Look Alice had a vision about Jasper. Her vision was that he would attack a human. When she confronted him he left and no one has seen him since. This was a week ago, right around the time a few people were killed. Their bodies drained of blood." Jake began to smirk. "What a charming life you have Bella. Cleaning up after their mess! Well if your friend did kill a human than you know the treaty is broken. What do you want from me?" I wanted to slap his face. But I had to keep calm. "I want to make a deal." Jacob looked confused. "What sort of a deal?" I was glad Edward wasn't anywhere near here. I hadn't exactly cleared this deal with him or the Cullen's. But I knew they would approve. "If I'm right, if Jasper has bitten and killed a human then my proposition is this." I paused taking a breath. "We'll leave Forks immediately and never return. We will make sure Jasper is restricted and back to his former self." Jacob shook his head and stood up. "No." He began walking to the door. "Jacob please." He stopped and turned to look at me. "Even if I had that kind of power to bend the rules of the treaty, do you really think I would let Jasper live?" I felt my heart was breaking. Before, there was nothing that Jake wouldn't do for me. "We'll go and never return. You won't hear from us again." Jake stormed up to me and grabbed my arms. "What about Charlie Bella? What about your friends? What about me? Am I that easy to leave behind?" I started to cry.

"No Jacob, you're not. But if it means that Alice gets the love of her life back then I'll do it. It doesn't mean that I can't see anyone; it just means I can't stay in Forks. That's nothing." He let me go. "No deal. I'm sorry but if we find out your Cullen has hurt anyone then he's dust." I pulled him back. "I'm sorry Jacob, for everything that happened. I'm sorry I didn't love you the way you loved me. But I do love you, and if the shoe was on the other foot there wouldn't be anything I wouldn't do for you." He began to laugh. "You've already said no to what I asked Bella. Like I said, it's not up to me." The tears came more and more. I felt so hopeless. "Jacob please!" He was near the front door and looked into my eyes. "You understand if your Cullen is guilty it won't just stop at Forks. We'll find and end all of the Cullen's." My heart began to break. I had no more excuses and no more apologies to Jacob. "Then I guess this is the last time you'll ever see me Jacob. If you go after the Cullen's you're going after me as well." I closed the door calmly and saw the hurt in his eyes. It matched my own.


	18. No Hope

**No Hope:**

Edward was back around lunch time. He stayed away like he promised while I spoke to Jake. I was sitting at the dining table reading over what I had written. I didn't say any of this to him. Edward knocked on the door and when I let him in he didn't look surprised. "He said no didn't he?" I nodded. "It's okay Bella." He pulled me into his arms. "No it's not." I cried into his chest and wished this was all over. "Don't say it please." He smirked and kissed my lips gently. "I won't. But good news, Emmet picked up a trail that we think is Jaspers. So maybe we can find this and fix everything." I wasn't smiling with him. "Edward, Jacob said that if Jaspers guilty, that they'll come for all of us." He brushed away my hair and kissed my cheek. "You don't need to worry about this Bella. He's just saying it to upset you." I pulled his face down so I could look in his eyes. They were still black. "Edward, I know you're trying to make me feel better but please don't." We kissed again and this time he lips found their way down to my neck. He ticked me then looked in my eyes. "We'll sort this out love. Try not to worry about it." We hugged and I promised I would try.

A day later I was in the meadow with Edward trying to relax. My phone began to buzz and I looked, it was Alice. "Hey Alice, what's up?" She sounded very shaky. "I just got a call from Jasper. Is Edward with you?" I handed the phone to Edward. "She says Jasper called her." Edward grabbed the phone and began to talk. "Alice, did he say where he was?" the call went on for about five minutes. When he hung up he handed me back the phone and told me we had to go. "What's wrong Edward?" While getting into his car he finally answered me. "He saw on the news about the four humans killed, he said it wasn't him." We began driving back to my house. "What? So where is he?" Edward was so still. It was a little scary. "Vancouver. He just said that he is fine and just needed some time alone. He had no idea he was going to scare everybody this way. Jasper isn't really a fan of television which is why it took him so long to call Alice and let him know he wasn't responsible. Apparently he left her a note but she didn't find it." The huge knot in my stomach began to unravel. "Thank God!" I said taking the first real breath I had taken during all of this mess. "Don't thank God yet, there's still the issue of who did kill those four humans. If another vampire is in town then I need to make sure you're safe."

I took a sip of water and swallowed. "Alice will go to the airport tonight, Jasper is on his way home." I smiled. "I'm so glad he's going to be okay." We were silent for the rest of the ride until we got to my house. "Charlie's home early." I got to the front door and turned to Edward. "Look maybe I should let him know you're coming in." He nodded and handed me my bag. I walked inside and walked into the kitchen. He hadn't been home this early for a while. "Dad I'm home." I didn't hear an answer. "Dad?" I walked upstairs wondering if maybe he was ill. "Dad!" I walked into his room but nothing. It didn't even look like anyone had been here. I walked downstairs straight to Edward. "Is it okay if I come in?" I nodded."Charlie isn't here. It's so odd of him to just leave the door open like that." Then I noticed his files were on the table. I walked to them and opened them up. "Bella what's wrong?" Edward looked at me strangely then ran up the stairs. "Edward?" I followed him wondering what caught his eye. "Edward?" He was in Charlie's room staring out the window. "Edward please what is it?" He dropped the t-shirt that was in his hand. "I caught a scent. Someone was here Bella. I think someone has Charlie."

I hope you've enjoyed the story - I probably be able to write anything else for at least a week or so. Sorry to leave you with a cliffhanger :D Please let me know what you think! Li xxx


	19. New Website

Hey guys,

At the moment I am having difficulty with the fanfiction website. So temporarly I have created a website. You can find the new chapters at.

www. li1980webly. com

Hope this web address appears, otherwise you can email me at kthompson_.au and I will send you the link! :)


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